According to various #websites, August 26 (today!) is #NationalDogDay. In light of this news, an obvious question might be, “Wait, what governing body even has the authority to declare such a holiday?” However, an even more obvious answer is, “What’s it matter, you drip, don’t we all deserve to see a bunch of dogs?”

At this point, you’re probably considering escape—and it’s true, even a reasonably swift child could outpace me—but you will never outrun the dozen flaxen hounds you see before you.