This image was lost some time after publication.

• Sean Penn, our modern-day Ernie Pyle, takes his own boat to New Orleans to help the rescue effort. Stranded locals are surviving for days without food or water, but Penn couldn't even get more than 50 feet without his craft flooding. So, uh, back to acting or something. [Page Six]
• Kabbalah devotee Britney Spears doesn't really understand the religion, but she does think the red strings are really purty. [Scoop]
• Endeavor agent Ari Emmanuel may think driving an SUV helps the terrorists, but not so much as to resist a contract for his client Mark Wahlberg, in which several SUVs will be used. [Lowdown]
• Jimmy Choo president Tamara Mellon's relationship with Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis has reportedly gone sour after he stood her up in favor of attending Pam Anderson's Comedy Central Roast with rock concubine Kimberly Stewart. As if any relationship with a dude who's made millions off of underaged drunks drooling on their own breasts is going to turn out well. [Page Six]
• This summer sucked for famous people. [R&M]