• Esquire's geeky guinea pig A.J. Jacobs wikis the shit out of himself and his publication. Book deal TK. [News.com]
• Does South Beach need its own Bret East Ellis? And will someone please step up to the plate besides Wenner Media's Gwen Cooper? [MNT]
• If the impossibly adorable Mandy Moore is, in fact, in Silver Hill for rehab, then we're throwing in the towel. We simply cannot save these people, no matter how hard we try. [Bricks and Stones]
• New York gets movie-script level edgy. [NYP]
• That bastion of high design, Fox News, is hiring a new graphic design guru. Live the dream, young conservative art fags. [Craigslist]
• High Times Stony Awards is, none too surprisingly, more entertaining, snack-filled than the Oscars. [The Reeler]
• Us Weekly editor Janice Min is after your kids. It was inevitable, really. [Radar]

• Confessions of a (granted, emergency-landing-surviving) media whore. [NYO]
• Bossman Denton cruises the Jersey Turnpike on a bathwater-powered scooter, apparently. Also, he has a large head. [NYO]
• Nonfamous writer Matt Haber's past was pillaged by adorable and now-famous writer Benjamin Kunkel, and Haber'll be damned if you don't know about it. [NYO]
• Dan Rather wants to revisit Bush National Guard story; CBS brass won't let him. We await Public Eye's take, presumably that spirited debate is a good thing. [NYP]
• A day in the life of Us editor Janice Min — in which no one cares about Britney's baby. [asap/AP]
• Geraldo won't sue Times, but his feelings are still hurt. [NYP]
• Washington Blade launches a "gay Romenesko" site. We always thought that was us. [E&P]
• Turns out, SCOTUS nominee Roberts might not hate the press as much as the Times thought. Which still doesn't mean he likes it. [NYT]
• Sly gets up off the mat. [WWD]

More proof that God is dead or, worse, never existed: Brat Pack actress Demi Moore and her adopted son, Punk'd puppy Ashton Kutcher, sealed the deal on Saturday night in Beverly Hills with an intimate, Kabbalah-tinged wedding held in a private home. Attendees at the last-minute ceremony included Moore's ex-husband Bruce Willis and their three daughters, plus notables such as Lucy Liu, Wilmer Valderrama, Soleil Moon Frye, George Gaynes, and Cherie Johnson.

• After backing out of a Wenner Media luncheon when she learned that big Jann Wenner wouldn't be attending, chemically-aided waif Nicole Richie was appeased by a private meeting in Jann's office and a ritual lunching with Us Weekly editor Janice Min. See, celebrity weeklies are nice: They're feeding our starlets! [Page Six]
• Victims of Hurricane Katrina have been receiving debit cards from the Red Cross in order to purchase the essentials during these rough times. For some, these essentials can be found at the Louis Vuitton store in Atlanta, where at least two of the cards have been used to purchase luxury goods. [Gatecrasher]
• Jude Law's maligned on-and-off fiancée Sienna Miller may or may not be pregnant with the actor's baby. No one really has a clue, but that's no reason to refrain from rampant speculation. [R&M]
• Frank Bruni turns his iPod up to Red Alert levels, as Tribeca's Bouley Bakery and Market is having staffing issues just days before the Times foodie is scheduled to visit. [Page Six]
• Lloyd Grove sides with Sean Penn's wife Robin Wright Penn, who wants us all to go fuck ourselves for mocking her hubby. [Lowdown]
• Cream puffs bid on the eBay auction of Matt Damon's half-eaten créme puff. [Scoop]

Just moments ago, Us Weekly high priestess Janice Min appeared on the Today show to discuss current fashion and fitness winners and losers. In her philosophical musings about the genetic supremacy of Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson, and Sienna Miller, Min noted, "Women around our office clip pictures of Sienna and hang them up for inspiration."

The Chicago Sun-Times' latest venture (click to enlarge).