News comes in today that James Van Der Beek, former Dawson's Creek star and beautiful weep-god from teary heaven, has taken a role on a new sitcom pilot, Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 (soon to be retitled The Girl Next Door or something equally tame, I'm sure). And it's not just any part; he'll be playing the dynamic role of... himself!

Miley Cyrus stays calm in the wake of her bong-ripping scandal. Jennifer Grey has yet to recover from the pain of dancing with Bristol Palin. Kim Kardashian's new lover crosses a threshold: First photo op. Monday gossip soldiers on.

Well, some good news. Michael Douglas is returning to work — on a Liberace biopic no less — after undergoing treatment for throat cancer. So that's good! Unfortunately some fellow celebrities aren't faring so well.

E! sent their latest correspondent Tenley Molzahn [of Bachelor fame] to chat up DWTS stars Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough during a rehearsal. Grey seems more than a bit smitten with Hough, comparing his style to Patrick Swayze's "animalistic attack."

We already know who's going to be hoofing on ABC's Dancing with the Stars, but just how big of a payday is waiting for the likes of Bristol Palin and The Situation? It's less than you think.

Dancing With the Stars, ABC's reality competition about alleged celebrities, who dance, has announced the cast for its 11th season, which premieres in late September. But who are these "stars"? And what, exactly, are they "famous" for?

ABC unveiled the new cast of "stars" for DWTS tonight, and it was about as ridiculous as you might imagine. We already knew that the Situation and Bristol Palin were signed on; who else is Hollywood regurgitating this year?

Michael Jackson saw rivalry in Madonna's eyes, Kelly Rutherford's husband won't be coming near her, and Jude Law's not the best father. All that and more in your Friday morning Gossip Roundup!

Stephanie Pratt's wallet could use a little help. Elton John's too old for kids. And Colin Farrell knocked up his girl. That and much, much more in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup!

John Hughes has already gotten a film deal for some young filmmakers, so maybe some added attention can sell the famous contemporary abode from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which has been on the market since May.

Fashion Week queen bee Fern Mallis turns 61 today. The legendary Diana Ross turns 65. Nancy Pelosi is 69. Keira Knightley is celebrating her 24th. Steven Tyler is 61. Curtis Sliwa turns 55. Michael Imperioli is 43. Journalist Bob Woodward turns 66. Author Erica Jong is 67. Martin Short is 59. James Caan is turning 69. Amy Smart is 33. Jennifer Grey is 49. Leeza Gibbons turns 52. Kenny Chesney is turning 41. NBC's Chris Hansen turns 50. Hedge fund manager William von Mueffling is 41. And Elaine Chao, the former Labor Secretary and current sister-in-law of Bruce Wasserstein, is 56 today.

Dalton was in the news last week when it was revealed that not a single graduating senior had landed a spot at Harvard. According to Page Six magazine, at Dalton's graduation ceremony last month, "one mom was heard muttering, 'I won't send my grandchildren here, that's for sure.'" Fret not, Dalton parents! A long list of notable people have walked the halls of the posh school, even a few people (like Arden Wohl, left) who don't seem to be famous for any other reason than for wearing unusual headgear and attending lots of parties. A list of other Dalton grads after the jump.