Joe Biden's niece, 26-year-old Caroline, got into a scuffle with the NYPD after getting into a scuffle with her roommate.

Everybody claims to love Joe Biden, but in fact nobody wants to hear his story. They just want to objectify him as the "cool old creep" who somehow became vice president. If people truly cared about Joe Biden, he would've made a lot more than "less than $201" on book sales.

What did Vice President Joe Biden and newly-ensconced Pope Francis talk about in their brief conversation on the long receiving line following the new pope's first mass? It's probably best left to historians and Joe/Frank 'shippers (#Friden), but one imagines the working class came up, as it often does (we hear) in conversation with both Biden and the former Cardinal Borgoglio. It was a brief chat, in any event; 70-year-old Biden was polite enough to let the 76-year-old pope off the hook quickly (unlike, who was that, the wife of the President of Portugal? Who talked his ear off), and Francis continued his long meet and greet, which included Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe, barred from EU travel but allowed in the Vatican. The mass that preceded the receiving line was short and simple, focused on the poor and the call to service; it drew a large (and loud) crowd to receive communion from priests carrying yellow umbrellas. If nothing else, Biden seemed to have a good time:

A group of apparently Russian hackers, working on the website "exposed.su," claims to have published the private personal information of—or "doxxed"—17 politicians and celebrities. Victims include Michelle Obama, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Attorney General Eric Holder, FBI Director Robert Mueller, all of whom had credit reports posted to the website, as well as Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden, whose social security numbers were published.

Master schmoozer Joe Biden took part in something called a "Facebook town hall" hosted by Parents Magazine earlier today. Biden was there, presumably, to talk about parenting advice, but, as tends to happen these days on Facebook (if, like me, you're from the South), the conversation turned to gun laws. One of the town hall's participants asked Biden if President Obama's gun control package, which contains proposals to ban military-style assault weapons and high-capacity gun magazines, would make law-abiding citizens "more of a target for criminals as [they] will have no way to sufficiently defend [themselves]."

Today Washington, D.C. was all atwitter with the graduation of President Obama from first-term president to second-term president. Here is your Inauguration 2013 yearbook.

Joe Biden was sworn in to his second term this morning. A Corvette delivered the oath, kidding, it was Sonia Sotomayor.

Joe Biden, your slightly creepy yet enchanting uncle, welcomed a host of new (and returning) senators to the Capitol today, and boy, was he happy to be the center of attention. If you've ever wanted to understand the type of personality it takes to be a lifelong politician, please consult the above video of Biden's epic schmoozing, compiled by TPM. Joe Biden, everybody. What a professional.

Barack Obama is a master of the casually revealing photo. For months, you'll see the President of the United States blocking out a stiff rectangular space behind all those podiums, seeming a little vulnerably gangly in one of his slightly roomy grey or blue suits, alternating among a familiar reserve of strained expressions meant to convey leadership, certainty, disappointment, concern, reason, gravity, and occasional disgust. But then, at a regularly reaffirming clip, there are these moments when the President of the United States seems most at ease, somewhat unguarded, and most resolutely human. In these scenes, Obama's character doesn't shrink, it swells.

What was United States Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden doing while his boss officially claimed victory over a vanquished opponent during the ancient mystical ceremony of "private lunch"? Big Joe Biden was at Costco looking for pies, that's what he was doing.

This is a big fucking deal: everyone wish Joe Biden, and his impossibly perfect teeth, a Happy 70th Birthday.

Joe Biden's secret Parks and Recreation cameo, which was announced just last week, aired last night and was as adorable as it was the first time you dreamed it.

Because America is finally allowed to have nice things again, this is happening:

Yes, that's Joe Biden delivering a bag of Dunkin' Donuts and a carton of coffee to a Field Office in Florida. He is wearing a very nice navy-blue blazer with gold buttons, slacks, and a pair of aviators because that is what Joe Biden wears to go pick up Dunkin' Donuts. No, he did not once look this serious during his debate with Paul Ryan.

After mocking MSNBC's now infamous freakout over Obama's first debate performance, Jon Stewart turned the spotlight on Fox's latest attempts to spin the debate in Ryan's favor. Across the board, Fox News made some expected accusations: Biden's laughing was "hostile, aggressive, scornful"; some not so expected accusations: "Dementia"; and, of course, some all together laughable accusations courtesy of "Eskimo Annie Oakley" Sarah Palin: Biden "reminded me of a muskox running across the tundra with Ryan and [Raddatz] underfoot."

Yesterday, during an armchair psychoanalysis of Joe Biden's performance at last week's VP debate, controversial Fox News psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow told his fellow "Medical A-Team" members that, in his expert opinion, Joe Biden might be suffering from dementia.

According to Twitter, the vice presidential debate was entirely more lively than the first presidential debate. According to Joe Biden, the vice presidential debate was very funny—nay, hilarious. The current VP chuckled almost every time Paul Ryan opened his mouth. But who can blame him when Ryan changed his mind at least three times over the course of the debate, still could not produce numbers to back up his tax plan, and basically said that his reason for wanting to outlaw abortion is that his daughter once looked like a bean? Seriously.

The 2012 vice presidential debate begins at 9 p.m. How drunk will Joe Biden be? How drunk will we be? How many push-ups will Paul Ryan do? How many very direct analogies to pornography or guitar solos can an event like this inspire? Join us here for a liveblog with my esteemed colleague Drew Magary.

The vice presidential debates are tonight. We expect and assume that, as in most elections, the debates—and the subsequent election—will be decided primarily upon the basis of which candidate most fully embodies the wise teachings of Gawker Media fitness columns. Well, shut it down, Biden has won, no need to show up today, might as well stay home and moisturize, "SNOWFLAKE" Ryan.

Deep down, probably all of us secretly wish that The Onion's version of Vice President Joe Biden were real. Perhaps it's all those gaffes talking—the combined weight of decades of gives-no-fuck moments leading to the suspicion that maybe this is a dude who would be willing to race you for the vice presidency because, face it, your IROC-Z is bullshit. The idea that any iteration of that dude might show up is what makes tomorrow night's vice presidential debate so potentially exciting.