Rumors of the Goldblum/Ford deaths were greatly exaggerated, David Gregory throws a hissy over Joe Scarborough, Kate Gosselin sports a bikini in the driveway, Kim Kardashian lusts for Megan Fox and Chris Brown and Rihanna want to touch.

• An autopsy is scheduled to be performed on Michael Jackson this morning; just when the results will be back isn't clear. Meanwhile, attention is being focused on the drugs Jackson may have been taking just before he went into cardiac arrest yesterday, a "cocktail" that may have included the powerful narcotic Demerol. [AP, NYP, Sun, TMZ]
• Naturally, Jackson's death has led just about every living celebrity to issue a statement, extend condolences, and/or use otherwise clog up Twitter with some sort of thought on Jackson's passing. [People, Mirror, NYP]
• Jackson was reportedly $500 million in debt when he died. [NYP]
• As for how Jackson's kids are coping with the news, they're supposedly "very upset" but "fine," whatever that means. But no one knows who will take custody of them or if Jackson left behind and instructions. [Sun]
• In the meantime, Jackson's fans have been holding vigils outside the hospital where his body is located, outside the Neverland Ranch, and in front of his childhood home in Gary, Indiana, among other places. [TMZ, TMZ]

MSNBC's token Republican Joe Scarborough appeared on a guest on Meet The Press this morning and essentially gave credit to Barack Obama for setting the stage for revolution in Iran with his recent speech in Cairo.

If you watch the Daily Show you've seen Jon Stewart taking some shots lately at Joe Scarborough and MSNBC's Morning Joe. Today Scarborough fired back, going so far as to say that Stewart's raging persona is "kinda like Bill O'Reilly!"

Newsweek interviewed MSNBC morning host Joe Scarborough last week, and prominently mentioned when Scarborough defended the murderer of an abortion doctor. That didn't go over well in Scarborough country, so Newsweek editor— and frequent Scarborough guest—Jon Meacham changed it.

Dr. George Tiller wasn't the first abortion doctor to be murdered by a pro-life jihadist. In 1993, Dr. David Gunn was shot and killed in Florida by Michael Griffin. Who was Griffin's attorney? MSNBC morning host (and Starbucks lover) Joe Scarborough!

If there's anyone who'd want to take Steve Rattner—the media-savvy financier-cum-auto-czar who is embroiled in a pay-to-play pension scandal—down a notch, it would be fearless Wall Street bulldog Eliot Spitzer, right? Wrong.

Marc Jacobs has several reasons to celebrate today. In addition to his recent engagement, he'll also be blowing out 46 candles on his birthday cake today. Others marking the big day: NBC chief Jeff Zucker is 44. Hugh Hefner turns 83. Cynthia Nixon is 43. Leighton Meester is turning 23. Albert Hammond Jr. is turning 29. Joe Scarborough is 46. Porn queen Jenna Jameson is 35. Dennis Quaid turns 55. Fashion designer Martin Margiela is 52. Restaurateur Taavo Somer turns 36. Twilight actress Kristen Stewart is 19. Jesse McCartney turns 22. America's Next Top Model winner Yoanna House is 29. And former model-turned-ANTM judge Paulina Porizkova is 44.

You have to hand it to Jon Stewart: The Daily Show host at least has the good sense to mock his "Basic Cable Personality Clash" with Jim Cramer the very moment it becomes mockable.

"People assume there's some FCC rule that says you can't drink alcohol on television. Nonsense. No such rule exists." -Morning Joe's Willie Geist

Someone stole $6 from MSNBC's Mika Brzezinkski, outside her fancy Washington DC hotel. It was such a terrible mugging that Joe Scarborough complained about it, to the mayor, on the TV!

MSNBC moved to protect America from Joe Scarborough and his vile, cursed curses. According to Broadcasting & Cable, the Morning Joe host will be delayed seven seconds to hopefully prevent a repeat of his on-air "fuck you" Monday morning. That puts the former Republican Congressman in the same electronic dunce cap as Don Imus, who was tape-delayed by the cable network before he managed to broadcast something racist anyway. There's already chatter this makes Scarborough's show less edgy and "dangerous," but a tape delay can't prevent another nasty on-air fracas between Scarborough and his lefty colleagues, now can it?

