Many companies have been busy cancelling their holiday parties in recent weeks. But if your firm is still searching for a little entertainment to spice things up (and you're not interested in having a losing contestant from Top Chef make an appearance), here's one more option to add to the list. Donald and Allison, who operate a site called SopranosLookalikes.com and claim they served as James Gandolfini and Edie Falco's photo doubles on the HBO show, say they still have some availabilities for upcoming holiday events. The couple promises to offer up quite a show if you hire them. They'll happily meet and greet your guests, "present awards," and "do toasts." They're also willing to "argue with each other" and "Tony can humiliate those you want made an example out of," which, come to think about it, might come in handy if the CEO of your company just slashed the budget and fired a big bunch of people.

Here's a preposterous contrarian strategy: Evil diamond merchant De Beers is more than doubling its marketing spending this holiday season, because they have "new research showing diamond jewelry will be the number-one gift for the holidays in 2008." Oh really? Diamonds made out of compressed spam, boiled into a thin soup and served with watery Kool-Aid, maybe. De Beers says their ad campaign will be "philosophical." That philosophy is egoism with a touch of apocalypticism. [WWD]

The odds that you remember the drunken, depraved glories of your employer's past holiday parties are virtually nil, so most of Hollywood shouldn't be too upset today to hear how the recession-to-be is affecting this year's big industry fetes. Variety reports that Disney and Viacom won't be celebrating at all, while other studios are scaling back their own events and even awards-season premieres to the extent their needy talent will allow. And if the global economic meltdown didn't feel like a crisis before, wait until you hear how the caterers will be hit:

No holiday celebrations this year for employees of CB Richard Ellis and Cushman & Wakefield: Both real estate firms have decided to forgo their annual Christmas parties. But CBRE says it's going to give employees a half-day off from work instead, which might very well be a better deal. [NYO]

If you're planning to be in the vicinity of Rockefeller Center tomorrow, keep in mind that a 115-foot long trailer will be depositing an eight-ton tree in the middle of the Midtown during the early morning hours. Did your company cancel its annual holiday party and/or festive office decorations? Consider this your substitute! [NYDN]

Here's a one-of-a-kind gift idea for the celebrity-obsessed friend on your Christmas shopping list: A California man named Noel Cruz will happily design a disturbingly life-like doll in the image of your favorite celeb. Cruz's site has pics of his Tobey Maguire, Nicole Kidman, Keira Knightley, and Kirsten Dunst. Or you could just order his Celine Dion figurine and stick pins in it, we suppose. [NCruz.com via Coudal]

For the brave souls who earn a living dressing up as Santa, this should be the beginning of the busiest time of the year. That isn't the case this year, unfortunately. The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas, a group that represents 700 red-suited men, reports that bookings have fallen off a cliff in recent weeks as department stores and civic groups cut back on their holiday budgets. [WSJ]

This is going to be the saddest holiday season ever! Not because so many people have been laid off in recent months, real estate values have plummeted, and stock portfolios are underwater. Even those who still have jobs can no longer look forward to one of the few remaining perks in corporate America—the holiday party with a neverending supply of free food and drink. Companies have been canceling their annual shindigs left and right in recent weeks, thus dashing the dreams of countless mid-level executives who have been dreaming of getting the cute assistant in human resources liquored up and making out with her in the coat room since, well, last year's party. After the jump, a list of local companies that have canceled their Christmas festivities thus far. Are we missing some? Email us at tips@cityfile.com.

Earlier this week, we asked for suggestions for current events-related Halloween costumes that wouldn't make your day editor want to slap you. (i.e. NO SARAH PALIN) Good thing we never revisited this topic until the end of the week, because the world's best costume didn't present itself until yesterday, when Ashley "Ol' B-Face" Todd carved a backwards "B" into her own face and called the cops and said Barack Obama and William Ayers robbed and molested and gently whittled her. Yes, Ashley Todd, American Hero, is your easy and cheap Halloween choice for Change. You guys had some other good ones too, let's look at them!

So we all know that this Halloween there will be a million people dressed as Sarah Palin. These people are terrible and should be shunned. But some people will be a little more creative. Like maybe there will be some Levi Johnstons. Or Barney Frank! A "sad banker" or whatever is a bit generic, but why not Neel Kashkari? Take speed and go as Jim Cramer! Go as Nancy Pfotenhauer and declare your party to be outside of Real America. Or go as "the 'old' John McCain" and be really super honorable as you call your wife a cunt and befriend Charles Keating. We invite you to suggest, in the comments, your own news-based Halloween costumes that won't be terribly overplayed. We'll round 'em up and help you figure out how to put them together tomorrow.

