High on the list of email subject lines that make us very nervous — up there with "I got the test results back" and "Mediabistro invites you to an EXCLUSIVE cocktail party!" — is one that arrived in our inbox early this afternoon: "What's with all the Jews?" (As we understand it, that was a popular forward in the Weimar Republic.) As it happens, though, today's correspondent was actually posing an interesting question:
We know this video is advertising some Purim event at Makor, the younger and (theoretically) hipper branch on the 92nd Street Y on the West Side. But we have no idea what the event is. We just know that the shtick of the Channel 35 phone-sex commercial that instead stars two nice Jewish girls — one in a Brandeis sweatshirt — is pretty damn funny. "I'll do anything you want," the redhead says suggestively while music pulses in the background, "as long as it doesn't stain." Oh, we like it when you talk clean to us.
While we've been busily trying to sort out our feelings about the new Times website — it seems more good than bad, though we do so hate change — a reader pointed us to a very exciting new feature:
For those so lucky as to attend an athletics-obsessed undergraduate instituition, it comes as firsthand knowledge that any sort of "learning" is put on hold for most of March, so that basketball players may pursue the sweat-soaked glory of a NCAA championship. But a student at the University of Florida, whose team plays in tonight's final against UCLA, reports that the madness has hit a new high:
• At Lower East Side sushi joint Cube 63, Gwyneth Paltrow is seen downing a Guinness — some doctors say that the stout is alright for expecting mothers because of its iron content. Later, as she downed her third redheaded slut, she told onlookers that the J ger was good for baby's liver. [Gatecrasher]
• Good Morning America executive producer John Green doesn't want to book former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright because she has "Jew shame," which is much worse than the average "Jew guilt," we suppose. [Page Six]
• With all the news about the 9/11 911 tapes being released, Lloyd Grove's headline, "Tale of the 911 Tape: Star Jones Was in Peril," was surprisingly challenging for us to comprehend. [Lowdown]
• Page Six finally decides to throw a bone to Ellen Barkin, claiming that she'll have the last laugh in her divorce from Ron Perelman. Why? Because she'll have an on-screen romance with Matt Damon in Ocean's 13. As if being in that overstretched franchise does anyone any good. [Page Six]
• Justin Timberlake thinks that his ex-girlfriend Britney Spears' husband, the luscious Kevin Federline, is "gross." Way to go out on a limb there with the risky opinions. [Scoop]
While there's been a certain amount of debate in the media concerning the accuracy and fairness of online, user-contributed encyclopedia Wikipedia, we've got to say that any resource that provides us with a list of who the gays are goes right to the top of our Favorites folder. If only someone could cross-reference it with the list of Jews, we'd pretty much be in heaven.
Speaking of Jews (and, this being a media site, when aren't we, really), the Mayor recently explained his decision not to fire city jail Imam Umar Abdul-Jalil with the claim that, being Jewish and all, "it may be easier for me to approach these situations with the Muslim community." According to The Post, the mayor asserted that "his religion gives him a better perspective on what the imam said." Because, you know, there's that long tradition of Jewish/Muslim harmony and understanding. Maybe it's the lack of pork in the diet. In any event, the mayor went on to say that "you can't fire someone for things they do outside the office." But just let the imam get caught playing solitaire on city time
No foreskins need apply.
Bagpipers spotted warming up on West 45th Street. Sure, their Danny Boy is good. But their Hava Nagilah is better.
We've spent far too much time poring over Forbes' dangerous list of the world's billionaires — like the blinking lights of a Nintendo, the reality of our own poverty triggered seizures. But after we took our medication, we were able to narrow down the list to those claiming residence in New York. And of those 50 New York billionaires, our somewhat unconfirmed research pulls up 29 members of the tribe. Only 29?! For shame!
