As we predicted, international man of mystery and leaky things Julian Assange has lost his appeal against extradition to Sweden, where the authorities still want to ask him some questions about those two alleged sexual assault incidents. Assange won't have to leave his adoptive party pad in Norwich just yet: his lawyers can appeal to the British Supreme Court, and this will require hearings that will delay Assange's actual extradition. But he's definitely running out of legal options—not that he'd ever admit it.

The verdict in Wikileaks founder Julian Assange's extradition case will be delivered tomorrow. Many experts are predicting Assange will lose his challenge and be sent to Sweden to face his rape and sexual molestation charges there.

At a press conference this morning, Julian Assange—whom we imagine was wearing nothing but a barrel and suspenders—announced Wikileaks was so broke it might have to shut down in a matter of months. Even more than it already has shut down, that is.

International dramatic chipmunk Julian Assange had his ghost-written autobiography published without his permission last week. He got very angry about it! But it's a moot point, since nobody's buying it: Julian Assange: The Unauthorised Autobiography sold just 644 copies in its first three days on sale in the UK.

In your magical Monday media column: Andy Rooney lives, Patch is a hard gig, Menupages sells for millions, Julian Assange lives the country life, and David Gergen lives getting naked with George Clooney.

Perpetual shit-show Julian Assange has notched another screw-up in his long list of self-undermining failures: The much-vaunted memoir, for which he received a $1.5 million advance, and wherein he was to lay out for once and for all a defense against the malicious attacks leveled at him from all sides, is going to be published tomorrow against his will because he is an impossible human being.

Many observers have understandably raised concerns for the safety of confidential informants whose identities are revealed in the full, unredacted copy of Wikileaks' State Department cables that was made public this week in a Keystone Kops farce. But the biggest victim of the latest disclosure is Julian Assange, who no longer has a reason to demand your attention.

Thanks to a comical series of blunders by Julian Assange, Wikileaks' entire cache of unredacted State Department cables is now on the internet for anyone to download. (You can do so at the whistleblowing site Cryptome) But that's not stopping Wikileaks from holding a fake Twitter "vote" on whether it should release them.

Wikileaks has always had a healthy sense of self-importance—one that seems, at least in part, well-deserved. But there's something uniquely hubristic about accusing a major newspaper (and former collaborator) of "gross negligence or malice" over the release of 251,000 unredacted top-secret cables—when the fault lies with the website itself.

Wikileaks just released a 557.5 megabyte file via Bittorrent. It's encrypted, and Wikileaks says "the decryption key will be released at the appropriate moment." Mysterious! We can't wait to see what's in this goody bag.

In the public imagination, a hacker is a pale teenaged boy with Aspergers, huddled over a computer in his bedroom at his mom's house. This is all true of 19-year-old British hacking suspect Ryan Cleary! But he also has a girlfriend.

People inadvertently put things on the internet they don't want revealed all the time. But you'd think Julian Assange would avoid such an amateur mistake. Not so: He accidentally uploaded all of his precious State Department cables, unredacted, to the internet.

The hits have not kept coming for Wikileaks. Since its massive diplomatic cables dump, the secret-sharing site has kept whatever secrets it's come across to itself. Now it appears a disgruntled former Wikileaks insider deleted them all.

If you are a woman and come within smelling-distance of him, magic secret-sharing gnome Julian Assange will hit on you in excruciatingly awkward fashion. A new eBook offers another prime example of Assange's Casanova act.

Around a year after Bradley Manning was arrested for allegedly leaking to Wikileaks, Wired has finally published the full chat logs between the Army private and hacker Adrian Lamo, who turned him into authorities. Man, does Lamo come across as a scumbag.

Two days after his birthday bash, Julian Assange took his silver locks to court again today, in the latest round of his fight to keep from being extradited to Sweden to face rape and sexual assault allegations, which he says are baseless.

Unlike Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Oprah, you weren't invited to Julian Assange's 40th birthday bash yesterday in Norfolk, England. Neither were we. But we've snagged an invite anyway. Here's a copy of the email sent to a few dozen of "The Most Dangerous Man in the World's" friends before the party.

Julian Assange, under house arrest in England, hosted a "lavish 40th birthday party with celebrity guests" on Sunday. Which celebrities? Not Angelina and Brad Pitt. They were invited, but apparently took a pass.

Ever dream of slurping down fettuccine across the table from the most wanted man in the world? You can now bid on lunch with Julian Assange.

It's a mystery that has perplexed the world since the late '90s: Where are Biggie and Tupac? Last night for a short time, it appeared that PBS had found out when a story appeared on its homepage, "Tupac still alive in New Zealand." Sadly, it was hackers from a group called LulzSec who got into PBS' system and posted this: