Ever want to walk a mile in Ivanka Trump's Shoes? Now you can, because Ivanka Trump is about to launch a footwear line, to (not) be called Ivanka by Ivanka Trump for the Trump Collection. Trump! [Getty]

Yesterday was Eric Trump's 26th birthday. And this is the cake that was presented to him at his birthday party last night. Seriously. Why does it feature a machine gun—a Soviet-made AK-47, no less—and what appears to be a bloody, dead bird? We have no idea. (But if Jared Kushner ever finds himself tempted to cheat on Eric's big sister, it should serve as a handy reminder why that may not be such a hot idea.) Another photo of the cake is below.

In a random publicity-stunt press release, a random online bookie ranks Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump as the celebrity couple most likely to get divorced, beating even Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. Prove this random internet oddsmaker wrong, Jared!

• You heard that Charlie Sheen was arrested on Christmas Day for threatening to kill his wife Brooke Mueller with a knife, right? Forget all about it, please. Really. According to Mueller, it was just "one bad night," she and Sheen really "love each other," and they're going to work out all their issues on their own, so she's asked a judge to drop the order of protection that she'd requested last week. Why the sudden turnaround? Rumor has it Sheen's willingness to renegotiate the couple's pre-nup may have encouraged Mueller to change her tune. [NYDN, NYP]
• Sorry, ladies: Rosie O'Donnell is officially off the market: The comedian has confirmed she's dating Tracy Kachtick-Anders, a Texas-based artist and "inventor." And it seems the couple met thanks to Rosie's blog, since Tracy is a regular commenter on the site. Cute! [People, Gawker]
• Susan Sarandon hasn't confirmed that she's dating Jonathan Bricklin, the three-decades-younger ping-pong aficionado who she was first linked to last week. But they were spotted sharing a late-night meal earlier this week. [P6]
• Right-wing blowhard (and longtime prescription drug user) Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a hospital yesterday after complaining of chest pains. [NYP]

• Robert "Joe" Halderman, David Letterman's alleged extortionist, may be close to taking a plea deal. Halderman has reportedly offered to accept a one-year prison sentence in exchange for pleading guilty, although his lawyer is denying it, and any deal probably won't be finalized until incoming Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. takes office in January. [NYP]
• Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller say they're heading to counseling following Friday's arrest of Sheen on domestic violence charges. (He allegedly threatened Mueller with a knife and told her he was going to kill her.) Sheen, who was released on bond on Christmas night, also says he plans to enroll in "anger management counseling," since he's hoping to keep the marriage together. Rest assured, though, that somewhere Denise Richards is screaming, "I told you so!" [TMZ, NYDN]
• Ivana Trump was booted off a flight from Palm Beach to New York over the weekend after she cursed out a group of rowdy kids on the plane and then lashed out at several flight attendants. [P6, MSNBC]

In your merry maudlin Monday media column: Changes on the NYO's political beat, Washington Post copy editors are a joke, a flack named Flack, and a reporter braves Wal-Mart, for journalism.

Among the celebrity weeklies' many scientific contributions, none is more entertaining than the "body language expert" who can divine deep interpersonal details from one single photograph. Let's apply this rigorous method to New York City's romantic royalty.

In the world of celebrities, socialites, and reality stars, relationships are more often "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" than "long-term." That's to be expected, of course. Think of all the temptations when countless other beautiful people are around! To size up the potential of a handful of newer and more high-profile couples on the New York City scene, we turned to Patti Wood, the "Babe Ruth of body language experts" who has evaluated unspoken signals for hundreds of media outlets over the years. Join us below as Wood breaks down which twosomes are destined for eternal bliss—and which are bound for a break-up.

Ivanka Trump recently had a fairy tale wedding. Now she'll help you have one, too! Ivanka's jewelry company has teamed up with her dad's chain of hotels to offer "The Quintessential New York Proposal." And it's quite a package. Purchase a ring from Ivanka's "Bridal Bar" ("prices starting at $800"!) and you'll receive a complimentary one-night stay at the Trump International Hotel & Tower or, if you prefer, Trump Soho, the as-yet unfinished monstrosity that the Trumps have erected in Soho. But that's not all there is to it:

Judging purely by outward appearances, you might guess that Learning Annex instructor Donald Trump is still some sort of "big wheel" in the casino business. But actually he is barely even in the business any more, because he's a loser.

