Papa Lohan's acting out coincided with LiLo's "rock bottom." The search for Andrew Koenig continues. Russell Brand leaves Katy Perry "bedridden" for days. Lady Gaga wants to make babies with her stylist. Tuesday gossip is in need of a father figure.

This week the Roundup covered the most indie film ever. "Spider-Man" is like the opposite of that, right? What if we told you that Marc Webb, director of Indie rom-com "(500) Days of Summer," will direct the new Spidey flick?

Conan is losing the "Tonight Show," but he's going to be just fine. TMZ has learned that Conan O'Brien is getting a $32.5 severance package—plus an extra $8 million or so in severances for "Tonight Show" employees.

[Johnny Depp attending a film festival in Belgrade; image via INF]

Some funny Spanish-talk Tumblr site pointed out that Johnny Depp in Tim Burton's upcoming film CGI Alice in CGI Wonderland looks like Madonna. My editor's wife thinks he looks like Elijah Wood. Both responses are correct! What do YOU see?

Though this two-minute trailer contains many of the same sequences as the first one, today's version is much cleaner and crisper. It also offers a little insight into the plot. It seems that Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is returning to Wonderland to find that the evil Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) has taken over and made everything as horrible as a death in the family during Saturday morning cartoons. Now, Alice teams up with Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter (really, did anyone think he wasn't going to kill this role?) to fight for the nice White Queen (Anne Hathaway in Glinda the Good Witch drag, if that's a compliment) and restore the kingdom.

The new Alice in Wonderland trailer was released today, and it looks to be so dreamy, colorful, and imaginative, it's going to be hard to believe you're watching a movie and not frying on acid.

If the amount of money someone sues Sacha Baron Cohen for reflects how pissed off they are about him making them look stupid on camera, then this Palestinian is by far the most pissed off. He's suing for $110 million.

Actually save it for when the deal actually goes through. But that time has moved closer now that Comcast announced a $30 billion deal to take over NBC Universal from GE. The next big question: Are regulators going to flip?

[People may claim that Johnny Depp is the Sexiest Man Alive, but Steve McQueen is one of the sexiest man to ever live and he was the definition of cool. Sorry, Johnny. You're not there yet. Image via Life.com.]

• Nic Cage has been having some money troubles as of late and he recently sued his business manager for allegedly mishandling his finances. Now the manager is striking back. He's filed a countersuit against Cage and claims the actor is an out-of-control spender who, in just the last few years, has picked 15 different homes around the world, 22 cars (including 9 Rolls-Royces), four yachts, a jet, and a Caribbean island. Oh, and Cage also blew a fortune by constantly hosting "Gatsby-style parties at his residences." [WSJ]
• Paris Hilton's plan to remake her image and position herself as more "mature" isn't off to a very good start. The cops had to be called to her house in LA last night after she and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt had a nasty fight. [TMZ]
• Wannabe reality TV star Tinsley Mortimer and "wannabe socialite" Devorah Rose got into "a fight" the other night. Fortunately, two cameras were rolling the entire time, so you'll get to see it yourself in about 6 months. [P6]
• The co-owner of Table 8 at the Cooper Square Hotel is under suspicion for secretly giving his girlfriend a drug to force her to have an abortion and may soon be charged with killing the couple's unborn child. Grim. [NYDN]
• Charlie Gibson claims he has "tremendous respect" for his ABC colleague Diane Sawyer, but he supposedly "badmouths her openly and often" behind the scenes. An ABC spokeswoman called the claims "bullsh*t," while a less excitable Gibson said it was all "just silly." [P6]

• In what may be the weirdest celebrity extortion attempt ever, a German male model named Edis Kayalar has been arrested for trying to blackmail Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber with a "sexy" photo of the couple's then 7-year-old daughter "in revealing clothing, bound to a chair and gagged." Apparently, the pic had been taking by the girl's former babysitter during an innocent game of cops and robbers and she used to date Kayalar. [NYDN, People]
• All those phone calls that Michael Lohan recorded may ultimately land him in jail (again). A 2005 protective order obtained by Dina Lohan banned him from communicating with her by email or phone until 2011. [TMZ]
• Spend enough time on Twitter and you, too, may find yourself dating a beautiful young starlet! Emmy Rossum says her relationship with Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz "began with a Tweet," believe it or not. [People]

Johnny Depp made a big deal about making known his dissatisfaction after his friend Dick Cook was ousted from Disney last week. Apparently he's already forgotten about that.

• Today's awkward cable moments: CNN reported this morning that the Coast Guard opened fire on a boat on the Potomoc. (Not true.) And the geniuses at MSNBC thought it would be a really neat idea to once again commemorate 9/11 by re-airing its coverage from the fateful morning. Thanks, guys.
• Fran Drescher is in discussions to host a Fox News show. No joke. [USN]
• President Obama sits down with Steve Kroft on Sunday's 60 Minutes. [CBS]
• A long list of media figures turned out for Dominick Dunne's memorial service yesterday at Church of Saint Vincent Ferrer on the UES. [NYT, WWD]
• Anna Wintour is "bigger than ever," at least according to Tina Brown. [TDB]
• Obits: Larry Gelbart, the man who developed the TV series MASH and co-wrote Tootsie, is dead at 81. And Frank Batten Sr., the man responsible for bringing the Weather Channel into the world, is dead at 82.
• As if Twitter wasn't inundated with enough self-promotion as it is, the company now says it plans to start accepting advertising. [Reuters]

[Fake Sean Connery, fake Johnny Depp, fake Rod Stewart, and fake Elton John mingle at the Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Tribute Artists in Orlando. Image via Getty]

Curiouser and curiouser! A teaser trailer for Tim Burton's Johnny Depp-as-Mad-Hatter Alice in Wonderland has been released at last. And it's... sigh... a bit disappointing. Just because it looks CGI'd and 3D'd to within an inch of its life.

Today we hear news about the biggest computer game movie in a while, about an old cartoon that will live again, about Jami Gertz and Johnny Depp, who both survived the 80s in completely different ways, and about Kendra.

Can Farrah Fawcett's jailed son attend her funeral? Is Coolio's next fantastic voyage to jail? Does Johnny Depp watch his own movies? Will Real Housewives of Dirty Jerz (and Kelly Bensimon!) ever go away? How's Walter Cronkite? Let's find out:

Jessica Simpson walking out of Dos Caminos yesterday with her dog Daisy in a carrier ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos and their two sons, Joaquin and Michael, walking in Soho ... John Legend outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... Robert Pattinson on the set of Remember Me ... Samuel L. Jackson walking around dressed in what appears to be a mailman's uniform ... Johnny Depp attending a Late Show taping before heading to dinner ... and Anne Hathaway walking her dog.

[Johnny Depp outside the Letterman show yesterday; image via INF]