In most American cities, a man has the right to walk down the street, reach down the nearest sewer, and devour whatever fish me might find therein without being scolded by some government bureaucrat. Unfortunately, that’s no longer true in Newark, New Jersey, where health officials are now claiming sewer fish consumption is “dangerous.”

Atlantic City casinos are going bankrupt left and right, largely due to a major oversupply of casinos on the east coast and nationwide. New Jersey’s proposed solution? Build more casinos.

A cop in Jersey City, N.J. was shot while still in his police vehicle early Sunday morning as he responded to a robbery call at a local Walgreens. Jersey City Mayor Steven Fulop released a statement this morning that confirmed the death of officer Melvin Santiago.

A school employee from New Jersey promised students that Lady Gaga would give the kids a talk about bullying via the internet. So she did what any reasonable person with absolutely no access to Lady Gaga would do after making a promise she could not keep: She hired a Lady Gaga impersonator!

What factors does New Jersey consider before proposing legislation? Is it the economy, the health and wellness of their citizens, or the desire for law and order? No, it's how much Snooki gets paid.

Snooki planned on dropping in a glass ball in Times Square on New Year's Eve like a 'friggen hamster.' Unfortunately it looks like she's been banned from Times Square, the potential site of the MTV-backed stunt. Save your ball jokes.

New Jersey owes the federal government $271 million (by Christmas Eve!) for killing the Hudson River rail tunnel.

We're not used to politicians having such a sharp sense of humor. And he's kind of not kidding when defending his state. Being the governor, that's the stance you've got to take.

If you want to know what type of show VH1's My Big Friggin' Wedding (which shortens to Friggin' - their choice) is, get acquainted with this clip. Jersey Shore-esque? Yes. A tad more mature, but not by a long shot.

Last week, the Daily Show mocked the town of Bayonne, New Jersey, in a spoof of Sarah Palin's Alaska. Jason Jones' Bayonne featured Daily Show correspondent Jason Jones taking in the city's Russian hookers and industrial wasteland. Bayonne is pissed.

Because he yells at unions a lot, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is considered a leading presidential candidate for the next 5-6 elections. So what does this jolly galoot think about, say, climate change? He loves all of the arguments!

When one girl sits down for a Jerseylicious makeover it's purple eyeshadow, teasing, and make-up artist drama for the win. One Crushable blogger sits down at New Jersey's newly famous Gatsby Salon to get her Jerseylicious look on.

New Jersey Guidos now in full control of New York politics.

A third NYPD officer has been arrested for his role in last month's heist of a New Jersey perfume factory. Or, as we prefer to call it, "The Worst Fucking Heist Ever." Don't rogue cops even watch movies?

Tom was just like you: an ordinary schmoe from Jersey, with a kid and a job in banking and a pronounced inability to attract celebrities into his general vicinity. Until one day when he met Barack Obama, became magnetized, and proceeded to attract celebrities, in much the same way a magnet attracts metal. Moments ago, Tom sent out this lengthy press release, informing the world of his strange and wondrous saga of celebrity attraction. We want you to read it all. It is just that important.

Last night on Colbert's "the craziest f**king thing I've ever heard," was a creature found in New Jersey that attaches itself to an animal's tongue and feeds off it. We're pretty sure it's called a Snooki.

If you're waiting anxiously for the Tucker Max movie release, you can look forward to this too: Jersey gossip Chaunce Hayden (pictured) has written a movie about stripper palace Scores. He sent us a summary!

Hahaha. Some New Jersey girls are pissed because they were caught on camera with douchebag Jersey guys! Three "Hot Chicks" are suing the author and publisher of the fine educational volume Hot Chicks With Douchebags, because they were pictured therein. It's destroyed their reputations, down there in Jersey! Because they were depicted as "females who date dubious men." Outrageous! Here are the actual plaintiffs in question:

Staten Island-all of it!-is threatening to boycott Belmar, NJ because the mayor there made derogatory remarks about "guidos," the overtanned, hair-gelled, well-muscled gentlemen who I say are just fine, so that I don't get jumped next time I go to the gym. "The mayor should watch his f- - -ing mouth!" one Staten Island resident told the Post. Ha, right you are, my friend! Do you care to read the entire press release about this grievous insult from Staten Island Good Neighborhood Association president John "JE" Englebert, for some reason? Then click through and do so! [UPDATE: And a sample of the mayor's original gentle insults!]: