So American Idol's "Idol Gives Back" charity masturbathon aired last night. If you didn't watch it, it means you hate Africa. And children. Many, many important celebrities showed up to do their part. Bono traveled to Africa to speak with people affected by the AIDS pandemic and bloomed beautifully into twee little Irishman. Robin Williams continued to plunge comedy's toilet with his Oscar. Teri Hatcher warbled her way through that trashy Carrie Underwood song about cheatin'. Brad Pitt got touched by an adorable little stagehand. Oh, and millions and millions of dollars were raised for charities around the world. So I guess that's good!