John McCain went on lady show The View yesterday, and co-host Whoopi Goldberg suggested he call himself "Jack Mack" to appeal to the youth, which means anyone under 80 as far as the elderly Republic presidential candidate is concerned. In another reminder that he is an angry old man, McCain was scolded for not hugging all the hosts like Barack Obama. He then made an extended joke about being twitchy and nervous, which made everyone watching a little twitchy and nervous on his behalf. Later, he said some political things, but the best part was the hugging and twitching, so it's after the jump.

Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, who currently holds the title of "victory chair" of the Republican National Committee, sat down for an interview with HispanicBusiness magazine. She pretty much spoke to both sides of the H-1B visa question, saying that the country should welcome "smart, hard working people," but that McCain also believes in "retaining workers and revitalizing their ability to compete." More interestingly, when asked directly if she's interested in the position of vice president, she didn't shoot down the idea. "Ultimately, that will be up to John," she demurred. (Photo by AP/Charles Dharapak)

Richard took off for the day, just in time to miss the shocking news that nice young actress Heidi Montag is not registered to vote. Radar helpfully points her to voter registration sites so that she may help lead John McCain to victory. [Radar]

Remember when Heidi Montag endorsed John McCain? Well, she did and McCain responded gratefully and said that he was a big fan of Heidi's fake reality show, The Hills. This morning the presidential hopeful was on MSNBC's Morning Joe, and host Joe Scarborough said he was impressed with McCain's ability to tell a bald-faced lie like that, directly into the camera. (Um. His... his job.) McCain chuckled dutifully and then called Heidi "a very talented actress." HAHAHA. That is funny because the show is a reality show but it's mostly made up, and it would be fun if McCain were a sly devil like that, but actually he's just a befuddled old man who probably wasn't wearing pants during the interview. Then he and Scarborough chuckled grossly about, I'm assuming, the non-actress's boobiges. [Us] Video after the jump, watch like the first minute twenty five. Anything after that and your face will fall off.

Naturally, there are lots of important questions surrounding the presidential race. Whose policy on the war in Iraq will be the most effective? Will raising taxes help pull us out of this recession? Which candidate has the most viable solution to our nation's health care crisis? Who is Heidi Montag gonna vote for?

While the Democrats continue to battle one-another in Pennsylvania, GOP presidential candidate John McCain has been touring the nation on his bus, in what he's framing as a personal, not political tour. But while the media was all over Barack Obama's vacation in the Virgin Islands, little has been reported on McCain's nine days in Rio de Janeiro. Though McCain himself has been remarkably open about the trip, describing his routine in Rio as "excessive drinking, nightclubbing and little or no sleep." The newly Rupert Murdoch-ified Wall Street Journal now tells us of McCain's whirlwind romance with a mysterious "Brazilian model."

"I'm honored to have Heidi's support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of 'The Hills,' especially since the new season started."–GOP presidential candidate John McCain, to Time, on his recent endorsement from scary reality-soap abomination Heidi Montag. Then Lauren Conrad endorsed a puppy, but the puppy bit her. [Time via Us, Earlier] Photo: Heather Brand

It's no surprise that MSNBC is tilting to the political left; the cable news network admitted as much to the Times in the fall. But MSNBC is still figuring out how far to push its political bent into viewers' faces. If the network's coverage of a recent speech by Republican presidential candidate John McCain is anything to go by, it is edging toward becoming the Fox News of the left, as Fox itself feared. Saying he believes Iraq is a key Al Qaeda battleground, where of course America should fight an endless war forever, McCain told an MSNBC reporter, "General Petraeus and I and Osama bin Laden are in agreement," and the news network dug into the quote like the journalistic red meat that it was. See the headline at left for a flavor of how MSNBC covered the story. Video of McCain's treasonous comments is after the jump.

So now that we know everything we need to know about balls and penises, we've turned our attention to politics, and to the penis of John McCain, the man—the hero—who could be our next president. After the jump, five important facts about John McCain's penis.

Is former eBay CEO Meg Whitman impacting John McCain's immigration policy? Currently, the U.S. government refuses to raise the cap on H-1Bs, the visas which allow foreign engineers to work at American companies. This despite the fact that By 2010, Asians will account for 90 percent of the world's engineers. In this clip McCain says he'll fix that problem. Though not without due concern for the terrorists, of course.

