A woman in Taiwan recently divorced her husband, citing irreconcilable differences. Namely, the difference between what she expected his penis size to be, and what it ultimately was.

Breaking up is hard to do. Yesterday it was leaked that Madonna would be leaving her long-time record label Warner Music, in favor of the younger, hotter Live Nation to the tune of a $120 million contract. And like all jilted lovers, Warner has responded by saying they're totally cool with it. In fact, they even went so far as to write a report titled For $120 Million, She's All Yours. (No, we're not kidding.) Variety has featured some choice excerpts of said report, and here they are now along with translations of all that PR speak into plain English: