If you're getting a Secret Service beatdown, at least do it with gusto: Career criminal Gregory Brockman wrote a jailhouse letter threatening to kill the President and eat his flesh. This has been your creative assassination plot of the day.

An enraged customer crawled through the drive-thru window of a South Brunswick McDonald's because his Fish-O-Filet sandwich was taking too long. Inside the restaurant he assaulted an employee, shouted threats, then absconded with his food.

This guy thought he was fishing a blue beer can from the ocean. Turns out it was a lobster; only one in five million are blue. It was donated to the Seacoast Science Center. I wonder how it tastes. [NYDN]

Barack Obama and Michelle visited James Beard award-winning restaurant Blue Hill on tonight's NYC date.

Your headline of the morning: "Politician Blames Neighborhood Crime on Pizza Sales."

Now that they're on strike, it seems like screenwriters are busier and more productive than ever. But left to their own devices, it turns out that they are a distinctly unfunny bunch. Put a bunch of 'em in a room and eventually they'll write Six Feet Under, but in the end they're just monkeys—monkeys writing for the LA Times and New York mag and making their own blogs and getting all up on the HuffPo. Here's our Striking Screenwriter Roundup—clearly the work of simians. All they can think about is food!