Whose side are you on? Are you a stone-cold originator, or some sugary carpetbagging poseur? Would you like sprinkles with that, or might a tasty chocolate dip be more to your liking? Are you in or are you out? Sugar cone or waffle? Most importantly: Mister Softee or New York Ice Cream?

During an otherwise routine tour promoting the new federal overtime rule, Joe Biden made an audacious claim on Wednesday while visiting an Ohio ice cream company.

Is New York a city in decline? DNAinfo reports that last week, an unnamed thief stole $113.80 in Häagen-Dazs ice cream from a Times Square Duane Reade. The news comes after reports of 10 other large-scale Häagen-Dazs thefts over the last four months. Forget about subway slashings—the ice cream thief’s spree is what New Yorkers should really be afraid of.

A New York man was arrested on Friday after allegedly driving around an ice cream truck in his underwear while intoxicated and yelling at children, WIVB reports.

A 27-year-old Maryland man is accused of shooting and killing an ice cream truck driver as he sold his frozen treats to gathered children, Reuters reports.

Sprinkles are a bad ice cream topping that certainly aren’t worth throwing a tantrum over. Alas, this is a lesson learned too late by the woman who was nearly arrested on Saturday in a Michigan ice cream parlor.

Vivid released child-bride-turned-adult-performer Courtney Stodden’s “unique” masturbation video—now titled “Courtney Uncovered’—today, ahead of schedule. And what’s so unique about it? Oh, just Courtney melting an ice cream cone between her immense fake breasts.

Beloved southern ice cream-maker Blue Bell just pulled its products a few weeks ago after three deaths and a number of illnesses sparked concerns of Listeria contamination. But apparently, Blue Bell wasn’t exactly taken by surprise: a new report from the Food and Drug Administration claims that the company likely knew about a Listeria contamination as early as 2013—and didn’t do a damn thing about it.

According to the L.A. Times, Blue Bell Creameries has issued a worldwide recall of its products over concerns that they may be contaminated with a dangerous strain of Listeria bacteria.

In many professions, "fake it 'til you make it" is a time-honored method of breaking into the industry. In law enforcement, however, it can also be a class B felony, as a New Hampshire teenager learned earlier this week.

Five patients at Via Christi St. Francis hospital in Wichita, Kansas developed listeriosis after eating ice cream products from the Blue Bell creamery in Brenham, Texas, the Associated Press reports. Three are dead.

The Venezuelan government is denying reports of an ice cream crisis. Coromoto, which serves over 850 flavors, claimed it was closing due to the country's shortage of milk. Venezuela's scarcity index was 29% in March, but officials say Coromoto is "serving more and more tourists and residents" than ever. If you say so.

Enjoy.

One of America's great pastimes—chasing after the ice cream truck as a kid while it rolled down your block, after which you'd devour each scoop with friends on a hot summer day—may not be as innocent as you remember. NPR recently unearthed troubling news about the beloved jingle that blares from ice cream trucks all across America.

A British ice cream maker managed to simulate the experience of popping bottles and popping boners with a new flavo(u)r called The Arousal. Key ingredients: Champagne and Viagra.

Dairy Queen, the delicious root cause of the south's obesity crisis, is expanding into Asia, with new ice cream flavors like "green tea with red bean or almond and extra green tea." Dear Asia: the ice cream is fine, but NEVER eat the "food." Oh god.

It's disturbing to imagine a street food vendor shoving an ice cream cone in your pants without permission, but this ice cream man in Istanbul's Old City makes the reality seem so fun.

From experience, I know having a suggestive adjective as a first name can lead to a lot of teasing, but at least I’m not Conor P. Fudge, the man accused of stealing ice cream and cakes from a Cold Stone Creamery store in Iowa City, Iowa. 25-year-old Fudge will never live down the fact that he was caught on camera stealing all sorts of ice cream, cakes, cash, and hopefully some mix-ins (the good mix-ins, not the gummy bears that freeze the second they hit the ice cream) from his former employer.

In 2002, Craig David asked the world "What's your flava? Tell me what's you flava (aaah)." Now Ben & Jerry's is performing similar research, asking the question in a less smooth and infinitely more confusing way.

The New York Daily News reports that the ice cream company has just launched a new "City Churned" campaign, which will culminate in the creation of city-specific flavors for New York, Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Washington D.C.

The town of Gloversville, New York—population 16 thousand—isn't big enough for two ice cream trucks. Or one man's anger-management issues.