Ustream.tv business-development associate Mazyar Kazerooni will do anything to get ahead — including, it seems, a little asphyxiation at the ubiquitous hands of Fast Company egoblogger Robert Scoble. Since this is a caption contest (the winning caption becomes the post's new title) you might like to know that yes, Kazerooni is under 18. Just like another one of Scoble's friends, Jessica Mah. The winner of Friday's contest: Leah Culver with "While now able to afford real women engineers, Google engineers are still embarrassed by their inflatable booth."

Has TED organizer Chris Anderson lost his senses? He has invited Digg founder Kevin Rose to TED 2009 — an honor Rose announced on Twitter in hackerspeak. (If you're a regular TED attendee, you may not know that "woot" is an exclamation of excitement; spelling it with numbers is supposed to make it more impressive.) With the arrival of Rose and teenage wantrepreneur Jessica Mah, more TED oldtimers are sure to flee the annual Valley-meets-Hollywood schmoozefest.

A tipster writes in to tell us he was a little skeeved out by Fast Company TV videoblogger Robert Scoble. The offense? Manhandling the ladies at the NextWeb conference in Amsterdam two weeks ago.

The latest episode of Geek Entertainment TV has ebullient host Irina Slutsky asking SXSW attendees, "What has the Internet done for you lately?" Ambitious, underage entrepreneur Jessica Mah tells Slutsky that an appearance on Valleywag helped net inquiries from fifteen suitors — purely to discuss investment opportunities, people.

Michael, listen to me. Don't do it. It's not worth it. Yes, you weren't invited to the TED conference. Yes, 17-year-old entrepreneur Jessica Mah, a 17-year-old best known for blogging about how she "sucks at running companies," is going to TED next year. But you still have so much to give us still. If not at TechCrunch, then another startup blog.

And a child will lead them — down the garden path. PlaySpan is garnering buzz because its cofounder, 12-year-old Arjun Mehta, hauled in $6.5 million in venture capital (although it's suspected that his father and CEO Karl Mehta is using Arjun as a mere promotional tool). Talk about a startup in need of adult supervision. Arjun makes teenage entrepreneurs like Jessica Mah and Comcate founder Ben Casnocha look like pikers. The founder's age, however, is distracting reporters from the real question: Why did this company snag so much cash?

On Jessica Mah's Ustream.tv live chat, PodTech spokesblogger Robert Scoble breaks his recent vow of silence to observe, "Yeah. Well, it's a tough life to write everyday. Eventually you end up demonstrating you're human and looking stupid." Proving the adage that even a broken clock is right twice a day. [Ustream.tv]

NICK DOUGLAS — When a tech company actually builds something, you'll hear about it first at a news source like CNet or TechCrunch. But while it's still a glint in a startupper's eye and anything can happen, we're ready for the pre-op interview. Our two strategies: Be cruel, and drink beforehand (in this instance, a double screwdriver). Our first subject, 16-year-old college student Jessica Mah, already built and sold a company. Now she's working on what she calls the eBay of hired services. In the following interview, she tells me why she plans to make a billion dollars before she's 25.