China’s stock market, almost universally acknowledged to be one of the world’s foremost bubbles, dropped more than 7% today, which is enough to cause widespread speculation that the bubble is popping, but not enough to make Chinese stocks a good investment.

One Nobel Prize-winning economist’s calculations say the stock market is dangerously overvalued, and various Wall Street pundits disagree, but all that really matters is how soon gutter alarmist media like us can convince America’s least informed moron investors to panic. Then the fun starts.

People who buy stocks in alcohol, tobacco, gambling, or (new!) marijuana companies are said to be investing in “vice”—traditionally a good way to earn premium returns in exchange for being a morally bad human. Who are these successful bastard investors?

We were flabbergasted as well as flummoxed to learn recently that New York City’s pension funds have paid billions of dollars in fees to Wall Street money managers over the past decade. Is there, perhaps, a better way for public officials to manage your retirement money?

The war-torn coastal African nation of Somalia is not just "The most failed state on earth" and "The worst country on Earth" and "The world's worst hellhole"—it is also a great investment opportunity.

Consider public pensions. The money that firefighters and police and government workers will use in retirement. Two facts: 1) Wall Street is stealing this money, and 2) We are letting them, like fucking suckers.

After years of searching for the next financial bubble that will pop and leave little but empty wallets, broken dreams, and suicidal investors in its wake, it appears we have actually found it!

The financial markets have been on the rise for the past six years. That can only mean that doom is around the corner. What financial bubble is waiting to pop, and destroy us? Today: biotech stocks.

What do you think the most successful industry in America has been in the past 100 years? A hint: it's home to the most successful company of the past 50 years.

A church that gave its money to JPMorgan Chase to manage says that the bank robbed it blind. Here is a useful window into how legalized robbery on Wall Street works.

The American economy is booming, for the most part! That means that it is constantly a good time to worry about which part of the economy will collapse first. Today: shitty bonds?

Remember last week, when the price oil was plummeting, causing global shock waves? Yes well that is still happening, but more.

"Hedge funds are shutting at a rate not seen since the financial crisis, as many managers post disappointing returns and an elite group of firms dominate money raising," Bloomberg reports. "Hedge funds, on average, have returned just 2 percent in 2014."

If you pay an individual or a big company to invest your money for you, you should be aware of the fact that there is an extremely convincing case that you are foolishly throwing your money into the garbage can.

As we prepare for the holiday season in which we reflect upon the past year and make plans for the year to come, let us all begin to feel the creeping sense of fear that comes with the confident expert prediction: Recession 2015.

Public employees have public money in their pension funds to save for retirement. Those pension funds invest that public money in private equity firms. Those private equity firms then refuse to say how much they're charging, and why. Hmmm.

You will never retire, in part because America's existing pension system is crazy quilt of various empty bank accounts full of lies and IOUs. Does a better pension system actually exist? Yes, it does.

What do you get for the young man who's already got a safety net made of golden threads brocaded with itty bitty Mercedes-Benzes? His very own hedge fund, where he can play with millions of dollars like a real live bizness-man!

CALPERS is America's largest pension fund, with $300 billion in assets. It just announced that it is pulling all of its money out of hedge funds. Why? Because everyone knows that hedge funds are a ripoff.

If you're a typical gentrifier in an "up and coming" Brooklyn neighborhood, you've probably said to yourself, "I wish I could invest in property here while it's still cheap." Now you can, thanks to another god damn Wall Street goon with a great investment idea.