Are you “Looking for America?” Have you checked underneath your shoes? Ah, here it is—inside of the Washington Post, of course.

These times we live in—they are troubled, are they not? What hath the commoners wrought upon our noble republic, with this “Trump” whose gaudy habits offendeth the senses? Whose common voice shall explain to one and all the unknowable thoughts of the peasantry?

The New York Times has quietly (and extensively) revised a history of Senator Bernie Sanders’ legislative accomplishments, initially published on Monday morning under the glowing headline, “Bernie Sanders Scored Victories for Years via Legislative Side Door,” which eventually became the far more reserved “Via Legislative Side Doors, Bernie Sanders Won Modest Victories” and, in print, the even more ambivalent “Sanders’s Roster of Modest Wins.”

New York Times editorial page editor Andy Rosenthal is stepping down. He’ll be replaced by James Bennett, former editor of The Atlantic. This change in Establishment Opinionmongers will be so drastic that readers won’t notice a thing.

Kurt Bardella, the former Breitbart spokesperson who quit his job Friday, tells Don Lemon the outlet straight-up lied about what happened to reporter Michelle Fields. Don Lemon, in response, just about died from the shock of someone answering a direct question on his program.

New video from the Donald Trump press conference Tuesday appears to show Donald Trump’s campaign manager grabbing the reporter he swore he didn’t grab.

Michelle Fields, a reporter for the archconservative news outlet Breitbart, was asking Donald Trump a question this past Tuesday when a man, identified by at least one eyewitness as Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, grabbed her arm hard enough to leave a bruise and pulled her forcefully away from the candidate. Since then, pro-Trump reporters, flacks and even Trump himself have attempted to discredit Fields, but the most egregious discrediting efforts have come from Breitbart itself—a cozy, pro-Trump outlet that began gaslighting its own employee almost immediately after the incident, and has not let up since.

Michelle Fields, the conservative reporter who was manhandled at a Donald Trump press conference Tuesday, has filed criminal assault charges against Trump’s campaign manager.

The Trump campaign continued gaslighting Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields on Thursday, who has accused campaign manager Corey Lewandowski of grabbing her so hard she was left bruised. “Perhaps she made the story up,” Trump told CNN’s Dylan Byers. “I think that’s what happened.”

On Tuesday, a conservative reporter accused a Trump campaign staffer of grabbing her arm so hard he left bruises, an allegation that appears to be borne out by photographic evidence. In response, the Trump campaign has been waging an obvious campaign to discredit her, insinuating she made the whole thing up and referring to her as an “attention-seeker” on Twitter—even though the staffer allegedly already admitted manhandling her.

Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields today posted images of bruises allegedly left on her arm by Donald Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, who grabbed her after she attempted to ask Trump a question about affirmative action Tuesday night.

On Tuesday night, Donald Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski grabbed a female Breitbart reporter so hard he left bruises on her arm. But Breitbart’s official response suggests a media outlet more concerned with protecting its relationship with Trump than with protecting its own reporter.

The New York Post must be feeling awfully proud of itself today. After devoting yesterday’s front cover to publicly shaming a homeless woman for keeping a fleet of shopping carts to hold her things, the paper has succeeded in getting the police to come and throw those things in the garbage. Great job, everyone.

The most important news of the day in New York City, according to America’s oldest continuously published daily newspaper: A homeless woman with a lot of shopping carts who hangs out in Hell’s Kitchen. Good to know!

Another week is here, and with it, another story about the affluent, techie-infested caricature that San Francisco has become. Hey, assholes: step one to surviving this trying time is to build more fucking housing.

Since its founding, TechCrunch has maintained (and enjoyed) a close relationship with the industry it covers. They’re rarely bothered by how this “looks,” as could be seen today, with their proud announcement that one of their new contributors will also continue to work for one of the largest technology companies in the world.

CNN reports Donald Trump’s abrupt cancelation of several on-camera interviews this morning was not, as Trump claimed, due to technical difficulties, but rather because he didn’t like the way he looked on TV. Can’t argue much with that.

Ted Cruz has a new theory: the American political media is in possession of “bombshell” stories about Donald Trump that could ruin him, but are choosing to not publish them for some reason. Ted, I’m here to tell you: we’ve got nothing, and we’re all really fucking freaked out about it.

There are two broad reasons why you might attend the Oscars. The first would be to enjoy the grand pageantry of the insanely rich and famous congratulating each other for completing the difficult but necessary act of making motion pictures. The second would be to do your job. Prior to this past Sunday’s ceremony, Los Angeles’ newspaper of record found itself being torn apart by these two distinct functions.

Yesterday, thousands of Bernie Sanders’ supporters began sharing what appeared to be a straightforward New York Times article—which you can read here—about Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren’s decision to endorse Sanders for President of the United States. Attributed to Jonathan Martin and Alexander Burns, both of whom are real Times reporters, the piece was written in convincing Times-ese, down to the headline (“Warren Endorses Sanders, Breaking With Colleagues”), lead sentence (“In a potentially decisive turn...”), and perfunctory quotes from the Sanders campaign and several disappointed Clinton surrogates. There were two major problems with the article, though: It wasn’t a real Times report, and Warren has not in fact endorsed Sanders.