Being a sea lion is fine but it probably isn't as cool as being a human. Humans can walk freely in the world and eat hot dogs and see burlesque shows, etc. One eager sea lion, after becoming aware of this fact, decided to try blending in with a human family like we wouldn't fucking notice.

Thigh gap. Why?

Two researchers in the Netherlands have gone and done the thing that will screw us all in our efforts to remain pleasantly and mildly unhealthy. They've discovered that, when in the wild, mice actually seek out the running wheel as a leisure activity.

In Virginia, an outdoorsman encountered a "strange and amazing animal," a huge, all-white raccoon. He'd "never seen anything remotely close" to it. So, inspired by the one-of-a-kind vision of nature's possibilities, he killed it with a crossbow.

As baseball's regular season nears its end, here is a highlight reel celebrating the hideous souvenir-crazed monsters who grab balls away from young children in the stands.

Police in Grove City, Ohio, a town located about 20 minutes outside of Columbus, Ohio and about 9 hours and 30 minutes outside of New York City and about 36 hours outside of Los Angeles, are on the hunt for a recently escaped 650-pound Black Angus bull calf who made a bid for freedom through a broken fence Monday night.

One of the great mysteries of humankind—Why do my fingers get all wrinkly during baths?—has maybe-possibly been solved. Says science: "Much like the tread on a tire, [raisin fingers] improve traction." Sure, that sounds reasonable. Apparently the nervous system controls the wrinkle response, and it has nothing to do with bloating or water absorption. [Well, BrainBehavior&Evolution, Image via Afronova/Shutterstock]

The British are now hunting the most dangerous game: mankind. Bwahahaha! It's all in good fun though.

Scientists have discovered an entirely new species of ancient human. The Denisovans lived in Central Asia around 40,000 years ago, and we all have some of their DNA from back when they got busy with our own ancestors.

British researchers have concluded that Neanderthals "had a sense of compassion," and didn't just wantonly kill and maim each other as previously thought. Closely examined remains prove that they cared for the sick and disabled. Sounds pretty damn socialist, no?

Paleontologists have discovered evidence of human habitation in Britain dating back almost a million years—possibly the "oldest uncontested site of human occupation of Europe." How did they figure this all out? Thanks to hyena poop, naturally.