When we heard this morning that disgraced former Times editor Howell Raines had sold his West Village townhouse and would likely be remaining at his erstwhile vacation place in Pennsylvania, we figured we'd go take a look at what he's leaving behind. Turns out the Howell house has long been, coincidentally, our favorite on its block, with a pretty fabulous old portico (that's not the right word, but we don't know what is) over the front door. It is also, perhaps more interestingly, just down West 11th from the home of Raines' literary antagonist, Seth Mnookin. (Google Maps calls it .3 miles.)

It's things like this that make us realize just how colossally dorky we are:

• Today's speculation on the next World News Tonight anchor: Charlie Gibson. Because Diane wants him to. [NYO]
• That Times Mag Mark-Warner-Looks-Nothing-Like-His-Photo correction? It's all thanks to the Observer. [NYO]
• Howell Raines' latest memoir TK on May 9. In case 20,000 words in The Atlantic wasn't enough for you. [E&P]
• Kent Brownridge is gone from Wenner Media. Again. For real. We think. [NYP]
• And Jann startes hunting for a new Kent. Mary Berner, maybe? [WWD]
• The Times thinks Hillary's running for president, too: She'll now be covered through the Washburo instead of the Metro desk. [NYO]

• Lindsay Lohan hasn't really given much thought to attending college. Surprising, we know, but think about it: She's already got four years of heavy binge drinking under her belt. What could higher education possibly have to offer? [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• If you're going to write a graphic roman clef about your affair with former Times editor Howell Raines, have you any choice but to call it Touched by Ink-Stained Hands? Clearly not. [Page Six]
• Celebs like Paris Hilton don't take Kabbalah seriously enough, prompting Madonna to choke them with her red string. [Scoop]
• Congrats to Us Weekly EIC Janice Min, who's expecting her second child. So many choices for her new baby's name: Tomkat, Federletus, Vaughniston, Brangelina... [Page Six]
• Lloyd Grove gets snippy with WWD's Jeff Bercovici. They'll be meeting under the old willow tree at 4 P.M. to settle things once and for all. [Lowdown (last item)]

• Martha Stewart ankles bracelet, finally. [Newsday]
• Newsday to cut jobs, benefit, and maybe the NYC edition. Again. [NYDN]
• Howell Raines lives! Though it's still not like he's getting published on this coast. [LAT]
• As if a reality show about life at the Daily News didn't sound exciting enough, know this: Word is long-fingered vulgarian Hud Morgan's the breakout star. This is particularly great news, because Hud's ego really needs a boost. [WWD]
• FX becomes the first TV network to show Iraqi insurgents beheading a journalist — on fictional show, Over There. [E&P]
• Now Google sells print ads, too. Somehow, this must be bad for newspapers and magazines. [NYT]

ArtNet's Charlie Finch, bitter that the NYT isn't covering his favorite Chelsea galleries, takes Raines-bashing to an entirely new level: "...the New York Times is a hyper-capitalist vacuum which sucks in high commodity advertising targeted to its wealthy readers, covering it with a pathetic, neosocialist editorial slant, designed to disguise its plutocratic raison d'etre: handbags for the rich and editorials for the poor...bogus editor Howell Raines, age 60, is yapping about how much he loves Eminem."
The bizarro art world of the New York Times [ArtNet via Traveler's Diagram]

From the NYT "Corrections" page: "An article in Arts & Ideas on Saturday about works of art inspired by science misstated the title of a Thomas Pynchon novel. It is The Crying of Lot 49, not The Crying of Lot 69." The NYT staff has apparently confused a Thomas Pynchon novel with an Amy Sacco-run downtown club. This must be part of the ongoing quest for hipness initiated by Editor Howell Raines. (But Lot 61 is soooo, like, 1999 Fendi-baguette-and-apple-martini.)
Corrections [NYT]

NYT Editor Howell Raines' wedding to Krystyna Anna Stachowiak (the theme: black tie fly fishing) marked the continuation of a hallowed Times tradition: newsroom romance. "The Times newsroom has always been a very romantic place," said former Times managing editor Arthur Gelb, "I've seen generations of editors and reporters find love in and outside the newsroom." Awwww... Oh, wait. Typo. Ewwww...
My big fat Times wedding [NYT]

· Raines/Stachowiak wedding announcement
· Hooters Air takes off
· The sexiest redheads of all time [via Fark]
· The Masturbate for Peace movement

Blogging makes Vanity Fair's In & Out list. Blogger is In — but only as a new term for a failed journalist. Or, in Andrew Sullivan's case, a new term for a writer out of favor with Howell Raines at the New York Times.

