Yes, yes. We know it's barely 11 in the morning. But we believe it's never too early to start making drinks plans, and, conveniently, the list of New York bars participating in Monday's Save New Orleans Cocktail Hour has been released.

An American Tragedy [Time]

• Sean Penn, our modern-day Ernie Pyle, takes his own boat to New Orleans to help the rescue effort. Stranded locals are surviving for days without food or water, but Penn couldn't even get more than 50 feet without his craft flooding. So, uh, back to acting or something. [Page Six]
• Kabbalah devotee Britney Spears doesn't really understand the religion, but she does think the red strings are really purty. [Scoop]
• Endeavor agent Ari Emmanuel may think driving an SUV helps the terrorists, but not so much as to resist a contract for his client Mark Wahlberg, in which several SUVs will be used. [Lowdown]
• Jimmy Choo president Tamara Mellon's relationship with Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis has reportedly gone sour after he stood her up in favor of attending Pam Anderson's Comedy Central Roast with rock concubine Kimberly Stewart. As if any relationship with a dude who's made millions off of underaged drunks drooling on their own breasts is going to turn out well. [Page Six]
• This summer sucked for famous people. [R&M]

New York Gas Prices has been dilligently tracking the best and worst places to fuel up your Hummer as the cost of oil continues to rise in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Take a quick glance at the highest prices in the region; suddenly it's rather clear who are the true victims of this national tragedy.

It was the freak-out heard 'round the world: On Friday night's "all-star" hurricane relief telethon, the usually cocktastic rapper Kanye West decided not to read his script and, instead of speaking about the devastation this-and-that, went fantastically batshit. "I hate the way they portray us in the media," he began, launching into a tirade about how terrible it is to see his people suffering in such a manner and how he was ashamed to have gone shopping (probably for the very outfit he was wearing during the broadcast) before donating a single cent.

This press release showed up sometime in the last, confusing day or two: