This is Mary Lou Bruner. Mary Lou believes that baby dinosaurs lived on Noah’s ark, school shootings are a product of kids learning evolution, and the New World Order is working to reduce the world’s population by about two-thirds. Mary Lou also just so happens to be running for the Texas State Board of Education. She has a pretty good shot.

Former professional ballplayer Lamar Odom lies in a coma in a Nevada hospital, and TMZ is reporting that his ex-wife, professional Kardashian Khloe Kardashian, is in charge of making his life-or-death medical decisions. Because she’s not his ex-wife after all—they’re still married. Holy shit.

Here is a video of a kid who just so damn badly wants to shout “holy shit” but just can’t get any closer than “holy crud,” which, if we’re being honest, is a poor substitute.

He Himself bore our fears in His tiny meatball body on the steps, so that we might die to fear and live to fearlessness; for by His straight up no joke extraordinary pup bravery you were healed.

This is an almost five minute-long video of a doctor in Faizabad, India removing hundreds of maggots from a patient's ear. Jesus Christ.

This video, shot earlier this year in Italy and uploaded today by a pyrotechnics enthusiast, shows what happens when an entire fireworks display accidentally goes up at once. To sum up: Holy shit. You'll want to turn the volume down a little bit for this one.

In bizarre, terrifying video released by the Maplewood, Min. Police Department Wednesday night, 68-year-old Charles Emmett Logan can be seen attacking St. John's Hospital staff with a metal pole as they frantically try to flee. After injuring four nurses, Logan reportedly ran out into the street, was tased by police, and died soon after.

In a freak accident that does nothing to calm your fears of objects falling from the sky and killing you, a construction worker in Jersey City died this morning after a one-pound tape measure fell 50 stories and hit him in the head.

In the apparent conclusion to a crazy story, Hossein Nayeri will be arraigned in Orange Country this week for his alleged involvement in a plot to kidnap, torture, and steal from a marijuana dispensary owner, who survived having his penis cut off.

According to a damning new report by the New York Times, a Blackwater project manager in Iraq threatened to kill a State Department official conducting a review of the security contractor. This threat was reportedly made just weeks before the 2007 shootings in Baghdad's Nisour Square, where Blackwater guards shot and killed 17 civilians.

United Flight 1637 was supposed to be a quick holiday jaunt for off-duty Air Force Captain Mike Gongol and his family. But when the 737's pilot suffered an apparent heart attack, Gongol ended up in the cockpit, helping guide the plane to an emergency landing that saved 160 souls.

Tree trimming is a dangerous job. You might fall. A large branch might land on your head. Or, you know, your chainsaw might become lodged two inches in your neck while you're twenty feet off the ground.

Eating breakfast on a wharf overlooking the Pacific Ocean is probably amazing unless a huge wave literally crashes through the restaurant you're in, soaking you completely and washing your breakfast away.

Perhaps you heard the news that Charles Manson is maybe, possibly engaged to a 25-year-old? Or at least that's what Manson's paramour, Star (left, with her bb on the right), told Rolling Stone's Erik Hedegaard during the arduous process of assembling a lengthy profile on the very famous convicted murderer. Unfortunately for the aspiring bride, when Manson was asked about their impending nuptials, he rebuffed the idea as "a bunch of garbage." But apparently that's just something endearing the face of evil does.

This weekend, two planes full of skydivers collided at 12,000 feet, causing one plane to explode and the other to crash land. Amazingly, both pilots and all nine skydivers survived. Last night, NBC News released spectacular footage of the crash taken from the skydivers' helmet-cam videos.

At least one meteorite crashed into Russia earlier today, causing several giant explosions and forcing schools and offices to be evacuated. The meteorite reportedly landed in the Chelyabinsk region of Russia, where witnesses said the explosions shattered the windows of nearby buildings and disrupted cell phone service. There were over 400 injuries (Update: now upgraded to 950), and damage was reported in six cities. Information is still coming in and we'll update accordingly, but for now check out the amazing videos and photos from the scene. (We'll be updating with new video and photo throughout the day, so check back for new stuff.)

Canadian eagles apparently don't share the disposition of Canadian humans, as evidenced by this dickhead eagle that tried to SNATCH A BABY STRAIGHT OFF THE GROUND in Montreal. Fortunately, the eagle was not able to pull off the greatest aviary caper in world history, probably because small humans weigh many more pounds than big rodents. Hopefully for the eagle's sake, his family won't be too angry at him after he was unable to provide for them on Reverse Thanksgiving. (Update: read theories about why the video is fake here.)

There are multiple tornadoes on the ground in the Dallas area right now, and one has already caused significant damage after ripping through an entire tractor trailer parking lot. The video above, from CNN's broadcast, clearly shows a number of 18-wheelers being picked up hundreds of feet in the air.

A 10-year-old Chinese boy on Monday fell from the window of his family's 20th floor apartment and miraculously survived by crashing through the rear windshield of a car. China's Xinhua News reports a pillow in the backseat cushioned his head.

Just in time for Pope Benedict's taxpayer-funded trip to Britain, a Channel 4 investigation shows that at least 14 priests who have served time for molesting children remain in the clergy, and some even made it into the Church's yearbook.