The websites of Israel's stock exchange and national airline were hit by hack attacks today after weekend threats from the pro-Palestinian hacker 0xOmar. It's the latest volley in the escalating hacker-on-hacker pissing-match currently drenching the Middle East in leaked credit card information.

It seems as though those rabble-rousing Israelis have another problem on their hands: women. Can't live with them, can't live without them, am I right, Jews? But seriously, ultra-Orthodox Jews have temporarily stepped away from their Illumnati/Media-controlling listservs in order to be more assertive about their stupid rules regarding women. For instance, a female professor recently had a difficult time accepting an award for a book she wrote:

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So we should all be proud that, according to a Foreign Policy investigation by Mark Perry, Israeli intelligence officers pretended to be CIA agents so they could recruit Pakistani religious fanatics to assassinate Iranians. How sweet.

Another Iranian nuclear scientist was killed today by a magnetic bomb attached to his car. Iran blames the U.S. and/or Israel, but couldn't this have just been an accident? Who hasn't had a magnetic bomb attached to the underside of their car at one time or another?

Nobody expected Israel to take lightly the leaking of thousands of its citizens' credit card details by a Saudi hacker. But now Israel says the 19-year-old hacker who lives with his parents is a dangerous terrorist. And we all know what Israel does to people it deems terrorists.

What drives a teenager to steal thousands of Israeli credit cards and slowly leak them to make a political point? We tried to figure out in a Skype chat with a 19-year-old Saudi hacker named 0xOmar.

To commemorate Hanukkah, a Jewish holiday honoring the forced circumcision of lapsed Jews 2,200 years ago by a religious zealot (among other things!), the Israeli Defense Forces issued a little pamphlet for the troops featuring a photograph of the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, Judaism's holiest site. One pesky problem: Just a few hundred yards from the Wall, and visible in the photograph, sits the Dome of the Rock, one of the holiest sites in Islam. Enter Photoshop!

If you give someone Ron Paul's book Liberty Defined for Christmas, hopefully that person specifically requested it? Because here we have some gal reading a line about Israel being an "apartheid state," and crying. Oh well, you tried. But it would be best to resume giving her the newest editions of The Best Bland Bathroom Reading for People Who've Never Left Their Bathrooms starting next year.

Mitt Romney plans on seducing a roomful of Jewish conservatives Wednesday at the Republican Jewish Coalition's

You know when you spend a whole Saturday afternoon watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model a highbrow HBO show and you feel like your ass got fatter from sitting on the couch for so long? Guess what. It actually did.

The Republican Jewish Coalition is hosting a forum for our merry band of Republican presidential candidates next week. The contenders are expected to flesh out a broad range of opinions about Israel, its future, and its relationship with the United States. Oh, except for Ron Paul, who was not invited. It seems his "extreme views"—like how he would stop giving Israel a few billion dollars each year to purchase weapons from the American defense industry—would be too controversial even within the context of a debate of ideas.

The conservative Israeli government is pretty convinced at this point that the greatest threat to the Diaspora is not necessarily from Iran so much as it is from lazy American Jews, who have no discipline and are always spreading around liberal nonsense like "maybe we should try to make nice with the Palestinians" and so on. It has now gone so far as to create ads showing what terrors will befall Israelis who raise their children in America: Specifically, that their kids will end up celebrating Christmas!

Harvard law professor and nebbishy Wikileaks attorney Alan Dershowitz is gunning for the Nobel Peace Prize this year. In an effort to really solve this whole pesky Israeli-Palestinian conflict thing, Dershowitz sent Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu a copy of the "Palestinian Chicken" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Earlier this year, New York times photographer Lynsey Addario was kidnapped in Libya while covering that nation's revolution. That sucks. Shortly after being freed, she was shut out at the National Magazine Awards. That sucks. And last month, she was strip searched by Israeli soldiers—while pregnant! Shitty year, all around!

What do presidents do when no one else can hear them? The same thing the rest of us do: complain about other people! Like on Monday, when President Obama and his French counterpart Nicolas Sarkozy were caught on microphone bitching about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

First Ashton Kutcher, then Leonardo DiCaprio, and now Bar Refaeli. The Israeli supermodel is helping to complete the tech industry's co-optation by pretty people now that she's taken a stake in an Israeli underwear e-tailer.

Haaretz is live blogging the exchange of the first group of 1,027 Palestinian prisoners for Gilad Shalit, the Israeli soldier held by Hamas militants for five years. He'll be the first captured Israeli soldier returned alive in 26 years.

Former New York City Mayor Ed Koch recently endorsed Republican Bob Turner in the special election for Anthony Weiner's old congressional seat, helping him pull off the upset against Democrat Dave Weprin. Koch, who supported Obama in 2008, wanted to punish the Democratic party over "President Obama's open hostility to the State of Israel." But that was all a few weeks ago! He's now changed his mind and endorsed Obama, after being invited to a fancy party.

Last year, when Israeli Ambassador Michael Oren announced his intention to speak at the University of California at Irvine, some members of the school's Muslim Students Union plotted to inform Oren of their feelings about some of Israel's policies. They used their voices to do so. This is illegal!

During his speech before the United Nations General Assembly on Wednesday, President Obama said the U.S. would oppose a Palestinian bid for UN membership—despite the fact he called for precisely that just a year ago—suggesting Palestine should resolve its conflict with Israel privately. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart expressed his feelings on the matter by comparing the UN to a housing co-op with Obama "that one hardass on the co-op board who always shoots people down."