howard-k-stern

Howard K. Stern: I Am Not A Gay Druggie Kidnapping Ransomer!

Choire · 10/03/07 08:20AM

Howard K. Stern, paramour and lawyer to fallen angel-temptress Anna Nicole Smith, is suing the holy heck out of Rita Cosby and her publisher, Hachette Book Group. Cosby's book, "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death," which has pretty much only been read by tabloid mag staffers in need of innuendo for items, claims that Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole babydaddy Larry Birkhead had an affair, for one thing. Birkhead's attorney—his client certainly has more case for grievance, because oh my God, Howard K. Stern, eww—says he'll file his own libel suit soon enough. Nifty! The legacy of Anna Nicole lives on!

Bahamas Nearly Ready To Look Into One-Year-Old Case Of Daniel Smith's Death

seth · 09/24/07 06:15PM

To be honest, we thought the Bahamas' authorities had undertaken their Daniel Smith inquest months ago, having concluded that the substance Howard K. Stern was spotted nervously disposing of down a hospital toilet moments after Anna Nicole's son's suspicious death must have been jars of his own collected tears, in anticipation of the strength he'd be required to show in the weeks to come. As it turns out, the much-delayed inquest is just about to get underway:

Larry Birkhead And Howard K. Stern Really Might Be Gay Lovers

Doree Shafrir · 09/05/07 03:20PM

So today, nearly all of the celeb mags are breathlessly reporting the nastiest coupling we've come across: Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy Larry Birkhead and her attorney and semi-husband Howard K. Stern were, according to that strumpet Rita Cosby's new book, totally doing it! And struck a backroom deal, and there's a sex tape, and oh my God, gross.

Larry Birkhead's Mad As Hell: A Round-Up

seth · 09/05/07 12:47PM

As much of the world spent their Monday evenings funneling turpentine into their ears, hoping the primitive technique might somehow wash away the indelible vision of Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern engaged in "a compromising, intimate position," the two men figuring most prominently in the outrageous claims made by Rita Cosby's new book have begun to fight back. A round-up:
· On a Larry King Live guest-hosted by TMZ's Harvey Levin, Birkhead again dismissed the allegations made in the book, insisting it belongs next to "Harry Potter in the fiction aisle," among "similar, made-up acts of wizard-on-wizard depravity." [transcripts.cnn.com]

When Howard Met Larry: Rita Cosby Drops A Dirty Bomb

seth · 09/04/07 01:26PM

Last week, we were teased with news of "shocking" material contained within the pages of former MSNBC host Rita Cosby's bombshell-laden new book, Blond Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death. For a conspiracy-hungry public who never quite warmed to Howard K. Stern's svengali-like presence and his sudden coziness with overly highlighted babydaddy Larry Birkhead, it instantly conjured up a host of sordid scenarios—everything from lusty man-on-man trysts to black market baby sales, from systematic bimbo-druggings to involuntary face-painting. Now, a leaked manuscript reveals that Cosby's claims include all of the above, and more:

Did Larry Birkhead Swap Dannielynn For $78 And A Tootsie Roll?

heatherfug · 08/31/07 03:02PM

OK! magazine's dramatically unspecific allegations yesterday that Larry Birkhead is not the upstanding, profoundly moral soul we'd expect an Anna Nicole Smith ex to be left us to speculate on our own about his torrid secrets. Now, TMZ dumps lighter fluid and a match on the smoldering coals with suspiciously well-timed rumors that MSNBC anchor Rita Cosby's dishy Anna Nicole tell-all — conveniently available Sept. 4! — claims Birkhead slipped Howard K. Stern something entirely different:

'OK!' Dumps The Birkheads Due To Vague — But Damning! — Scandal

heatherfug · 08/30/07 12:20PM

Those tender-hearted moralists at OK! magazine — who wrestled publicly with whether or not to print the pictures from its excrement-crusted Britney Spears shoot — are at it again: They now say they are dropping their planned exclusive coverage of Dannielynn on her first birthday. Since this can't possibly have anything to do with the glut of father-daughter pictures we just saw in Us Weekly, there must be some other, far more scandalous explanation—and there is! Please ready yourselves for earth-rending allegations that, unfortunately, can only be discussed with tantalizing vagueness:

Larry Birkhead's Family Reunion: A Round-Up

seth · 04/10/07 05:23PM


· Enjoy this video of Larry breaking the good news: "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but: I told you so!" If you look closely, you can see money being exchanged between the giddy Bahamian law enforcement officials in the background.
· Prince Zsa Zsa the Fourth's official concession statement is the model of good sportsmanship: "We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best." [TMZ]

Breaking: It's Larry's!

seth · 04/10/07 04:12PM

Admittedly, we had prepared in advance for other possible outcomes, but in our hearts, we always knew that no amount of baby home hair-coloring products could cover the golden locks Larry Birkhead passed down to his genetic progeny. Moments ago, the elated Entourage background player announced to a gathered crowd that Dannielynn was 99.9999% his. Howard K. Stern then told reporters he was "obviously very disappointed," but that he would "do everything I can to make sure he gets sole custody," as opposed to the baby's overzealous grave-filling grandmother Virgie Arthur. Reports then have the two former adversaries hugging it out, bitch—a tender moment of reconciliation that would have been incredibly moving if it didn't instantly bring to mind the slashfic Stern-on-Birkhead fantasy that scarred us some weeks ago. Developing...