Man, Halloween is going to suck this year. A hollow-eyed populace, hobbled by the Wall Street meltdown and unable to afford real costumes, will just wander the streets aimlessly, their kids draped in old bedsheets or festooned with cardboard cutouts in the rough shape of a pirate hat, begging their poverty-stricken neighbors for a boiled egg or a pinch of precious table sugar. Even the corporate bloodsuckers—who normally use Halloween as a marketing opportunity, to drain every last cent out of us in order to blow it on worthless Candy Corn futures—can see what's happening. The only monster this year is ourselves:

Interested in a life-sized Lego sculpture of you and your significant other for $60,000? An authentic Guinness pub installed in your home for $250,000? Maybe a Jack Nicklaus-designed golf course in your backyard for $1 million? The economy is screwed and the holidays aren't here yet, but Neiman Marcus has released its annual Christmas catalog full of the usual overpriced items. The savvy press reps at the high-end retail chain seem to have anticipated the questions about timing. It's just an elaborate press stunt, you see; they don't actually expect anyone to buy anything! "The whole purpose of these fantasy gifts is to make people smile... and sometimes bad times are even better for fantasy."

Who's ready for Christmas? The answer is: you, the consumer. Don't be one of those Grinches who grumbles and grouses about how the ads for Christmas items seem to start earlier every year. You're right, they do, so what? It just means more time for you to shop around for the best price on your "Thomas Kinkade 'Holiday Reflections' crystal Christmas tree" and "Ultimate Disney Holiday Village." Capitalism is here to turn that frown upside down, Scrooge McDuck! As you might be aware, Christmas ads are already going in full force in magazines, online, and everywhere else. Fake Christmas trees! The Radio City Christmas Spectacular! And "trinkets, bric-and-brac and collectibles" from the unfortunately named Hamilton Collection! Why are we flooded with these annoying pitches year after year? Because of our own lack of spontaneity. Advertisers say people's need to "plan" their purchases mean these early ads work. So you don't like Christmas in September? Don't plan anything until December. This way you can thwart the greedy Jews, who are behind all this:

Today is the first day of fall. But the folks at Target are thinking ahead: the Brooklyn location has already set up its display of Christmas decorations. [Gothamist]

Happy Labor Day everyone!

Canadians! Did you know they get their own day? It's true! And it's today! We've been celebrating all day by ragging on Canadian Malcolm Gladwell for no good reason and also extending more publicity to creepy scumbag Canadian Dimitri the Lover! It turns out the FreeCreditReport.com guy is also Canadian! But French Canadian so he probably doesn't even want to be Canadian. Go celebrate the nation that oppresses his people by watching that video where not knowing his credit rating made him marry that total bitch and take on her stupid girl debt (probably incurred by shoe-buying and driving poorly). [HuffPo]

Hey everyone it's the happiest goddamn day of the year! You probably read as much in your local paper? According to a scientist—a scientist!—June 20 is the happiest day of 2008. He uses a mathematical formula to prove it! With science! Look, here is the equation: O + (N x S) + Cpm/T + He. The scientician who developed this formula is named Cliff Arnall. If that name is familiar, it may be because you read him calling January 22 the saddest day of the year. In 2007. And 2006, and 2005. The story runs, twice a year, like clockwork, in newspapers across the US and the UK. All because a quack psychologist is more than happy to sign a check from some corporation and then attach his name to a press release. It's the happiest day of the year for newspaper editors desperate to fill a news hole on a summer Friday! [Mind Hacks]

It's May Day! International Workers' Day! When we get together and march with our working brothers and sisters in memory of lost comrades. Sometimes there are sing-alongs! And riots! Let's all hold hands and sing The Internationale, then march on Union Square! Of course, we won't—Americans (outside of some hippies in Minneapolis) don't really celebrate May Day anymore (well, some immigrants do too). Have we forgotten the Haymarket affair already? (Yes.) In 1958, by the way, Dwight Eisenhower proclaimed May 1 to be both "Loyalty Day" and "Law Day." Subtlety was not particularly prized then (nor now). President Bush's annual Law Day proclamation always brings tears to our loyal eyes. Now we prepare for Cinco de Mayo, the holiday that celebrates when the Mexicans out-drank the French.

So. It's apparently "Take Your Daughter to Work Day." Or "Take Your Child To Work Day" if you're one of those parents who makes their son wear dresses and pigtails. We are hearing reports of dozens of children terrorizing offices across Manhattan, interrupting work with shrieking and face-painting and possibly pony rides. It could be worse, though! You could be the saddest person in the world—the woman visiting her child at work as part of McDonald's new "Take Your Parents to Work Day" initiative.