A tipster tells us that the odd Josh Hartnett short film on the Times' website—which shows the actor stumbling through the snow and chatting with a hotel desk clerk, as the first installment of a series that will somehow promote the NYT's fashion magazine—is the twisted byproduct of one thing only: asshole friends! Hartnett is "an extremely nice guy" and a "very loyal friend," but he's surrounded by "asshole user" fake friends who try to use him to further their careers in the industry. Or so we hear. If true, that would definitely solve the mystery of why Hartnett would make time for an aimless project like that. After the jump, more detailed ranting from our tipster, and a bonus clip of the obscure Josh Hartnett-Scarlett Johansson short that is supposedly a precursor to the Times dreck.

Those of you who were not among the meager handful of readers to click through our post yesterday about this mystifying Josh Hartnett short film for the New York Times missed a truly incredible answer to our question: What the hell is this all about? Commenter VirusWithShoes responded with a disquisition that reviews the film— and the nature of life—at a level of detail that is astounding, and absurd. The fact that someone who is (presumably?) working at another job during the day had time to write this is amazing. And scary. Reprinted below for your pleasure, the entire cinematic comment.

This crosslinked and multiplatform new social interactive online media world is causing actual respected media outlets to fuck up. No question about it. Exhibit one: The national paper of record has allowed its core purpose of covering the news to evolve and extend to the point that this totally incomprehensible short video featuring Josh Hartnett staggering through the snow can fall under the Times' content umbrella. It's truly a long tail of crap, or something. The press release explains that the "T Community online" is all about "discovering what is new and hot in stylized online storytelling." Journalistic! Anyone who can intuit the meaning of this video, and logically connect it with the core purpose of the financially beleaguered newspaper industry in any number of rational steps, wins our undying gratitude. Couldn't the money spent here be used to give Sewell Chan a raise? Click to watch the star-studded clip.

Earlier today, we wondered aloud as to what Tina Fey could have possibly seen in Josh Hartnett's body of work that would lead her to think that he would be a suitable love interest for her character on 30 Rock. Well, it turns out that our speculation was for naught, as we have recently learned that the original OK! Magazine piece that ran this morning appears to be patently false. In an email communication just sent to Defamer HQ, an NBC spokeswoman told us that there's "Absolutely no truth to this story. OK magazine has it wrong..." Phew! This news not only soothes our irritable tummies, but it also fills our hearts with joy. While we bear no ill will towards Mr. Hartnett, we must admit that we can think of at least two dozen actors off the top of our heads who would make a better suitor for Liz Lemon. Yes, even Ashton Kutcher!

We've never found much of what Josh Hartnett does particularly funny, with the possible exception of the scraggly 'stache that he's been sporting unironically for years. So how will the stiff-as-a-board actor fare when cast opposite the likes of Tina Fey and the rest of her comedically blessed cohorts on 30 Rock? OK! is reporting that Hartnett recently read for a part on the Emmy-winning laughfest as Fey's next love interest, a role that may last four to six episodes. And while this latest bit of stunt casting would be a major boost to Josh's embarrassing-of-late resume, the Emmy-winning show hardly needs a swarthy guest star to save it from sinking. So what does the much cleverer than us Tina Fey have up her sleeve?

It turns out that Beatrice Inn—that beloved Village hotspot and home to so many Page Six characters—is nothing but a common coke den! A stalker reports: "Josh Hartnett came into Beatrice around 1:30am with a blonde girl and two attractive guys. Literally went to the bathroom four times within one half hour, always with one of his delegates (one time with two of them). Also, none of the security guys were letting anyone smoke until he lit up a cigarette and suddenly the No Smoking signs were ignored by everyone. Plus, dude is TALL and gorgeous, even with the Pedro 'stache."

· After two high-rated (but Idol-boosted) episodes of The Moment of Truth, Fox picks up 13 more episodes of their lie-detecting semi-sensation. Evil mastermind Mike Darnell renews his promise to fix the show's pacing problems, and claims that even though these first two episodes have largely failed to shock, they've still been effective enough to induce a number of planned contestants to drop out. [THR]
· Sounding a characteristically gloomy note on the State of the Strike on Day 89, Var points out that even though the WGA and AMPTP have been engaged in informal talks, no date has been picked for the start of formal bargaining, say that "some" worry that the strike will drag on long enough for SAG to walk out in July and "stay out at least into the fall" with the scribes, and claim there's a "tacit deadline" to make some progress before CEOs storm out of negotiations again. Hear that, writers? Doomsday clocks are ticking everywhere, so better take whatever deal's on on the table, whether or not it's a good one! [Variety]

[Director Austin Chick poses with actors Adam Scott and Josh Hartnett, the stars of his new September 11th-themed film "August", at the Sundance Film Festival today; image via AP]

• Jake Gyllenhaal pegs Ben Widdicombe for a drunk with a bad ending coming his way. Jeez, Jake. [NYDN]
  

We're not done with Ms. Johansson just yet. Last week, she and supposed nonsecret lover-manbot Josh Hartnett were observed going over blueprints for a $6 million Tribeca loft the two had purchased together. Discussing the digs with Johansson's dad Karsten, the couple supposedly wanted extra soundproofing on the bedroom to better silence Johansson's dewy moans and Hartnett's perfunctory grunts during joyless bouts of celeb coitus. Hartnett's publicist denies the move-in plans, and one assumes the new arrangement would mean that Hartnett must give up his $2.4 million bachelor pad on Hudson Street. Regardless, they likely should take Karsten Johansson's advice with a grain of salt, given his history of tangling with the IRS over nuisance property liens.

· Var declares this summer "most competitive weekend," meaning that no one is really that excited about seeing new releases Lake House, Nacho Libre,
or The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, and will probably just wind up going to Cars again. [Variety]
· Sigourney Weaver is in negotiations to join the budget-conscious cast of Matthew Fox, Dennis Quaid, William Hurt, and Forest Whitaker in the blandly titled presidential assassination thriller Vantage Point. [THR]
· Josh Hartnett seeks to continue his unquestioned dominance of movies with titles including multiples of 10 and forms of the words "days" and "night" by looking to star in the Sony horror flick 30 Days of Night. [Variety]
· THR says that Hollywood's love affair with sappy romantic dramas is over. Well, over once The Lake House tanks this weekend. [THR]
· Philip Seymour Hoffman, whom we wouldn't mind seeing in about 10 movies a year, will star in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead before moving on to shoot Charlie Wilson's War with little-known character actors Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. [Variety]

Unibrowed studcake Josh Hartnett may find he got more than he bargained for in girlfriend Scarlett Johansson, whom he met on the set of Brian DePalma's The Black Dahlia, and who has very progressive attitudes towards fuddy-duddy notions like not sleeping around on him:

Apropos of nothing but a desire to ease into Friday morning without too much thought or effort, Towelroad has a bunch of screen grabs of an "Easter egg" from the Pearl Harbor DVD, where noted prankster and all-around good time guy Ben Affleck and onetime It-boy heartthrob Josh Hartnett reenact Affleck's famous "animal crackers" scene from Armageddon. Another secret DVD goodie features a montage of Affleck precariously dangling his genitals behind director Michael Bay's head, only letting his manhood drop on the fauxteur's shoulder at the precise moments he calls "action!" A furious Bay, victimized by Affleck's junk over and over again, finally threatens to cast the actor in every movie he ever makes as revenge—a threat, obviously, that he didn't have to balls to follow through on.