There are several issues with what Jeb says in the above video.

“Jeb Bush is my son,” Barbara Bush seems to acknowledge in a 35-second commercial released Friday—and just in time for Jeb’s birthday!

GOP candidates definitely know that “Malala” is the name of a prominent person that exists. This much we know. GOP candidates do not, however, seem to have any idea who Malala Yousafzai is—or in Jeb Bush’s case, that she is not, in fact, Barack Obama’s daughter.

During an interview on Morning Joe today, flailing Republican presidential candidate and self-professed tall boy Jeb Bush made yet another rude comment about his rival, Sen. Marco Rubio. When asked if he owns any high-heeled boots like the senator, he responded, “I don’t have a height issue.”

Jeb Bush’s super PAC, Right to Rise, has outspent every single one of its competitors with nearly $50 million going to ads—a fact that’s particularly depressing when you consider the ad you see above.

Jeb Bush, whose handlers should be fired for failing to heroically leap in front of the photographer before this stunningly Shining-like photo above was snapped on Tuesday, has shifted his campaign into movie villain mode. His new welfare plan calls for the total elimination of SNAP, the federal food stamps program.

Jeb Bush—a man whose campaign has, one imagines, not followed the trajectory he hoped it might—has a new talking point: his daughter, Noelle, and her struggles with drug addiction, a subject he once explicitly requested the media not report on.

In response to earlier coverage of Jeb Bush giving a turtle figurine to a child, Bush campaign communications director Tim Miller writes to Gawker:

“My bad” is as good an excuse as any, right?

Earlier this week, the New York Times reported, with studied skepticism, that “it is at least possible that Jeb Bush is funny.” In Lexington, South Carolina, tonight, the struggling scion gave Senator Katrina Shealy a “funny” nickname. Can you guess what it was?

It hasn’t been an easy year to be Jeb Bush. He peaked in July, lost his groove, recovered his groove, realized he’d borrowed his new groove from a child predator, quietly phased it out again, and pet a stuffed moose. Fortunately, social media was there to chronicle every godforsaken gloomy minute.

“Mr. Worldwide” has always been in search of a Mrs. Worldwide, a special someone with whom to share his enormous wealth and love of Miami. Perhaps a fellow Floridian would do the trick! Enter Jeb Bush, formerly of the moniker Jeb!, a man who may just be the future Mrs. Worldwide—or at least Mr. Worldwide, Jr.

With a new year comes new beginnings, and so it will be for theoretical presidential candidate Jeb Bush, who is now just a mere Jeb, and no longer, ahem, Jeb!

Jeb Bush has responded to our claim that he wore the same sweater four days in a row, saying “It wasn’t four consecutive days I was in Miami on Sunday.Notice on Tuesday evening I wore another Sweater. And also notice that Isis has not been defeated.”

Jeb Bush has been making the rounds in New Hampshire this week, which is perfectly normal behavior for a man running for president. But the many tweets coming from Jeb’s camp this week have included more than just photos of Jeb’s stilted handshakes—they’ve also raised questions. Specifically: Why has Jeb Bush been wearing the exact same sweater for the past four days?

Jeb! Bush, lover of all things tech and all things cool, really does not love jerks. In fact, he hates them so much that, as of this writing, he has officially begun the War on Jerks™.

The holiday season is a time to take a break from life’s dreary annoyances, so you can spend it with the people that you actually love and enjoy. Which is to say, the holiday season is not a time for Jeb. Jeb knows this. And he’s willing to leave you alone, too—for one low, easy payment of $25.

When you’re inundated with the ravings of an orange lunatic who is also a popular candidate to become the leader of your country, it almost seems like anything would be better than him.