WCBS reports that Rep. Charlie Rangel will cut a deal to avoid the embarrassing ethics trial that's scheduled to proceed within hours. It would involve acknowledging his fuck-uppery, but no resignation. But we'll see! Remember, he's extremely stubborn. [Photo: Getty]

Hey, your Congress did something today! The House passed a bill (already passed by the Senate) to reduce a relic of '80s-style freak-out legislation: reducing the massive disparity between powder and crack cocaine prison sentences.

Mean, stubborn crook Rep. Charlie Rangel has finally realized that he's two days from the start of a House ethics trial, so maybe it's time to deal? Unfortunately, this would involve him admitting any wrongdoing, which is unacceptable to him.

While nothing short of a mobilized Allied army seems capable of forcing Rep. Charlie Rangel out of Congress, the House ethics committee will charge him with official ethics violations, essentially setting up a trial — the first in eight years.

House minority leader John Boehner understands the unemployment situation on a very personal level. Three of his eleven siblings, he says, lost jobs during this recession. But he doesn't know if they've found new ones! Maybe he should call them?

Minnesota's greatest, Michele Bachmann, and several other patriotic congressmen held a presser today announcing the launch of the House Tea Party Caucus! Her office also released a list of inaugural members — some of whom didn't know they'd signed up.

Your favorite wingnut Minnesota congresscritter Michele Bachmann has made even more history today. Congress has approved her application to form an official House Tea Party Caucus! Get excited for constant parking lot donnybrooks with the Congressional Black Caucus.

Oh god, Democrats are infighting again. Nancy Pelosi hates White House secretary Robert Gibbs! Most other House Democrats hate Robert Gibbs! Robert Gibbs probably hates someone too! Time to get these kids in a room and "clear the air."

Many Democrats are upset with White House press secretary Robert Gibbs for saying, over the weekend, that enough House seats are in play this November for a Republican takeover. Hey, upset Democrats: This was not news to anyone.

Political operatives of all stripes are furious at RNC chair Michael Steele today for his anti-Afghanistan war comments. Now everyone must "spin" and "clarify" instead of taking a half-day! Republicans are calling for Steele's resignation, while Democrats are being stupid.

Joe Scarborough really hates House minority leader John Boehner. At least that's what came across on today's edition of Morning Joe, when he relentlessly pushed a Politico reporter into confirming his suspicion that Boehner is Washington's laziest barfly.

House and Senate conferees reached a deal on a final financial regulatory reform package last night (this morning?) at 5:39 a.m., with junk food wrappers strewn about the hallowed chamber. What were the final agreements in this, the Dodd-Frank bill?

Here's famously insane Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert reading a column from prominent conservative Thomas Sowell about why Barack Obama setting up a $20 billion BP claims fund makes him literally Hitler. Thanks again for the envoy, Texas' first congressional district!

In a meeting with House Republicans today, idiot Congressman Joe Barton apologized to his colleagues again for apologizing to BP CEO Tony Hayward. They allowed him to keep his powerful committee position. Then he went and bragged on Twitter! Jesus.

John Boehner and fellow Republicans are, naturally, furious at freaking Rep. Joe Barton for apologizing to BP earlier this morning, at the beginning of Tony Hayward's hearing. Why did he do that? He could lose his fancy committee seat!

Texas Rep. Joe Barton, who's more or less an employee of the oil industry, delivered an incredible statement to comical BP CEO Tony Hayward this morning, apologizing for the White House's $20 billion dollar "shakedown" fund.

Georgia Rep. Paul Broun is concerned about an energy bill killing old people in hot states. What happens when Floridians and Georgians turn up their thermostats in summer, to save on bills? Waves of death, says this esteemed "medical doctor."

What is Congress going to do this summer? The House plans on taking it easy, and the Senate will work very hard. Which means the House will get only twice as much done as the Senate for a change.

This is not about Ben! Ben Smith is the most tolerable person at The Politico. He works very hard, and he deserves to have people on TV mention his name as if it is no big thing. It is about how the internet has been around for almost 100 internet-years now, and TV is still scared of it and stupid about it.

Glenn Beck is America's second-favorite "TV personality." Leno is third.