Larry Birkhead Could Get $5 Mil And A Baby

Doree · 04/09/07 03:28PM

Sweet mother of God, the DNA test results of Anna Nicole-spawn Dannielynn will finally be announced tomorrow, bringing our long, collective nightmare to what will undoubtedly be an anticlimactic conclusion. There's practically no one left who believes that someone other than Larry Birkhead could be the daddy. Even that poor sap Howard K. Stern has all but conceded defeat. (Though Prince von Anhalt could be a dark horse! Wouldn't that throw everything into disarray?) Of course, this is just where things start to get fun—and expensive—for the celebrity magazines and the tabloid TV shows.

Howard K. Stern Reportedly Ready To Concede Babydaddy Sweepstakes To Whoever Actually Fathered Dannielynn Smith

seth · 04/09/07 02:07PM

TMZ is reporting an "all systems go" for the Big Daddy Reveal tomorrow, with major players in the Dannielynn Smith paternity case descending upon Nassau, including the expert from Ohio who oversaw the testing, and frontrunner Larry "Bullseye" Birkhead, seen here excitedly boarding an American Airlines flight, daydreaming about which terrifyingly oversized stuffed animal he'll present his newly won daughter with first. As for Howard K. Stern, the site quotes "unimpeachable sources" who insist he won't challenge for custody if the baby isn't his:

Howard K. Stern Finding It Was Way Easier To Evade The Whole DNA Issue When Anna Nicole Was Still Around

seth · 04/02/07 01:13PM

After submitting a DNA sample to Bahamian authorities (we prefer to maintain our blissful ignorance of how exactly that was achieved), Howard K. Stern made an 11th hour attempt at blocking the results. It was a legal action we're almost certain arose out his desire for privacy at this difficult moment, and not, say, because he bore even the slightest shadow of a doubt that Dannielynn wasn't stamped as 100% his own loinfruit product. Now comes word that the courts have shot down his appeal:

Anna Nicole Smith Round-Up: It Never Ends

seth · 03/29/07 03:19PM

· After a brief stall for undisclosed legal reasons, the Bahamian inquest into the death of Daniel Smith is finally under way, with a jury of seven women selected to determine the circumstances surrounding the death that started it all. 40 witnesses are set to testify, including Stern, Birkhead, and hospital staff members who reportedly witnessed Howard K. Stern flushing methadone down a toilet soon after Daniel's body was discovered. It remains to be seen how an all-female jury might influence the proceedings, though we doubt they could get any more emotional during the verdict-reading than Judge Seidlin did. [CourtTV]
· A new theory about Anna Nicole's death (because it's still so easy to shoot holes in that whole "nine drugs in her system" one) was that she caffeined herself to death. More specifically, the combination of the antibiotic Cipro and tons of caffeinated soda in her system gave her intense insomnia, leading her to overdose on sleep-aid chloral hydrate. Take heed, Britney Spears: Coke's sweet syrupy release can potentially be deadly. [Fox911]

Anna Nicole Smith Round-Up: The $500,000 Diaries

seth · 03/22/07 07:20PM

· A businessman from Germany bid over a half million dollars for two of Anna Nicole's diaries from the early '90s, a sample page of which contains many of the running themes of tragic loss and addiction that would follow her until the end of her life: "I had lunch with Howard Someone ran over my cat yesterday I was real sad Clay came over last nite to give me some sleeping pills It was nice to see him" [TMZ]
· Not even a court-ordered eviction has managed to get Howard K. Stern out of the Bahamian home that belongs to former Anna Nicole sugardaddy G. Ben Thompson (see him traipsing around it with authorities here!), whose attorneys have filed a summons, asking the courts to do the Stern dropkicking for them. [Access Hollywood]
· Autopsy results! Monday! (You thought we'd have some definitive answers readily available for you? Perish the thought.) [USA Today]
· Earlier this month, Larry Birkhead trademarked the phrase "Goodnight, My Sweet Anna Baby" for use in "movies, books, TV programs, Internet programs and stage plays," though we think it would best suit the inevitable Schönberg and Boublil West End megamusical. [ABCNews.com]