Did you know Charlie Sheen is an inventor and holds a genuine U.S. patent? It's true. It's not a sex toy (although it sure looks like one). But if his $100 million lawsuit against Warner Bros. and Two and a Half Men producer Chuck Lorre doesn't work out, he can always fall back on the crazy business schemes he hatched in the 1990s. Here's a survey.

If you want to online date but are concerned about unusual likes and/or sexual habits, Microsoft has patented a service for you! The service helps people with "fringe interests and eccentricities" find mates without having to explain everything to the squares.

Scientists have developed an invisibility "cloak" using calcite crystal which can hide a paper clip-sized object. This is somehow different than this invisibility cloak. And this one. And this one. They probably keep losing them in the lab.

Anorexics, rejoice: With asthma inhalers and vaporizers, inventor David Edwards turns physical food into a cloud, which dieters inhale to "sate chocolate or caffeine cravings" with no more than a single calorie. This is straight out of a futuristic farce.

Inventor Thomas Casey shows off his design for an amusement park ride called the "Rings of Saturn." Try not to get queasy just by watching the miniature version of it spin.

The lunchtime clock slows down every day 20% at 11:00 and speeds up 20% at 11:48 until it rights itself at 1:00. This gives you an extra 12 minutes of lunchtime to enjoy. That's a full hour a week!

Today on The Doctors the doctors showed the world "a new invention" from a "South Korean food restaurant." It's a cup of soda with room to put chicken nuggets. The doctors think it's terrible, but it's the greatest thing ever.

The Green Box is an eco-friendly cardboard pizza box that includes some incredible features: The top of the box separates to form plates, while the bottom of the box folds into itself to store leftovers. So simple, yet so brilliant.

Klutz has a hilarious and fascinating book called The Klutz Book of Inventions. The book features descriptions of really strange (but mostly awesome) inventions. While these don't exist (yet) each one was built and tested at IDEO's world-renown design firm.

Finally, something that makes movie theater popcorn even more unhealthy! The Flavor Funnel is a "long, plastic gizmo that's stuck in the middle of popcorn containers" and distributes butter more evenly. Let's just coat the whole thing in chocolate, too.

You know how people say "those pants are so tight, they look like they're painted on?" Well, it's not so far from the truth now that there is Fabrican. Yes, it's fabric in a can that you can spray on!

How lazy are Americans? So lazy we're in search of an easier way to wipe our butts. Meet the "Easy Reach Bathroom Tissue Holder." It adjusts the toilet paper to be closer to you.

Pedophiles are everywhere, and they want your child: Fashion, to the rescue! Introducing Safe Cuddling, a fluffy playsuit that keeps the bad men away.

A college student at BYU invented a motorized couch that quickly prompted a ban on motorized couches on campus. Their favorite place to use it? The Wendy's drive-through.

Finally, a way to dignify the experience of sitting around farting in your pants: Meet Subtle Butt, the odor-eating butt patch. "I use them on airplanes, after a chili meal, and even on my dog," says its evangelistic creator.

Since there aren't any more Snuggie jokes to be made, Americans have moved on to ironically loving a new ridiculous product: the TV Hat. Can we all agree to stop wasting our money on this crap?

Tired of your umbrella breaking in high winds or getting gored by an errant bumbershoot blowing down 2nd Avenue? Well don't worry, science is on the case. A $100 umbrella could cure all of our woes. [WSJ]

In 1993, someone thought people "would enjoy having a desirable flavor imparted to them when they chew or suck upon the ends of the temple arms of their eyeglasses." He patented the flavored eyeglasses boot!

As if unsightly wallet-bulge and the (current) lack of iPad-sized backpockets weren't enough reason for men to start carrying purses, now there is the Wine Purse, a handy contraption for the drunk on the go. Prettier than an aluminum can!

The search is over! For March's inaugural In Search of contest, we looked for the best wacky amateur inventions. The winning video featured a doubly environmentally impactful device: a bike that filters water. Find out who won after the jump!