♦ Following a small incident yesterday, MSNBC is reportedly planning to institute a tape-delay on Morning Joe beginning on Monday. [TVNewser]
♦ Vivian Schiller, the head of NYTimes.com, is leaving to join NPR as its new CEO. [Gawker]
♦ NBC political director Chuck Todd is co-authoring a book called How Obama Won that will be published by Knopf before the inauguration in January. [NYO]
♦ Ted Turner doesn't have too many good things to say about Time Warner as he hits the trail to promote his new book. [Portfolio, Gawker]
♦ Why was Cindy Adams so furious about her Wikipedia entry a few weeks ago? It says she's 83 when she's actually 78. [HuffPo]

Here's a way keep up cable news ratings now that the election is over: MSNBC's Joe Scarborough casually dropped the F-word into his commentary on Morning Joe this morning, much to the surprise of his guests. A clip of the slip-up is on your left. [YouTube via Atrios]

So Joe Scarborough was on his MSNBC show this morning complimenting the Obama team for not going around "saying 'fuck you.'" The problem here, Joe, is that you actually said "fuck you" on air, which you're not supposed to do. Rather, you are supposed to indicate the foul word with a placeholder such as "bleep you" or the more edgy "F-you." But then you'd sound like a serious nerd. On second thought, Joe, just keep on doing your thing. Click to watch the historic video clip of Joe Scarborough, television host, saying the f-word, which leads to Time magazine's Jay Carney grinning outlandishly like a third grader whose best friend just called the teacher a "doo doo head."

So how the hell does John McCain pull this one out of the bag? Even the conservative commentators think the national economic crash has doomed him. Bill O'Reilly said Tuesday the Republican presidential nominee needed to do well at the debate or "say goodbye," and he didn't do well at all. Now comes Joe Scarborough on last night's Colbert Report saying "it's too late" for McCain because he can't win on tax cuts or a sexy VP or terrorist fearmongering or just general demagoguery when voters are scared of starving in the streets.

It comes as no huge shock to hear that the on-air bickering that has characterized MSNBC's coverage of the Democratic convention has carried over into behind-the-scenes tension and backbiting. The reports poured in last night. Politico quoted a "high-ranking journalist" who said "the situation at our channel is about to blow up." Jossip reported that both staff and top brass believe network host Keith Olbermann is way out of bounds in bashing other anchors. And the Wall Street Journal quotes former MSNBC host Connie Chung thusly: "Grow up! They have to just grow up." Whose fault is all this? Probably MSNBC chief Phil Griffin, whose staff (judging from all the reports) have a hard a time trusting. Well, he is the fellow who keeps rather ridiculously insisting MSNBC isn't becoming the left-wing Fox News. But the Journal has found another guilty party: Tim Russert, who had to go and die:

• Michael Lohan is is convinced his daughter is drinking again, and that Lindsay's relationship with Samantha Ronson is to blame. In other Lohan family news, Samantha may be writing a book about her relationship with Lindsay—whose 48-year-old father recently popped the question to his 24-year-old girlfriend, Erin Muller. [MSNBC, E!, OK]

Cable news is a hyper-competitive environment full of huge egos fighting with each other for every scrap of a ratings point. And at this time of year, with all the shouting heads descending upon the political convention like a gang of ferrets into a small sack, conflict is inevitable. Plus it's hot, and there's not too much real news anyhow, so everyone is grumpy. After the jump, an illustrated guide to the most vicious feuds in the cable world. Pick your side, demonize your enemies, and play along:

Breakfast shows can fail if the anchors don't have compatible chemistry. But the on-air flirtation can go too far. Case in point: Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC. The former Republican congressman-now reinvented as a liberal darling of cable news-hosts a show called Morning Joe with Brzezinski, daughter of Jimmy Carter's cold-war national security advisor. As this clip shows, Scarborough and Brzezinski-both married, Scarborough for the second time-have an exceedingly warm relationship; they'd better tone it down a bit because their on-air antics have convinced MSNBC grunts the two are pursuing an off-camera affair.