Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (R) and Russian Foreign Affairs Minister Sergey Lavrov answer reporters' questions during a news conference at the State Department May 7, 2009 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

Why did Caroline Kennedy "abandon" her bid take over Hillary Clinton's vacant Senate seat? It had nothing to do with rumored tax troubles, her uncle's medical troubles, her plunging poll numbers, or the fact she torpedoed her own chances with a series of disastrous performances on the campaign trail. It was because she didn't want to expose her poor kids to the rough and tumble of the political process, naturally. At least that's the spin contained in Edward Klein's new book, Ted Kennedy: The Dream That Never Died. Not that we'd expect this revelation to have an impact on Cindy Adams's assertion that Kennedy will be elected president in 2016. After all, Adams stuck to her claim McCain would win the 2008 election until the beginning of the November! [Vanity Fair]

Will Barack Obama appoint Hillary Clinton to the Supreme Court?

Hillary Clinton is holding a contest to sucker people into paying her debt to Mark Penn. You can choose a prize, including a not-creepy-at-all day with Bill Clinton. We ask, which is the most bearable?

To answer Time's headline: NO. Mark Penn should not get paid. He should be put in a box with insects. But apparently that is not an option!

In the late '90s, private investigator Joe Culligan registered presidentbillclinton.com and other Clintonesque domain names as a joke. Now Bill Clinton's lawyer is pursuing legal action to get the website addresses. It's payback, says Culligan.

The always reliable National Enquirer is reporting that Chelsea Clinton plans to tie the knot with boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky "in a lavish $1 million dream wedding" this summer. Of course, she hasn't even announced she's engaged yet, so you may want to take this news with a grain of salt. But you'll be happy to hear that the timing is "perfect" now that Chelsea's mom is "settling into her position as secretary of state," and Marc's father, former Iowa congressman Ed Mezvinsky, "has been released from a halfway house after serving time for investment fraud." Sounds ideal, actually. [NE]

Oh man, Hillary made another GAFFE. She's just a gaffe machine! Bring back Condi! She got along with everyone! See, she didn't know that this image on this cloak was painted magically by God.

Politico's Ben Smith unleashed a vicious assault of "SPEED+POWER" this morning on Philippe Reines, Hillary Clinton's flack, in yet another round of successful Drudge-baiting.

There's now a rumored-price tag on George W. Bush's forthcoming memoirs, "Decision Points:" a $7 million advance from publisher Crown. How does that stack up to other Deciders?

Famous American Bill Clinton has apparently decided to just walk away from up to $20 million he was owed by his old friend, creepy old billionaire modelizer Ron Burkle. Now why would he do that?

[Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and First Lady Michelle Obama at the International Women of Courage Award Ceremony in Washington today; image via AP]

Hillary Clinton presented Russia with an "easy button" to celebrate our awesome new relationship but then everything went terribly wrong.

Hey, Hillary did something awesome: Our new Assistant Secretary of State for Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor is Michael Posner, head of Human Rights First.

After Hillary Clinton wore this distinctive coat at a Tokyo airport Monday, one blogger predicted quite plausibly it would "fly off the rack." Her female predecessors had signature adornments too:

Aaron Bruns, a Fox News producer previously best known for following Hillary Clinton on the 2008 campaign trail, has been arrested for possession of child porn, TVNewser reports. The network has suspended him without pay.

Surrounded by friends for her Secretary of State swearing in, Hillary Clinton felt comfortable enough to thank husband Bill for a "lifetime of — all kinds of experiences," i.e. that intern slut.

Samantha Power better have serious diplomatic skills: She's taking a foreign police job requiring "close contract and potential travel" with the woman she called a "monster," Hillary Clinton.

Tom Cruise is trying to get inside the female mind; Joe Francis slipped into women's underwear and Mike Tyson is, once again, overwhelmed with lady attention.