Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.

But the bar with Madison Square Garden, and they were just another bunch of awkward celebrity seat mates at an NBA game. NYDN notes that Beyonce's nails are blue, "presumably in a nod to her baby daughter back home."

Beyonce and Jay-Z posted the first pictures of baby Blue Ivy Carter to their personal tumblr, helloblueivy. The photos, the tumblr's single post, are accompanied by a hand-written note that reads:

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their daughter Blue Ivy? Possibly because they are exceedingly wealthy celebrities for whom the act of procreation is chiefly an exercise in branding... or because "Blue Ivy" is a secret code revealing her membership in an ancient and all-powerful occult secret society. Which could it be??

As the world sat glued to their media display devices awaiting the latest Beyoncé BabyWatch developments, one man — a 48-year-old resident of Ohio — whiled away the holiday weekend in a state of blissful Beyoncé ignorance. Not only was he unaware that a Lil-Z might shimmy out from between her million-dollar legs at any given moment, he had no clue that Beyoncé and Jay-Z were even married. We know, we know — shocking. Still, it doesn't seem quite bad enough to earn him a stabbing.

Or she might not be. All day, rumors have been swirling that Beyonce had reserved half of St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital's "luxury labor and delivery floor," and would be giving birth sometime on Wednesday.

Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.

Jay-Z's Man of the Year profile in the latest GQ extols the rapper's appreciation for art. Still, he probably won't want to add sculptor Daniel Edwards' latest work to his collection. As a response to Hova's recent Occupy Wall Street Rocawear T-shirt debacle, Edwards has created this rendering of Jay-Z with a big dollar-sign medallion around his neck and the heads of Mr. Burns, Scrooge McDuck, and Richie Rich stacked on top of him.

Jay-Z confirms your suspicions about Kanye West. Brad Pitt wants to quit acting in "three years." Demi Lovato goes to a wedding and catches the bouquet. Lindsay Lohan returns to the nightlife scene. Monday gossip gets upstaged.

If you've been hoping to buy a Rocawear "Occupy All Streets" t-shirt so that label founder Jay-Z could finally afford a durable blue tarp of his own, you're out of luck: The shirts are no longer for sale on Rocawear.com.

He's got 99 problems, and now "the 99%" might be another one. Rapper Jay-Z is plastering Occupy Wall Street's message onto a new line of T-shirts, to be released Friday under his Rocawear clothing label.

Blake and Ryan do nothing but stay home and walk their dogs. Kelly Rowland says Beyonce is having a girl. Jamie Lynn Spears makes her country singer-songwriter debut. And can you guess who Lindsay Lohan's Playboy pictorial is "inspired" by? Tuesday gossip wears a Slanket and eats soup.

Hip hop culture is a very deserving field of study. Rap lyrics are some of the most powerful popular poetry of the past three decades. Studying rap music in a classroom is kind of a drag compared to studying rap music, say, in a car full of weed smoke, but hey, it's not the worst thing you could do in a classroom.

Demi and Ashton go camping and yell at a photographer. After occupying Wall Street, Kanye West went shopping. Jessica Simpson rubs her possibly-pregnant belly. Paz de la Huerta considers herself "one of the rare artists that are left." Tuesday gossip atones.

Jason Biggs' real life is actually sort of like his American Pie life. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting some Kabbalah Kounseling. And poor Cyclops can't win. Saturday gossip is looking for its daughter, who may or may not be with a goat.

Ashton and Demi face divorce and cheating rumors, while their "other woman" prepares for a payday. Jessica Simpson takes 10 pregnancy tests and considers postponing her wedding. Holly Madison insures her boobs for $1 million. Thursday gossip surveys the wreckage.

Brad Pitt laments the years he spent sitting around getting high with Jen. Lindsay Lohan throws a drink at a photographer. A tween star dresses his penis up like an elephant. Anna Faris: "I hope somebody roofies me tonight!" TGIFriday gossip.

Amy Winehouse might have died while trying to get her life in order. Arnold and Maria have an awkward run-in. Miley Cyrus is just "explor[ing] sexuality," and Justin Bieber wants to settle down. Saturday gossip would probably eat bananas dipped in ketchup.

Ralph Lauren's son and George W. Bush's niece get married. Jane Fonda regrets not sleeping with Che Guevara. Beyonce and Charlie Sheen celebrate their birthdays. Monday gossip found a $20,000 watch—maybe it'll get to meet Chris Brown?

The day after Russell Armstrong's suicide, his business associate also committed suicide. Matthew Fox's vagina-punch victim presses charges. Lady Gaga wears a prosthetic penis. Justin Bieber gets in a fender bender. Wednesday gossip is tawdry.