Miscellaneous things NYT staffers are not allowed to do:
· Hold political office or wear campaign buttons or attend political rallies.
· Culture staff who collect objects of art must submit lists of their acquisitions to their editors.
· Reporters who own individual stocks that may be relevant to their beats must disclose them and business and financial editors that determine the placement of stories may not own them at all.
· Spouses are also scrutinized with regard to all of the above. (Best not to have a spouse.)
· On free food: "A simple buffet of muffins and coffee at a news conference, for example, is harmless."
The Code [New Yorker]

Welcome to another chapter in Howell Raines' bizarre ongoing fascination with the hip-hop/rap scene: the NYT follows Pianist star Adrien Brody out for a night on the town and finds him hanging with P-Diddy (yo) who is "dressed in diamonds and a baggy yellow tracksuit like a very rich 4-year-old." Brody had made a CD for P-Diddy after taking mom and dad to Nobu and wanted to drop it off. The NYT reports that P-Diddy liked what he heard and "began doing that exaggerated nod to the beats that signals either 'I have no strength left in my neck' or 'I really groove on that.'"
Adrien Brody: Mr. Chameleon [NYT]

Howell Raines wants to put the arts and leisure back in the Arts & Leisure section of the NYT. He hasn't picked an editor yet, but Slate's Jodi Kantor is rumored to be the leading candidate. Raines says he wants to be "as good at telling our readers the history of CBGB as we are about telling them about the Metropolitan Opera." Demonstrating that he's truly hip with the kids, Raines adds that he liked the Eminem movie, 8 Mile, and says that this East Coast/West Coast rap shit is whack, yo.
Howell Raines: may a thousand critics bloom [Observer]
Yo, yo, yo Times [Buzzmachine]

Tina's back! She turned down Howell Raines, Adam Moss, and Graydon Carter, all of whom wanted her as contributor, but she has agreed to write for Maer Roshan's new mag, Radar. In addition, her gossipy Times of London column will be appearing in Salon.
Tina back on U.S. radar [Keith Kelly - Post]

· Howell Raines is getting married. [Page Six]
· Guests at Cabo resort tease Sean Penn about Iraq. [Page Six]
· Amy Sacco is suing her landlord, who she says is trying to evict her so he can triple the rent. [Page Six]
· John Cameron Mitchell is casting for a new movie called "The Sex Film Project" that features actors having actual sex on camera. He's looking for "downtown, bohemian Williamsburg types." [Page Six]
· Condé Nast CEO, Steve Florio, was in a fender bender in the Florida Keys. [Page Six]
· Cindy Adams objects to the construction of a cement plant in upstate New York on the basis that its builders "are not even New Yorkers. Not even Americans." Note to Cindy: neither is half the population of Manhattan. Cindy Adams]
· Liz Smith turns 80. [Liz Smith]
· Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdul Aziz flew Roberta Flack in for his New Year's party; Guy Ritchie's new TV show is cancelled after a cameraman is stabbed; and ex-Bush speechwriter David Frum's new tell-all says the Karl Rove had "the ideas nobody else had" while Karen Hughes had "the same ideas that everybody else had."

NY Mag has just released its "Where to Eat" issue, and it looks like red meat and home cooking are the themes for 2003. The Cult of Atkins is probably responsible for most of it, but it may also be a function of the Southern culture that seems to be quietly infiltrating New York.

To: Fashion/Style

From: Howell Raines, Executive Editor

Re: query letters

Dear Howell,

So I hear you're letting that jackass Hamilton write an article about how to throw a cocktail party in that appalling rathole he refers to as his "apartment." I also hear that you're paying for the party as well as the book he's using to plan it—Cocktails With a Twist or something like that.

Dear Howell,

Ever wonder how to throw a cocktail party in an impossibly small apartment? A studio, even? I'm sure you have! (Who hasn't?) I'd like to offer you a 1,000 word article on how to throw a cocktail party in a Manhattan loft the size of the average NYT utility closet. (You pay for the cocktails, of course. And the DIY cocktail party book I'm going to shamelessly mock in the article. I will also need a copy of Missy Eliot's "Under Construction" CD.) Thank you for your consideration.

Best,

William J. Hamilton

Cocktails fit for banana republicans [NYT]

Cocktail Parties With a Twist

Max Power points out that an NYT writer recently expensed approximately $5,000 for a Travel Section article on "luxury in New York." "A $322 dinner at Lespinasse merited a whole sentence, a $102 afternoon tea half a sentence, but the $150 worth of massages at the St. Regis got edited out."
Our next query letter: "Dear Howell, We all suspect that the real fuctional differences between the Gulfstream V and Lear 25 are miniscule but are they really? Gawker proposes a 2,500 word article in which we take the G5 for brunch in Monaco and the Lear for early-evening dancing in Rio de Janiero."
A buffet of luxury in New York [NYT]
The Perqs of Writing for the NYTimes [Max Power]