A Times correction:
• Finally, an explanation as to why Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston: She was an underminer ("the best friend who casually destroys your life," as per the book of the same name). As her former roommate Nancy Balbirer reveals, Aniston advised her to be "more fuckable" and buy chicken cutlets to stuff her bra. In Aniston's defense, only a true friend would tell you to be a better whore. [Lowdown]
• An associate of LA nightlife's grand dame Amanda Scheer-Demme accuses rival promoter Brent Bolthouse of "selling out to the Jew." Well, that is the only way to get ahead in Hollywood. [Page Six]
• Clint Eastwood's son may be a real-life Gay Cowboy. [R&M]
• Clay Aiken fans file a formal complaint with the FTC after realizing that the American Idol runner-up was falsely marketed as anything but a big 'mo. [Page Six]
• Don't believe the Brangelina gift registry at Tiffany's — there's no way they'd have you spend your money when you could be using it to feed a one-legged Haitian orphan. [Jossip]
• NB to all gossips: chubby doesn't mean pregnant. [Scoop]
Was this really shot late one recent night on Brooklyn yeshiva scene, as we were told it was by the hipster Hasid who sent it in? Who knows? But it's one teenage Hasidic boychik, complete with tzitzit and the big hat, rocking out Michael Jackson-style, as all his little Hasidic friends cheer him on. And it's kind of freaking hilarious. L'chaim!
This is what appeared nine months ago on a West 33rd Street billboard, directly opposite the Daily News's office windows:
Last week, we briefly considered the possibility that "flamboyant" figure skater Johnny Weir was Jewish. We were quickly dissuaded from the notion by persuasive commenters. (Also by the H in his first name, his juniorness, and the fact he's a guy who's a professional ice-skater.) For today's paper, The Washington Post went shopping with Johnny, and the resulting frontpage Style piece not only fills us in on the boychik's fondness for the latest Louis Vuitton but also provides, finally, a good answer to the one-of-us? question:
So we're sitting in a Dunkin Donuts on Second Avenue, having just checked the front window of the Second Avenue Deli ourselves, when we see Eater has beaten us to the punch. The above sign, affixed to the beloved and bygone deli is worrisome, sure. But we also agree with our foodie friends' assessment: It's clearly a hoax.
Last time we checked in with Forbes media columnist James Brady — the Parade celeb-swaddler, Page Six creator, and longtime Murdoch factotum — he was, rather generously, praising Bonnie Fuller's "successful" stint at AMI and spinning the time Conde Nast fired her as Bonnie's own decision to leave. This week, prompted by a Romenesko link, we were curious to see what MPA chairman Jack Kilger had done to get Brady to swallow his spiel — magazines have turned the corner! advertisers love them again! — as much as he'd bought into Bon-Bon's blather.
Jack Lebewohl's workmen didn't cart off every last bit of Second Avenue Delitritus last week. One last relic remains: This Deli-logo'd garbage can. Streetwalking photog Bucky Turco sends along the above image and reports that the thing is a hell of a lot harder to remove than you'd think. But if you show up with a crew of stout-hearted men, we're sure you can finagle it.
• Colin Farrell's lawyer's beat up on poor little Jossip, but Jossip lives to tale the tale. [Jossip]
• Which is not to say Farrell's lawyers have caught up with all the cock pix quite yet. [Totally Joshness]
• Freygate forces Oprah to make a drastic move with her Book Club. [Storms Illustration via Emdashes]
• Naturally, the one time the English and the Germans successfully cooperate on something, it's a hideous line-dancing song you haven't been able to forget nearly a decade later. [Silver Jacket]
• Just in: Scientists have identified the four ur-Jewish mothers, from whom 40 percent of all Ashkenazim are descended. Reply the mothers, "What, so now you finally decide to write?" [Reuters via Yahoo!]
• We can't relieve believe we're mentioning this, but, as what's apparently Diabetes Appreciation Week continues, you can finally get away from the pictures of unfortunate, obese, poor people the Times has been foisting on us all and instead tune into CNBC Sunday night as — we kid you not — Poison's Bret Michaels "talks candidly about partying with diabetes." [dLife]
