Jeffrey Epstein: billionaire financer. Lover of erotic massages from teen girls. Inmate. But there's one less thing he has to worry about: a sexual assuault suit filed against him by transgendered model-wannabe Maximilia Cordero. The suit, filed seven years after the incident took place, has been dismissed. Cordero "claimed insanity to explain why she had engaged in sexual acts with Mr. Epstein following the alleged assault," which makes perfect sense, judging by the photo on the left. But! The lawsuit was thrown out on the basis that she was "not insane as she had claimed." Maybe just a little insane, then: her Myspace page once read, "Oh and I'm a junk head (pills , designer substances and my fav disel) What girl in this indistry [sic] isn't :)Just being honest:)" [Observer]

The sexual assault lawsuit filed late last year by 24-year-old transgendered aspiring model Maximilia Cordero against financier (and imprisoned massage aficionado) Jeffrey Epstein was dismissed by a judge this morning. Treat yourself to an extra candy bar at the commissary today, Jeff! [NYO]

Weird "billionaire" "financier" Jeffrey Epstein is in jail right now, for soliciting prostitution. The guy loved sexy massages from underaged girls, and so his jet-set lifestyle is now a bit less jet-setty. No more private planes and hanging out with Kevin Spacey. But prison's not so terrible! The Smoking Gun reports: "During his first three months in jail, the 55-year-old massage enthusiast has spent about $1250 on a wide variety of snacks (moon pies, BBQ chips, cheddar cheese squeezers) and skin care products (Lubriderm, hand lotion, and petroleum jelly)." Attached: one of his commissary receipts! Epstein seems to be buying a lot of extra things, presumably for use as barter. Because of the stock market, you know. And because of prison. [TSG]

Financier Jeffrey Epstein has spent the last three months sitting in a jail cell in Palm Beach, serving out an 18-month sentence for hiring underage girls to perform "erotic massages." But he isn't lacking creature comforts! The Smoking Gun was thoughtful enough to file a Freedom of Information Request to secure his commissary receipts, which means you now can review every single thing Jeff has purchased since he checked into the big house. It's a 12-page list and includes tasty delights like Lil' Chub Sausage, Ms. Vickie's Salt & Vinegar potato chips, O'Brien's Hickory Smoked Beef, Teriyaki Meat Sticks, and Instant Spanish Rice.

• Jennifer Lopez competed in a triathalon in Malibu, then flew to New York to throw Marc Anthony a birthday party at the Bowery Hotel. It's unclear, though, if she ever had an injured foot, which was the reason she gave for pulling out of the Project Runway finale last week and now some are wondering if a fight with Harvey Weinstein over a movie role was the real reason she cancelled. [People, NYDN, MSNBC]

• Lindsay Lohan called Sarah Palin a "narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe" on Lohan's MySpace page, citing a conference her church on "converting" gays. "She can suck it." [MySpace, Daily News]

Very little has ever been revealed about the business dealings of Jeffrey Epstein, the shadowy money manager who will be spending the next 16 months or so in a Palm Beach jail cell after pleading to soliciting an underage prostitute in late June. Long described as "mysterious" and "reclusive," the only client of his who has been confirmed over the years has been Leslie "Les" Wexner, the billionaire founder of Limited Brands. Epstein once boasted to a reporter that he wouldn't even consider taking on a client who didn't have a billion dollars or more in the bank. You can now add a new billionaire to the list of Epstein associates: Leon Black, the co-founder of Apollo Management. Black recruited Epstein to serve on the board of his charitable organization, the Leon D. Black Foundation. Listed on the non-profit's IRS returns alongside Leon and his wife, Debra: Epstein's name and the address of the waterfront home where Epstein was accused of carrying out his sexual misdeeds with minors. More on this jaw-dropping revelation below.

• John Mayer dumped Jennifer Aniston after the actress pushed him for "a timetable" and to promise not to tour so much when they eventually make babies together. (Sounds clingy.) There was a trial split first. Aniston was said "furious" initially but now is pretending that she's "already dating someone else in LA."

Remember Jeffrey Epstein, the financier who was sent to jail for paying teenage girls to give him dirty massages? Well, he hasn't been totally bored since he took up residence at the Palm Beach County stockade in late June. In addition to emailing models in Manhattan, he's received visits from two twentysomething girls, including Sarah Kellen, his personal assistant who the police say was in charge of rounding up masseuses for Epstein as well as preparing his massage table and "oils." The other visitor? Nadia Marcinkova, "whose family in Yugoslavia Epstein paid money to so that he could bring her to the United States to be his 'sex slave,' two teenage girls told police." In fact, visiting Epstein has been something of a part-time job for Marcinkova: She visited him four times in 13 days during the month of July.

• New revelations from the legal battle between The Weinstein Co. and NBC over Project Runway: It turns out that Tim Gunn didn't get paid a dime for his participation during the show's first season (he got paid just $2,500 per episode for the second), Harvey Weinstein hates Bravo chief Lauren Zalaznick, and Bravo didn't send Heidi Klum a respectable thank-you gift, even after the show became a major hit. [R&M]

"Three young women suing billionaire Jeffrey Epstein for sex abuse at his Palm Beach mansion want a federal judge to quash the plea deal he made with the state of Florida to serve 18 months in jail in exchange for admitting he solicited a 14-year-old hooker." [Post, Previously]

Jeffrey Epstein, the financier who this week begins a jail term for soliciting prostitution, is an enigma. The standard question: how could the 55-year-old have been so obsessed by the teenaged girls who gave him erotic massages that he'd jeopardize the lifestyle of a billionaire and the status that attached to friendships with former president Bill Clinton and others? (Answer: entitled men do stupid things.) But more intriguing is the origin of his seeming wealth.

