Someone dares invoke the earth-shattering wrath of Demi Moore by calling the ageless aged? Indeed! PageSix got porn-y. Sheriff TMZ's busting Maria Shriver and Lil' Wayne. Courtney Love, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin: still suck. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

"I feel guilty," Jon Gosselin laments to "America's Rabbi," Shmuley Boteach. Rabbi Shmuley talked to Jon on his bima about asking the world for forgiveness. We dispatched our Black Ops spy to the scene. One word: Wow. This is absurd.

Michael Lohan's worried about his daughter, might be right. Situation: critical. Robert Pattenson's mom hates you. Who sucks more? Jon Gosselin or TLC? Tina Fey's virginity, Madonna's neighbor relations, Karadshian Ass..ian...and much much more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jon and Kate Gosselin completely suck at life. Michael Jackson was weird on The Simpsons. Weird! Weirdos will get off on Marge Simpson in Playboy. Carrey Mulligan? Emmy Rossum! Pervy Dr. Phil, many more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

The Gosselins: turning into the Clampetts. Robert Pattinson's going to star in my new movie, playing me. Leno pays tribute to The Jews. Julia Roberts and Eat, Prey, Love get grilled by the Hindus. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

So: with the announcement that Jon Gosselin is considering having his own solo gig, I asked our commenters this morning what we should name it. They responded. We have nominees, and a winner. TV Producers: listen close.

Jon Gosselin's pissed Kate Major's lying about them being together. Another parent peddles her kids for money when really, she should be a Spider Man villain. Lindsay Lohan gives me Gwyneth's GOOPy runs. Happy Saturday Morning, here we go: