The Hill has released its annual wealthiest members of Congress list, and for the second consecutive year, ol' horse-face John Kerry wins! (Although it's mostly his wife's money.) But what other members should you shake your pitchforks at this year?

[Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan shot Sen. John Kerry the death stare today when he gave America's nakedest Senator Scott Brown a flirty squeeze during her first day of confirmation hearings. Photo via Getty Images.]

Is John Kerry the real-life Captain Planet? No. But in a lot of ways, Yes! On Thursday, Kerry, alongside Joe Lieberman ("Heart"), introduced his thousand-page climate bill, the American Power Act. Let us answer your Frequently Asked Questions regarding it.

[John Kerry gets ready to hear Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner testify about the Financial Crisis Responsibility Fee, the recovery of TARP funds, and other hugely exciting economic matters at a Senate Finance Committee hearing in Washington today. Image via Getty]

The great Time Warner Cable-Fox TV standoff continues. Though TWC threatened to stop broadcasting Fox's channels at midnight last night, the deadline has extended and negotiations are still under way—and nobody knows whether the Sugar Bowl will air!

Senator and former presidential candidate John Kerry turns 66 today. Actress, comedian and TV host Mo'Nique is turning 42. Jermaine Jackson is 55. Motley Crew's Nikki Sixx is 51. Montana Senator Max Baucus turns 68 today. Mos Def is turning 36. One-time reality TV star Lisa Gastineau is 50. Bay boy Brit chef Marco Pierre White is 48. And '80s actresses Teri Garr and Donna Mills are turning 65 and 67, respectively. A handful of weekend birthdays are below.

• Mariah Carey must be determined to earn back the title of "world's most demanding diva." For an appearance at a London shopping shopping center to kick off the holiday season, she asked for 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, and confetti shaped like butterflies. She also requested a Rolls-Royce, pink carpet, pink podium, and a security staff of 80 to protect her entourage of 15. Then again all she asked for in her dressing room were a few bottles of water, so it isn't as if she's totally out of control, is it? [NYDN, DM]
• Jude Law made the unfortunate decision to move into a building next to an NYU dorm and he hasn't been too happy about the students who invariably look down on him as he plays with his kids or works out with his trainer. When Law recently noticed students waving at him from across the way, he responded by pelting their windows with oranges. That'll do it! [NYP]
• Madonna is still saving the world. But she isn't taking any chances while she does it, clearly. She insisted on wearing a bullet-proof vest under her jacket while touring a "lawless" Rio de Janeiro favela recently. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's gig at Emanuel Ungaro may be coming to an end soon. The company's chairman reportedly wants her out since he, like the rest of the world, wasn't impressed with the "cheesy and dated" outfits she debuted at Paris Fashion Week, and many stores are refusing to carry the line. Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige wants to keep her, though, to save face. [P6]

Mitch Winehouse offers charming new details about his daughter's breasts; Adam Lambert fires back at Out magazine's editor; Miley Cyrus literally dresses like a whore. Friday's gossip is losing its sense of irony, but makes up for it with cleavage.

Charlene Lugar, the wife of staid Indiana Sen. Dick Lugar, was charged with DWI in McLean, Va., last night after driving into a parked car. Now we know who does all the partying (or vodka-in-the-coffee-thermos drinking) in the Lugar family.

Sinclair Broadcast Group, the media company that aggressively used its 57 television stations to distribute lies about John Kerry and did everything it could to make sure George W. Bush won re-election in 2004, is on the verge of bankruptcy.

Remember John Kerry? Apparently he ran for president in 2004 or something. Anyway, he's celebrating his 65th today. Mos Def is turning 35. Faded '80s actresses Teri Garr and Donna Mills are 64 and 66, respectively. British chef Marco Pierre White is 47. Motley Crew bassist Nikki Sixx is turning 50. And Jermaine Jackson is 54.

"Sampley says Fox News producers haven't invited him on to bash McCain the way he bashed Kerry." [Daily News]

• New revelations from the legal battle between The Weinstein Co. and NBC over Project Runway: It turns out that Tim Gunn didn't get paid a dime for his participation during the show's first season (he got paid just $2,500 per episode for the second), Harvey Weinstein hates Bravo chief Lauren Zalaznick, and Bravo didn't send Heidi Klum a respectable thank-you gift, even after the show became a major hit. [R&M]

How, we ask you, could someone named "T. Boone Pickens" possibly be bad? T. Boone is, as you have probably guessed, a Texas billionaire. An oil billionaire! But he does not spend his billions on running moonshine or buying the world's largest cement pond. No, instead Pickens-who will be played by Charles Durning for the remainder of this post-funds slanderous attack campaigns against Democratic political candidates. The campaigns feature lies so ridiculous that the only people who regularly take them seriously work at every cable news station and many newspapers.

Reggie Love is Senator Barack Obama's amusingly named "body man." He's a 26-year-old former college football and basketball player. Also he's really cool! The Times has a total crush on him, and they tell us all about how Mr. Love is totally good at sports and got Obama into hip-hop and fist-bumps reporters. (Or, as they put it, he "offers closed-fist high-fives to members of the news media.") He's with Barry all the time, and has pens and Sharpies and nicotine gum and stuff. He also makes sure no one ever tries to give the senator mayo or a second beer. And they play basketball! Soooo cool! No, seriously, he's really really cool.

Andrew Meyer, a student at the University of Florida who was tasered after trying to ask John Kerry questions at a forum, got his 15 minutes of fame when millions saw video of him saying, "Don't tase me, bro!" on YouTube. If you thought it was the funniest thing you've ever seen, and you're a Verizon Wireless customer, you're in luck! You can purchase "Don't Tase Me Bro!" as your ringback tone. (A ringback tone is a short song or audio clip that plays when someone calls you. So, instead of hearing a boring "ring ring," your debt collectors and babydaddies will hear "DON'T TASE ME, BRO! ARGHH!" repeatedly. Who doesn't want that?) OK, seriously, this must be a sign of the coming apocalypse. For those who missed it, the full video of the arrest and tasing is after the jump.

We had no idea that former presidential candidate John Kerry offers a movie recommendation service, but a subscriber who's already ponying up the $9.95 monthly fee to receive the Senator's film picks has let us know that he's somewhat predictably followed previous selections of blockbuster eco-thrillers An Inconvenient Truth and the Eleventh Hour with another politically minded feature, the Paul Haggis Iraq war drama In The Valley of Elah. (Would it have killed him to go with Michael Clayton? Clooney could really use the help.) After the jump, the e-mail describing how the writer/director grabbed Kerry's heartstrings with his Oscar-winning heavy hands from the opening scene and wouldn't let go until the final credits stopped rolling:

So remember back when the NYT misquoted John Kerry's "botched joke" back in November and had to run a correction? It's now corrected online, but the original article, by Kate Zernike, quoted Kerry as making the joke exactly as it'd appeared in his prepared remarks — "Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush" — except with the omission of the word 'us.' The actual quote, as per the correction the Times originally ran on 11/3: ""You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

· "susan sarandon in the window of city bakery today @ 9:45am"
· "saturday, 19 april, 9.00pm: kim gordon and thurston moore of sonic youth plus moby at the opening of kim's new show at the participant inc. gallery, rivington and ludlow. (i'm sure there must've been some assorted strokes or the like around, too). kim looked stunning, her art looked pretty cool,
thurston looked really tall and unassuming, while moby looked kinda scruffy. afterward everyone decamped to the pink pony, where chloe sevigny happened to be languidly lounging and looking fantastic with two friends on the storefront banquette."
· From HINT Maga "smelly Moby sighting?": "Which world renowned superstar dj was literally funking up Joe's Pub last night with his crowd of friends. Many in the crowdwere hoping the "funny" smelly cigarettes they were smoking would mask theb.o., but alas.....apparently deoderant does not fit into the vegan lifestyle."
· "I just saw the ever secretive and reclusive steve guttenberg drinking Tab at lemon bar."

· Pop star Fred Durst is a big fan of Chelsea Clinton's. [Page Six]
· Rudy Giuliani's ex-wife Donna Hanover is engaged to marry her high school sweetheart, California lawyer, Ed Oster. [Page Six]
· GQ staffers are afraid that if Men's Health Editor Dave Zincenko replaces long-time GQ Editor Art Cooper, he'll "come in and expect them to eat granola and go jogging at lunch hour." [Page Six]
· Kate Winslet on nude scenes: "My bum's massive. My back's spotty. I have chicken arms. And I personally think my bosom's sagging. Hard for me to do that but I know it is liberating." [Cindy Adams]
· Senator John Kerry at a fundraiser at Cipriani on recovery from prostate cancer surgery: "I've learned a lot in the last three weeks. But nothing beats watching C-SPAN on drugs." [NY Daily News]