Has anyone made the "McCain Promises to Remain in Housing Crisis for 100 Years" joke yet? [NYT]

Not only are these ladies almost a year late for the "Obama Girl" craze, they're so deliciously terrible and so enthusiastic that I laughed until, for the second time ever, YouTube made me cry. The backing track sounds like it's from a Game Boy. The women are, well, they don't look like Obama Girl (although one looks like Fat Jenna from 30 Rock). One of them has pants that disappear on greenscreen. And in the final chorus it's literally raining McCain. This video is the metric equivalent of ten thousand nights of karaoke.

In a survey that found Obama and McCain in a dead heat among IT professionals, Clinton and Huckabee came in a surprisingly close second for both parties. The methodology seems suspect: Where were the Ron Paul supporters? [PC World]

Why are the Republicans hiring, and then suspending, the likes of "consultants" Soren Dayton? Because they're desperate to catch up to the Democrats when it comes to building candidate support online, and will pay anyone armed with buzzwords, apparently. When lovable nutjob Ron Paul can pull a bigger audience of Web supporters than someone who might actually win the ticket, your party has problems. Don't worry, GOP! Valleywag is here to help with a handy guide on how to game social networks for political advantage without getting caught.

Speechwriter and think-tanker Joshua Treviño has started a group , "Support Soren Dayton!", for the embattled ex-campaign aide to John McCain. [Facebook]

Soren Dayton, an aide to the McCain campaign, posted a link to his Twitter account of an inflammatory YouTube mashup of Barack Obama's recent speech on race, remarking that it's a "Good video on Obama and Wright." The video mingles clips featuring Obama, wife Michelle, controversial pastor Jeremiah Wright, and Malcolm X, the ultimate redneck boogieman. Of course, the post was quickly deleted, followed by the entire Twitter account, and now Dayton's been suspended from the campaign. Way to leverage social media! After the jump, the clip the McCain campaign either wanted you to see or didn't, depending on when you asked:

GOP presidential nominee John McCain has a famously gross relationship with the press corps—they all fawn over him and he talks to them incessantly about everything and once he invited them to a barbecue at his house. The relationship is a bit of mixed bag for McCain of course, because it leads to situations like people reporting that he still, in his words, "hate[s] gooks." But the press generally doesn't spend weeks debating the meaning of McCain's friendship with nutcases like Rod Parsley. Maybe that'll change? NPR correspondent Scott Horsley is apparently sick of all this candidness: "They are an open book when it comes to their strategy, their tactics, their view of the race. It gets to the point where you just want them to shut up sometimes." [HuffPo]

Republican presidential nominee John McCain plays the press well. They love him because he makes them feel wanted and invites them over for barbecues! But then sometimes they get embarrassed and snap back with passive-aggressive attacks like almost saying he fucked a lobbyist. And then Senator McCain gets mad. He gets sooo mad! On his plane today, John McCain yelled at New York Times reporter Elisabeth Bumiller for a full minute-and-a-half for daring to ask him about a 2004 quote to the Times. The most telling exchange came at the end: "Can I ask you about your, uh... why you're so angry?" Aggressively leaning in, McCain replies, "pardon me?" "Nevermind," Bumiller mumbles. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the "John McCain can't keep his temper in check" meme. You'll be seeing a lot of it! Video of the incident after the jump.

George W. Bush has a special relationship with the press: he threatens them with prosecution, pressures them to withhold damaging stories, and accuses them of treason in order to drum up anti-media sentiment among the masses. But he also gives them funny nicknames, so they like him. John McCain, the Republican nominee for President, enjoys taking the press to barbecues and having friendly chats with journalists about how much he hates "gooks." And as this clip from Bush's endorsement of McCain earlier today shows, once he is elected he will not suffer their "questions" bullshit either.

Sure, Democratic presidential aspirant Barack Obama's middle name is "Hussein," but it turns out his Panamanian-born Republican counterpart Señor John McCain has a far more shameful middle name, and conservative Republicans are wasting no time humiliating him for it. Right-wing radio host Bill Cunningham went on Fox News and accurately refered to Walnuts as "John Sidney McCain III," which is Republican for "gay Boston Brahmin." Cunningham was ostensibly trying to make the point that middle names don't matter, since he is in hot water for referring to Obama using his middle name at a John "Mexico" McCain rally yesterday. But all he really proved is that middle names are an effective, if cheap, way to slam a politician like foreign dandy Juan McCain. Here is Cunningham making fun of McCain's name, possibly on accident, and generally acting like a two-bit demagogue: