Maybe we won't be getting any uncomfortable (yet spectacular) handsy moments out of E! red carpet titty inspector Isaac Mizrahi. It seems that Mizrahi has been placed behind a protective hedge (top photo above, chatting with Best Supporting actress nominee Amy Adams), making it more difficult for the designer to grab a handful; an uncomfotable lunge towards an unsuspecting bosom can now easily be sidestepped, and would likely send him toppling over the restraining bushes. But we can still use tricks of perspective to manufacture our own fun, as the second picture makes it look as if Mizrahi's outstretched claw is poised to rend Jennifer Jason Leigh's dress, producing some much-needed pre-show controversy.

Yesterday, Scarlett Johansson finally offered her thoughts on The Grope, the now-infamous moment when E! man-on-the-carpet Isaac Mizrahi hand-tested the jiggle of Johansson's spectacularly swaddled rack. Today, USA Today says that a mystified Mizrahi has shrugged off the controversy and is ready to mix it up for Oscar:

Perhaps emboldened by her knowledge that her absence at the Oscars will make a retaliatory bodice-ripping by handsy red-carpet instigator Isaac Mizrahi a difficult proposition, Scarlett Johansson has finally broken her silence on The Grope, that spectacularly uncomfortable moment at the Golden Globes during which America held its breath, looked at each other, then asked, "Hold on, he's gay, right? Oh, then that's hilarious!" before sighing with relief. Johansson tells the LAT:

E! may have promised Ryan Seacrest they would shitcan red carpet loose cannon Kathy Griffin as part of his deal, but their wily network execs made sure there was nothing in his contract that said they couldn't replace her with someone just as obnoxious hence the debut of fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi at the Golden Globes pre-show. While his arsenal of celebrity ambush material had nothing in it quite as classic as Griffin's "Little Dakota Fanning entered rehab today" quip, he still managed to win us over with his pubic hair-themed exchange with Eva Longoria, not to mention that round of grabby-hands involving Scarlett Johansson's rack. With the Oscars quickly approaching, Mizrahi recently went on record to let the world know that he has no plans of toning things down:

Despite our prayers that all Golden Globes coverage had ceased at the close of business yesterday, more HFPA-related fun was still trickling out from other outlets after we signed off yesterday. Over at The Envelope, Richard "Kudos Crasher" Rushfield filed his man-in-the-ballroom report, capped with this fascinating, claustrophobic exchange between handsy red carpet loose cannon Isaac Mizrahi and bite-sized DreamWorks mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg:

Last night's Golden Globes red carpet was so glutted with talentless microphone jockies that we were tempted to virtually slash the vocal cords of the Dean Cains, Ryan Seacrests, Maria Menounoses, and Debbie Matenopouli with the mute button and substitute our own imagined mindless banter with the celebrities who clearly couldn't be bothered to engage with them. But out of the inept phalanx of "Who are you wearing?" monkeys emerged a new red carpet star in E!'s Isaac Mizrahi, who used the disarming smokescreen of his designer-grade flamboyance to ask Eva Longoria to hold forth about the disposition of her pubic hair (she demurred, though allowed that she's spray-tanned all over), to grope both Teri Hatcher and Scarlett Johansson (above; Hatcher pretended to be scandalized), and generally inject some loopy inappropriateness into the proceedings well before Harrison Ford's first drink. (Well, his first drink at the venue. Outside of the limo. And not out of a flask.) Mizrahi is, quite frankly, nothing short of a hero, and the fingers he used to caress Johansson's ample bosom should be immediately removed and bronzed for posterity.

• Dave Eggers and Isaac Mizrahi: separated at birth? [Radar]
• If you're going to attempt to make your own Hot Toddy, you better do it right. The Webtender allows you to search a database and prevent any throat-burning fuck-ups. [Lifehacker]
• Gay "it boy" designer Zac Posen may not make clothes for fatties, but if you're a pregnant supermodel, he might be willing to help you out. [WWD]
• She may not be able to lure Lindsay Lohan onto her show, but Kelly Ripa can wheel and deal her way to the top of Manhattan's real estate pile. Homegirl's busy, yo. [Curbed]
• Dear Prudence: If my boyfriend's dad calls me a "bitch," does that mean I have to make him dinner and get his slippers, too? [Slate]
• Happy Something-or-Another to CNN, who celebrates its 1000th day in Iraq. Gosh, it seems like just yesterday that we first saw military light a reporter's face with that beautiful, fiery glow. [What's Happening at CNN]
• David Schwimmer is slated to star in the Broadway revival of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial. Sadly, there will be no monkey, no Rachel, and no interest. [Reuters]
• And, last but certainly not least, today marks the 25th anniversary of the murder of John Lennon. Commemorate in your own special way, be it listening to Imagine, cursing Yoko, or taking LSD. [CBS]

Choire Sicha speculates on what the celebrities in New York are doing right now: "Isaac Mizrahi is scooping Harry's shit off Fifth Avenue, using only a green plastic bag. Adam Yauch is eating day-old half-off vegan corn muffins from the Rastafarian Bakery on Lorimer Street. Jon Stewart is in Fort Lee, New Jersey, in a rent-by-the-hour Pink Pussycat motel with a 19-year-old Cuban-Korean transgender prostitute, and he is having the time of his life. Sandy Weill is shuffling on his marble-floored bathroom to a hot Missy Elliott remix. David Byrne is staring down a Norwegian subway accordian player, stealing music with his mind. Megan Mullally is having a lemon-ginger tea in her sunny-yellow kitchen nook, talking to a girlfriend about their first abortions and how much she didn't like Madonna."
Celebrity [Choire Sicha]