Donald Trump and daughter Ivanka have given up on their bid to regain control of Trump Entertainment Resorts, the bankrupt company that controls the three crumbling Atlantic City casinos that bear the Trump name. In other not-so-encouraging news for the family, it's now considered "likely" that lenders will soon foreclose on Trump Soho, the epically troubled condo/hotel on Spring Street. Some good news? If you're feeling drowsy this afternoon, a visit to the Trump Soho website will wake you up and that's totally free of charge. [WSJ, Curbed]

Ivanka TrumpKushner is very upset about a profile of her and her new husband Jared that Crain's ran yesterday. Thanks for bringing that story to our attention, Ivanka! Also: The KushnerTrump brand is the future of the New York Observer.

[Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump pick up some essentials (are those diapers next to Ivanka?!) at K Mart in Union Square yesterday. Image via Bauer-Grifin]

Daniel Craig walking near Columbus Circle with girlfriend Satsuki Mitchell ... Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump walking downtown ... Iman crossing the street with her daughter in SoHo ... Michael J. Fox watching a New York Giants game ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos seated next to Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky at Lure on Saturday night ... Emily Blunt leaving her trailer on the set of The Adjustment Bureau in Midtown ... Mel Gibson walking with a friend in SoHo ... Adam Brody on the set of The Romantics on Long Island ... Sienna Miller walking her dog ... David Blaine hanging out in SoHo ... John McEnroe walking up Central Park West ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing a stroller downtown ... Mariah Carey filming her latest music video ... Taylor Swift heading to the SNL afterparty ... Katie Holmes going to dinner in Tribeca ... and Alex Rodriguez and Jay-Z leaving Nello's.

[Jared Kushner, in the stands with his wife Ivanka Trump, gets his bookie on the phone to try to put money on the Yankees half way through last night's final World Series game. Image via Getty]

• Nicole Kidman isn't as vanilla as she looks, apparently. She tells British GQ that she has experimented with "obsession" and "strange sexual fetish stuff," although it's unclear when all this happened. As for her marriage to Keith Urban? It's "a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous." [DM, P6]
• The first of Lindsay Lohan's dramatic calls to her dad Michael has been released, and luckily, it comes accompanied by on-screen subtitles although you may need to shower after. At one point, she tells her dad, "Mommy says that I'm worse than you are," and then, between sobs, manages to ramble on, "No one cares about me. They don't, by the way. It's about how they feel, not how I feel. It's not about me. It's never been about me." Sad. [Radar]
• In happier news, Jeremy Piven is feeling much better now that he's added soy milk to his list of food products he will no longer touch. (You may remember his little run-in with sushi last year.) Piven was chugging 12 cups of soy milk a day, but then he realized it contained estrogen and was responsible for giving him man-boobs. "It was a very confusing time," he says. [Us]

The good news for Ivanka Trump: She did remember to go out and vote today and displayed a surprising amount of courage and independence by breaking with her father and throwing her support behind underdog Bill Thompson. (Just kidding!) The bad news: She forgot to wear her giant wedding ring when she appeared on The View this morning. Elisabeth Hasselbeck wasn't happy about it. But really, how do you expect someone to fully concentrate when democracy is in action? Cut the lady some slack! [Twitter, People]

Since we couldn't get the real Jared Kushner/Ivanka Trump wedding photos we asked you to Photoshop some up for us. Now it's time to pick a winner. There's $150 on the line, and you get to vote!

She got married last weekend, but Ivanka Trump will be getting another big stack of presents today. It's her 28th birthday. Also celebrating: Simon Doonan, Barneys' inimitable creative director, is turning 57 today. Mega-agent Binky Urban is 63. Fashion photographer Mario Testino is 55. Gavin Rossdale is turning 42. NBC News' Andrea Mitchell is 64. Private equity bigwig Wes Edens is turning 48. Former Page Sixer Paula Froelich is 36. Henry Winkler turns 64. Actress Nia Long is turning 39. Kevin Pollak is turning 52. Harry Hamlin is 58. Cash Cab host Ben Bailey is turning 39. And Olympic gymnast Nastia Liukin is 20. A few weekend birthdays after the jump.

We might not have gotten their wedding photos (yet?), but we have the next best thing from this week's Kushner-Trump nuptial celebrations: the Craigslist M4M missed connections post. Someone at the reception yesterday got a little flirty with the bartender!