Yesterday was a big day for anarchists. During May Day protests they smashed windows in Seattle, got arrested in Cleveland for trying to blow up a bridge and arrested in New York for running around the Lower East Side. But that's just a normal Red Sox post-game celebration. Who does chaos best: Protesters or sports fans? Let's investigate.
Where is the G-spot? No one seems to know for sure, except for a gynecologist named Adam Ostrzenski, who examined a dead lady's vagina and found "grape-like clusters of erectile tissue" in a one-centimeter sac in between the fifth and the sixth layers of the dead lady's vaginal wall. This grape-like formation, Ostrzenski says, is the G-spot.
Today, Michelin spokesman Newt Gingrich berated the Manhattan elites who "ride the subway"; last month, he scolded them for "writing for fancy newspapers" and "rid[ing] the metro." But as non-members of the elite class, we had to ask ourselves: is it really true that elites ride the subway?
Last Friday, Murk Avenue's Donovan Strain changed the internet with a rigorously-researched theory: the "good day" of Ice Cube's 1993 classic "It Was a Good Day" took place on January 20, 1992. But did he get some facts wrong? Mike B. of Lahatiel enters the most important intellectual debate of the 21st century with a new hypothesis: Ice Cube's good day was November 30, 1988.
Is it too late to give a Pulitzer to Murk Avenue's Donovan Strain? Because if figuring out the exact day on which Ice Cube had a good day (as described in his 1993 classic "It Was a Good Day") isn't Pulitzer-worthy, I don't know what is.
Last week, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey introduced a bill that would ban "the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses." But which foods or products use aborted human fetuses? Let's investigate.
On Tuesday afternoon, on a hiking trail in Hollywood Hills, a pair of female dogwalkers stumbled across the severed head of a middle-aged man. Two of their dogs had been playing with a plastic bag, they told the LAPD. Inside was a human head.
Everyone knows that the authorities have reopened the case of actress Natalie Wood's 1981 drowning death, which is officially still classified as an accident. The police held a press conference in LA today and announced that her husband, Robert Wagner, is not a suspect.
Apparently so: Ex-Scientologist Marty Rathbun has posted on his website the contents of a Scientology-penned document discussing an investigation into the private lives of South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker conducted back in 2006—not long after the controversial Scientology-mocking SP episode "Trapped in the Closet" appeared on the teevee. The Scientological spy memo—brought to our attention by the Village Voice—is just "one of a trove" of docs that Rathbun plans to reveal about the investigation, which involved rooting through Stone and Parker's garbage (scary), using public records to turn up info on John "America's Uncle" Stamos and other friends (creepy), and deploying Tom Cruise to break into their homes, jump up and down on their couches, and shake loose all of the deep, dark secrets stuck between the cushions (terrifying). [Village Voice, Marty Rathbun's Website. Image via AP]
Kardashian cast mate Scott Disick is the biggest dick on television. But is his dick big, too? During an interview with xoJane.com, Kourtney referred to her baby daddy's penis as "like an elephant's trunk." Kim and Khloe immediately jumped in with their own lurid descriptions of their sister's partner's phallus. Just normal sister stuff, you know?
When pictures of Scarlett Johansson showing off her boobs and well-shaped derriere appeared on the internet today, we all knew they had to come from someplace. Well, it seems like either her phone or computer was hacked. Now the FBI is involved.
French politician Aurelie Filippetti reportedly told police that she never visited supposed sex-binger Dominique Strauss-Kahn at his Parisian apartment because people warned her that the ex-IMF chief maybe attacked women there. Did she actually call DSK's place a "sex den," though?
Republican media strategist Roger Ailes launched Fox News Channel in 1996, ostensibly as a "fair and balanced" counterpoint to what he regarded as the liberal establishment media. But according to a remarkable document buried deep within the Richard Nixon Presidential Library, the intellectual forerunner for Fox News was a nakedly partisan 1970 plot by Ailes and other Nixon aides to circumvent the "prejudices of network news" and deliver "pro-administration" stories to heartland television viewers.
Last week, Jill Abramson became the first female ever to hold the top editor's job at the New York Times. She'll now be responsible for leading America's most important journalistic institution through a perilous and unsure time of media industry upheaval. So we must ask: what up with her accent?
This morning we heard that "psycho loose cannon" actor Alex Pettyfer has "Thank You" tattooed above his penis, "in case I forget to say it." Now V Man, the magazine that quoted Pettyfer on that, has kindly provided photographic evidence of said crotch tattoo. Unfortunately, since the web versions of their photos are kind of small. I feel like I'm squinting at a too-small line of text at the opthamologist's office.
Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, we now have access to a thick FBI file detailing the agency's investigation into the 1997 shooting death of Christopher "Notorious B.I.G." Wallace. The case, which now falls under the jurisdiction of the LAPD, has famously run cold. But these documents, though heavily redacted, bring some interesting details to light—including ballistics evidence that further links evil former LAPD officer David Mack to the murder.
Roger Friedman is reporting that the Kabbalah Centre and Raising Malawi—a charity Madonna co-founded with Kabbalah guru Michael Berg—are under investigation by the IRS. According to Friedman, at least two people have been called before a grand jury to answer questions about both organizations.
The masters of legislative oversight who currently make up America's House Republican majority has another little beef to settle, this time with that most sinister of Washington special interests: The American Association of Retired Persons, a.k.a. the lobby for old people things. If only these geriatrics hadn't endorsed last year's health care reform law, maybe Republicans could've turned a blind eye to such corrupt practices as bribes that ensure Matlock reruns never disappear from daytime television programming. But they did endorse it, so House Republicans are planning hearings.
Rep. Darrell Issa, the retired car thief and current chair of the House's government oversight committee, has the power to investigate basically any corruption or wrongdoing or politically motivated witch hunt in the federal government. But now he'll have to handle an internal probe with his own spokesman, Kurt Bardella.
