Someone should write a novel about this past week in the life of rapper T.I. Just two days ago, he was celebrated for talking a suicidal man off a roof. Today, he was sent back to prison for 11 months.

Diane Passage on husband Ken Starr questioning her sex life: "I always tell him, none of your business… But if I did hook up with another guy I think it would be OK—he owes me, he's in jail."

A 23 year-old transgender woman was arrested on a parole violation, and (mistakenly?) placed with male prisoners in a Manhattan jail. There, she says, she was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a guard. Which is apparently standard and expected.

Faisal Shahzad has been sentenced to life in prison for his attempted car bombing in Times Square.

Rapper Lil' Wayne, who is expected to serve eight months of a one-year sentence for illegal gun possession, is now stuck in solitary confinement after guards found headphones and an iPod charger hidden in his jail cell on Rikers Island.

Before dawn yesterday, 85 inmates using ladders scaled the walls of a prison in Reynosa, Mexico along the border with Texas, allegedly with the help of guards. Most of the escapees are thought to be cartel gunmen. [Houston Chronicle]

Failed David Letterman extortionist and future Gawker intern (???) Joe Halderman is out of jail.

Have you ever wondered what it would look like if a drunken Otto from The Simpsons were arrested for assault? Well, wonder no longer. Watch as this California rock star performs his "best song" for some officers on Jail.

A Los Angeles County jail is pioneering a gigantic cannon that shoots invisible lasers that produce a "deep burning sensation" in humans. Here's a disturbing video of prison officials shooting each other with it and giggling with horrified glee.

Rapper/crazyman DMX was released from jail the other day. But he's been there before.

What better time to get married than when you're standing in front of a judge, handcuffed and in a jumpsuit, for a motions hearing on crack charges? That's what Franklin Barndt did on Friday when he married girlfriend Takesha Piazza.

Here's a scenario: You're wanted on two active assault warrants, and you've got 19 bags of weed in your pocket that you're looking to sell. Want some advice? Don't show up to a courthouse with either of these.

Under the terms of a new plea deal, actor Charlie Sheen will be sentenced to 30 days at the rehab facility where he's already stayed for a month. And he'll be credited time served. Actual "jail" time: Seconds. Meeeeen. [TMZ]

Lindsay Lohan is either "in good spirits" or "depressed" on day one of rehab. She may have had a "spiritual revelation." She is either thankful or indignant. She is sought-after. Meanwhile, her dad "sucks the life out of another blonde."

Rod Blagojevich probably never imagined that when he hired R. Kelly's former lawyer to close out his corruption trial that it would turn into a circus. Never! But Sam Adam Jr. made a scene, and said he'd go to jail.

Hollywood burglar Alexis Neiers shared a jail cell block with Lindsay Lohan, which is either great luck for limelight-addicted Alexis (more interviews) or terrible luck (all anyone wants to talk about is Lindsay). Here's what she has to say.

Lindsay Lohan's sentence has been reduced again: She'll get out two days earlier than expected.

Lindsay Lohan's dinner tonight: turkey casserole with noodles, coleslaw, apple sauce, wheat bread, and milk.

As we speak, Lindsay Lohan is settling into Lynwood's Century Regional Detention Center. (With a new, smirking mug shot to boot.) How many days will she actually serve? How much will her first post-jail interview fetch? Join our betting pool.

Private juvenile jails in Britain use a guide called Physical Control in Care for handling troublemakers: "Drive fingers into groin," or "alternate elbow strikes to the young person's ribs," or "drive straight fingers into the young person's face." Ouch. [Observer]