If you had to advertise some sort of chocolate candy, what would you do? If you're in Japan, you'd put your head—and the heads of your friends—onto cartoon birds' bodies and have them walk in a circle... right?

[A vicious gang of Toy Store Kiddy Land Santa Claus Academy students march through Tokyo. Photo via AP.]

Whereas the American mob has steadily lost power for decades as all of its members pursued careers as Hollywood character actors, Japan's Yakuza is still totally involved in shit, hardcore. Will a government crackdown make the Yakuza go wild?

[Clouds over the Tokyo Tower on Monday evening. Photo via AP.]

Meet Geminoid-F, a lifelike robot "actress" currently appearing in a Tokyo production of the play Sayonara. Go ahead, make a Keanu Reeves joke! You won't be laughing when the robot murder army comes for your family. Which it will, eventually.

Japan isn't exactly known for being normal, we know this. But did you ever think you'd see a concert—attended by thousands of screaming fans—that starred an anime-like hologram? Whether you did or not, here it is. Watch inside.

Authorities are interviewing all passengers on a Delta flight to Japan after a knife was found under one of its seats. Last week, box cutter blades were found aboard a Delta flight from Japan to the U.S. Stop it, Japan.

Domino's Pizza Japan has a $31,000-an-hour one-hour job opening, no experience necessary. They won't say what it entails, but it's probably not a job coming up with wacky P.R. stunts, as that position seems to be filled.

Last year, news that Japanese company Koroko would start manufacturing ultra-realistic android fembots scintillated the world. This week, Koroko unveiled its first "Actroid-F" android, and let's just say that she—and her facial expressions—is insanely, creepily lifelike. Video inside.

Here's a commercial for Yakult, a Japanese (natch) probiotic yogurt drink. Yakult's motto is, "When you love your digestive system, it will love you back." Literally. You see, that cute little pink companion thingy? It's your digestive system! Watch inside.

As a once-powerful economy doomed by decade-long deflation, Japan is a vision of our own future. But as trend-adopters, Japanese men are years behind us. Still with the fey emo metrosexual thing, guys?

The Way We Live Now: Japanesely. Just as Michael Crichton predicted. America is a second-class faded empire, following in the footsteps of the Rising Sun. We let luxury drain us, embrace the culture of poverty, and prepare for the end.

A Japanese TV show attempts to frighten children by convincing them that zombies are overtaking their home. This backfires when the kids take charge and began hurling toys, setting up elaborate traps and wrapping the zombie's head in saran wrap.

After a six-hour grilling by immigration officials, Paris Hilton was denied entry into Japan today, where being a convicted cokehead is apparently frowned upon. She joins Wings-era Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones on Japan's list of druggie deportees.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that this video—of a potato peeling himself in some sort of self-sacrifice while other terrified vegetables look on and cry—comes from Japan. Because, honestly, where else would it come from?

After pleading guilty to cocaine possession yesterday, Paris Hilton took a private plane to Japan where the authorities detained her for six hours and grilled her about the drug allegations. If pink-and-girly Paris isn't welcome in Japan, who'll have her?

A trio of Japanese Lolitas crashed Tom Ford's fashion show by saying one of them was Japanese Vogue editor Mitsuko Watanabe. I mean, maybe if they said they were with Gwen Stefani—but confusing this with this?

[California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger peddles totally ripped California pistachio nuts during a vist to Tokyo today. Image via Getty]

Over 250,000 Japanese citizens aged 100 years or more are "missing," a nationwide inquiry finds.

Straight out of Japan, here's your WTF—and BAWWWWW ZOMG SO CUTE!—video of the day. Inside, watch a baby monkey get a literal piggyback ride on some sort of furry Sasquatch reindeer-like pig creature thingy. Yay, animal videos!