When we heard today that Christina Ricci instructed her trainer to give her Jessica Biel's butt for her upcoming role in Speed Racer, we too remembered our longtime fascination with Biel's hard bottom. Even though Justin Timberlake famously praised the back door of Kylie Minogue, we're sure he's doing just fine enjoying his current girlfriend's assets. And considering we've had asses on the brain since Gisele thrust hers into our face this morning, we decided to just declare this Hump Day, well, Rump Day. Herewith, we present our picks for the top five best butts in Hollywood. And not to worry ladies; we'll be sure to devote an upcoming Hump Day to the male stars with the most appealing cushions for pushing.

· Why does it take the threat of a strike for people to start cranking out the truly genius ideas? Fox has ordered a script that could generate a Prison Break spin-off set in a women's penitentiary, a project that would be perfect for Michelle Rodriguez once she concludes some previous obligations. [THR]
· ABC's Cavemen inches ever closer to joining Viva Laughlin in the Fall season's "bold TV experiments canceled too soon to see how terrible they could eventually become" club, drawing its lowest key demo ratings to date. Somewhere, Hugh Jackman's wife sheds a tear in sympathy. [Variety]

In the matter of Blogger vs. Jessica Biel's Hotness, Corporate Casual declares: "But I guess it's like they always say, one man's 'sexiest woman alive,' is another man's 'lead actress in the Frances McDormand bio-pic.'" [Corporate Casual]

Fresh off her triumphant turn as I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry's featured fake-gay-home-wrecking plot device, bodaciously tata'd ingenue Jessica Biel is busily plotting her next career moves. Like fellow B-list fantasy object Jessica Alba, Biel is concerned her looks might be preventing her from winning the kinds of Serious Parts she feels she's ready to tackle. Talking to MTV News, she says she's ready to subject herself to the rigors of the prosthetic uglification process:

· Today's pleasant surprise: TB Guy (already greenlighted to 2008 sitcom pilot by ABC, incidentally) has a hot wife! Also: Fuck you, TB Guy! says HuffPo blogger, rest of world's humans.
· This just in: shitty ratings are not good for network president job security. Mind-blowing, we know.
· Another great reason (even better than $1300 pre-teen Mystic tans) to love our city: the bike-by shooting.
· The Biel Spiel is unquestionably the best fake Jessica Biel blog out there.
· Can someone whip up one of these deals for L.A. before the summer's over? We could really use some exercise.

Last week, in a frenzy of streamlining, we killed the morning gossip roundup. Well, we were crazy! Now back by popular demand!

Lindsay Ratowsky — the former assistant to Lindsay Lohan, outed as the "LR" that Lohan rails against in her crazy rage-mail — has her own darkly criminal past. Ratowsky may be temporarily protected by her status as new assistant to Jessica Biel, but if Biel really is sorta "dating" NY Yankee Derek Jeter, Ratowsky could find herself drawn dangerously close to Lohan's home turf. (Incidentally, we personally spotted Derek Jeter sunning his golden physique on a Dominican Republic beach this past weekend, and he was complaining about some non-Biel chick he was trying to bone.) Anyway! Goldenfiddle runs a reader mail detailing Ratowsky's extremely amateurish attempt to steal a boutique necklace while masquerading as Lohan's assistant, even though she had already parted ways with the other Lindsay. Expect her to try and lift Jeter's 2000 World Series ring if not carefully monitored.

Nicole Kidman to joins the cast of The Golden Compass, the first installment of the His Dark Materials trilogy, as the "villainous and glamorous Mrs. Coulter." There is no mention of Mel Gibson's recent anti-Semitic remarks in this totally unrelated story. [Variety]
Bryan Singer signs a seven-figure TV deal with ABC to develop three scripts, one of which is guaranteed to go to pilot. Again, there is no Mel Gibson angle to this story that we can discern. [THR]
Paramount Pictures buys the comedy pitch The Donor from Jon Stewart's Busboy Productions as a starring vehicle for the Daily Show's Rob Corddry. The logline is being kept top secret, but go ahead and assume it has something to do with a guy who embarks on a hilarious quest to sells his internal organs on the black market. [Variety]
Jessica Biel joins Adam Sandler and Kevin James in their "two straight schlubs get gay married for health benefits" comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. If you guessed she'll be playing the hot chick who eventually falls for Adam Sandler, consider an exciting career as a casting agent. [THR]