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• Lindsay Lohan hasn't really given much thought to attending college. Surprising, we know, but think about it: She's already got four years of heavy binge drinking under her belt. What could higher education possibly have to offer? [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• If you're going to write a graphic roman clef about your affair with former Times editor Howell Raines, have you any choice but to call it Touched by Ink-Stained Hands? Clearly not. [Page Six]
• Celebs like Paris Hilton don't take Kabbalah seriously enough, prompting Madonna to choke them with her red string. [Scoop]
• Congrats to Us Weekly EIC Janice Min, who's expecting her second child. So many choices for her new baby's name: Tomkat, Federletus, Vaughniston, Brangelina... [Page Six]
• Lloyd Grove gets snippy with WWD's Jeff Bercovici. They'll be meeting under the old willow tree at 4 P.M. to settle things once and for all. [Lowdown (last item)]