Looks like you won't see former Radar (v. 2.0) investor and theoretical billionaire Jeffrey Epstein at Peggy Siegal's next party. The financier who surely doesn't have much time to finance what with all the massages and alleged raping he's doing is behind bars in Florida. He pleaded guilty to hiring underaged girls for sex and he'll spend 18 months in a Palm Beach jail (followed by a year under house arrest). The plea deal means the federal investigation against Epstein will be dropped, but now he is officially a registered sex offender. So now he'll only be allowed to expose himself to women procured by his assistant who merely look 14. [TSG]

Remember Jeffrey Epstein, the "billionaire" financier and Bill Clinton pal who was busted in 2006 for his sexual relationships with underage girls? Two bits of news about the secretive mogul came to light today. First off, it turns out he was an investor in the ill-fated and scandal-plagued Bear Stearns hedge fund managed by Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin. It seems poor Jeff lost a bundle when the fund imploded last summer—some $57 million. Even worse, though, is that today marks the day when he is expected to turn himself in to the police in Palm Beach and immediately begin serving an 18-month sentence for soliciting an underage prostitute. (Where, we're guessing, he won't be able to waltz around in a "JEE" monogrammed fleece as he is on the left.) As awful as that all is, we can't help but think about what a crappy month it's been for Epstein's former pal, Ron Burkle. He now has multiple (former) friends behind bars. And there are a bunch of other people who probably regret ever hooking up with the supermarket billionaire.

Audio emerged tonight of former President Bill Clinton calling Vanity Fair writer Todd Purdum a "sleazy... dishonest... slimy... scumbag." Former Times reporter Purdum, of course, is the guy who wrote the just-released article about how Clinton is running around the world on private jets, including one called "Air Fuck One," with billionaire scuzzballs like Ron Burkle, Steve Bing and Jeffrey Epstein. Clinton told a Huffington Post reporter Purdum was awful, and that the Vanity Fair piece has "five or six blatant lies," but then added he had never read it. But that didn't stop him from continuing to trash it, nor did the fact that Purdum is married to Clinton's former press secretary Dee Dee Myers. Audio after the jump, along with a text summary.

As we learned in Vanity Fair yesterday, Bill Clinton has spent his post-presidential life gallivanting about the world with a small cadre of scummy billionaires. All aging boomers, all sadly unwilling to mature, all addicted to sex with women a third their age. Who are they? What do they want from us? (Hint: if you are a girl aged 14-22, they want to have sex with you.) Let's meet the whole crew! They are just like Entourage except gross old billionaires.

Billionaire sex-perv Jeffrey Epstein enjoys sex with underage girls, that much we know. But before we all knew this, he was a very popular financier with many important and famous friends. He went to a lot of parties! He flew Bill Clinton, Kevin Spacey, and Chris Tucker to Africa for some reason! We can only imagine what the on-flight entertainment was. Now he's apparently getting ready to plea guilty to all sorts of things involving prostitution, and some ladies are suing him for making them his sex slaves when they were underage, so he doesn't quite go out on the town that much. Except sometimes he does! And, to answer our own question, it's because uber-publicist Peggy Siegal is still happy to stand by her 14-year-old raping friend Jeffrey.

The first civil suit against alleged former Radar investor and theoretical billionaire Jeffrey Epstein is underway! An anonymous 14-year-old girl is suing Epstein for $50 million for various terrible, terrible things. Epstein, you see, (allegedly!) enjoys the company of destitute young teenagers. According to Jane Doe, an Epstein associate would offer the girls $200 to $300 for performing a simple massage on a creepy billionaire. When they arrived in his bedroom, Epstein would "remove his towel, lay down naked on the massage table, and direct the girl to remove her clothes. He then would perform one or more lewd, lascivious and sexual acts, including masturbation and touching the girl's vagina with a vibrator." Then he would pay them. Don't worry, Epstein fans: Page Six has been on top of this story since well before day one and they already peremptorily attacked the credibility of any girl anywhere who might eventually come forward with similar stories. [Radar]

Well, I've read Phil Weiss's New York mag story on sex-perv maybe-millionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein twice now, but I just keep coming back to this early paragraph, from when Phil's sitting in publicist Howard Rubenstein's office with Epstein: "When I said we were interested in the agony of his ordeal, Rubenstein wrote out the word agony in capital letters on his pad. But agony seemed the last thing on Epstein's soul. 'It's the Icarus story, someone who flies too close to the sun,' I said. 'Did Icarus like massages?' Epstein asked." Which says, it seems, that Epstein's life is a disaster because he's tone-deaf and without a clue. And something about Howard, too. [NY]

William Unroch, nutty lawyer of alleged Jeffrey Epstein rape victim Maximilia Cordero, insists his client (accused by the New York Post of closet transsexualism) was born a woman. And today he emails New York's Daily Intelligencer to offer a HOT NUDE SETTLEMENT CONFERENCE.