Ashlee Simpson consort, bar owner and America's foremost expert on guyliner Pete Wentz appears 9 times in the August issue of J-14. (The magazine is like N+1 but for teens.) In one of his many confessions to the magazine, he writes:

Some precocious students from RISD are currently circulating the above video on the internets, in which a postlapsarian Sanjaya Malakar begins a new campaign to rape the minds of an American public he hasn't been able to brain-diddle on a mass scale since his shocking Idol dismissal, claiming that "Sanjaya's" entire existence is nothing more than an elaborate art project by someone named "Bill Vendall." It's just cute enough to pass along, so: enjoy, even if it somewhat ruins your pet theory that tomorrow night's winner would dramatically tear off her latex Jordin mask to reveal the pony-hawked incubus beneath.

Alert! Sasha Frere-Jones, the New Yorker's resident Justin Timberlake and Mariah Carey enthusiast, is also an amateur photographer, which you may know if you ever visit his website, where you will see photographs of such things as purple tulips, turkey sandwiches with a side of orange, and graffiti. But Sasha would like your help, for his external hard drive has failed, and he has lost "every photo taken between October 2003 and December 2005." To retrieve these photos, he needs $5,000. That's where you come in!

March 14 is set for the SXSW debut of Slacker, which is some part of the musicology initiative from Dennis Mudd (formerly of Musicmatch, sold to Yahoo in 2004) and tune-gadget dudes Jim Cady and Jonathan Sasse. Details are sketchy, as this new endeavor has only been described as an "internet music ecosystem," though it's part of the overall venture of the three execs' Broadband Instruments. Supposedly it incorporates a wireless-capable player, plus a "social aspect," and a kitchen sink or two. Hype is careful to couch it as a new, innovationary step forward, rather than an iPod-killer per se. More of an iPod-hurter, if all goes well. Will the strong prey upon the weak, as in any proper ecosystem? Developing.

Setting aside the weirdness of this supposedly real image used to illustrate the story, a Jupiter Research report from December-January found little support for DRM among European music execs. The data is marginally interesting, as it presaged Steve Jobs's "Thoughts on Music" thing. But without seeing the full data ($750, anyone?) you can't really tell which kinds of execs said what. A few breakout stats are worth examining.

A tipster informs us that Dave Goldberg, VP and general manager of music at Yahoo, resigned yesterday, along with top lieutenant Bob Roback. Goldberg and Roback came aboard in 2001 when Yahoo bought their company, Launch Media. No word yet as to the reason for their sudden exit.

UPDATE: Confirmed.

While virtually our only memory of last night's Grammys telecast involves Justin Timberlake face-fucking a handheld video camera in an attempt to translate his performance into a more YouTube-ready format, an operative who was in attendance jogs our memory about a blink-and-you-missed-it Paris Hilton appearance we'd forgotten about, offering a look at how her two seconds of screen time was made possible:

We're hearing that "as many as" 500 people may be let go at MTV Networks "as early as next week." And another tipster reports that "Viacom is so pissed off at MTV Networks for missing their targets and being late on their true financial estimates for the end of 2006 that they are docking every staffer's quoted bonus by at least 15 percent .... Coming from a company that has plumped up their bonus payout for the past many years, docking their resources to an 85 percent payout will hurt like crazy and prompt many of them (both junior and senior) to pack their bags." Perhaps involuntarily, it would seem. Looks like Gideon Yago got out just in time.

Ghetto Pass is on sabbatical. Here, after the colon, and third comma, is your new feature summary written in small type:

Rock. Books. Food. A magical combination. Last night we sent Editorial Assistant Heather and Gawker lensperson Nikola Tamindzic down to the Tribeca Cinema Gallery to check out the scene at Alex Kapranos' Sound Bites book party. Join them after the jump.

A friend passes along this email from deep inside the bowels of [marketing type place], which he assures us is not a joke:

From Spin's January issue. YouTube, MySpace, and blogs all name-checked on first big-type page. Don't take this personally, but we're really, really starting to hate You.

Britrocker and Kate Moss manbutter supplier Pete Doherty may have been caught with heroin and crack in his car while ostensibly in drug rehab, but that's nothing a few hundred pounds and a break from driving can't fix. Making his weekly court appearance, Doherty didn't pretend to wince at this slap on the wrist, even enjoying a compliment from the judge for one of his songs. He now has a few days to try and figure out just what, exactly, one has to do in London in order to actually go to jail these days. We look forward to more progress from what must surely be the most tolerant (if not successful) rehab program in the world.

In January 2005, NYT restaurant critic Frank Bruni wrote a review of Little Giant, the "refined comfort food" (his words) on Orchard St., in which he spent at least half of the review discussing the owners' brilliant music choices. ("Siouxsie and the Banshees? Circa the early 1980's? Didn't I own that album?" Oh, Frank, you little Goth teenager, you.)

There's something very special about going to see a formerly indie band, now signed to a major label, play a venue that three years ago would've been much too big for them. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the crowd gets a little schizophrenic. In New York, this generally happens at places like Irving Plaza, Hammerstein, or Webster Hall, where we found ourselves the other night, taking in the Modest Mouse show along with approximately 1500 other people. It turned out most of them could be broken down into several distinct categories, which we've outlined for you after the jump.

A discussion is currently raging on the Daily Slope message board about how to deal with neighbors who insist on playing live music—loudly, drums and all—in their living room. We sympathize. Really, we do. Especially because,

Not content to let his fucked-uppedness infect one creative industry, Babyshambles frontman/Kate Moss drug supplier Pete Doherty is planning a fashion line with British clothing company Gio-Goi, which we've never heard of. Though this news is slightly confusing, it's no less confusing than what Doherty told NME:

Sometimes we feel bad for Moby. After all, just because someone is overly self-righteous and makes boring music doesn't mean everyone should hate on him!

It turns out that Guns N' Roses' "Sweet Child O' Mine" is the voice of my generation. It narrates the 20th century's transition from optimism to disillusion, beginning with some dude's poetic idealization of his girlfriend, and dissolving amidst the sound and fury of encroaching insignificance. It's like taking your date to the malt shop and winding up in a tomb.

Erica Warnock, Gawker's Map Intern