Our man Herman Cain had a scheduled interview at 10 a.m. this morning with the editorial board of the New Hampshire Union Leader, the state's biggest newspaper. Every candidate does this interview. Dumb turd Rick Perry even did it!
Are we sick of Herman Cain saying stupid things? No? Good: here's video of the Republican front-runner asking a bunch of people in Miami "How do you say 'delicious' in Cuban?" This is, we guess, Cain's third embarrassing gaffe in as many days, if you don't count his entire campaign as slow-motion, multi-day gaffe. And, no, "he was tired" won't fly as an excuse—he's asking because he's enjoying a cup of Cuban coffee.
Henry Kissinger is an old sociopathic war criminal who'd be arrested in most countries for his horrible crimes against humanity — or, as they call such people in Washington, an elder statesman. More importantly, he's one of the few foreign policy guys Herman Cain's heard of! That's why he offered him the job of Secretary of State, hilariously.
On Saturday night, CBS brought us the first hour of a 90-minute debate between the Republican candidates for President (apparently, an NCIS rerun was more important than an extra half-hour of politics). But as Jon Stewart observed on tonight's Daily Show, mixed in with the standard GOP talking points—like the belief that waterboarding isn't torture—were some less crazy ones, and from the unlikeliest of candidates.
In a meeting with the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's editorial board, Herman Cain was asked whether he agreed with President Obama on Libya or not. Maybe that was vague, but that's a good thing! It invited him to simply deliver his canned spiel about Libya. He did have a canned spiel about Libya, right?
The GOP's Presidential candidates split sharply on the question of whether or not to torture prisoners at Saturday night's national security debate in South Carolina. Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann aggressively defended the use of waterboarding, while Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman condemned torture as immoral and illegal.
Herman Cain's campaign staff say they've been raising money hand over fist in recent weeks, especially since his sexual harassment scandal broke. But don't be deceived: a wave of donations is hardly a sign things are turning around.
Around this time last week, we gave the fickle Republican base voters 10 days to start getting over this Herman Cain thing and commence with the "Gingrich Surge," "Newtmentum," "The Newtening," "Fat Head Makes Good" — whatever you prefer. With three days to go, it looks like they're complying. We were just screwing around. Oops!
Forget everything you thought you knew about alleged Herman Cain sexual assault victim Sharon Bialek's domestic living arrangement! (If what you know about it is absolutely nothing, then congratulations. You might actually lead a fulfilling life.) Claims that she and her 13-year-old son live with her fiance are not true, according to said fiance!
Herman Cain's latest defense against the sexual harassment charges dogging his campaign: you should really pay attention to the many, many people in the world who have not accused me of inappropriate behavior, not the five or so women who have.
Let's call it the Rich Uncle Pennybags debate. Tonight, Our Losers will square off in their first presidential debate in weeks, hosted by CNBC. It promises to be a banner night for plutocrats, and is intended to focus entirely on economic issues — specifically, how to stop the War on Wealth. What horrors await?
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert praised Herman Cain for defiantly rejecting the notion he'd ever sexually harassed anyone, despite the existence of at least five accusers to the contrary. In fact, Colbert was so confident in Cain that he got out his checkbook and proceeded to write the campaign a check—until he heard one woman's detailed accusations, that is.
Here's Herman Cain's campaign manager Mark Block, who may actually be more entertaining than Cain himself, telling Sean Hannity (in that grave, stilted, get-away-from-the-shed-where-I-keep-the-bodies way of his) that he's "connected the dots" regarding the multiple sexual harassment complaints against his boss. "[Accuser Karen Kraushaar's] son works at POLITICO," he says to Hannity, who asks if Block has "confirmed that." (Uh, Sean? This is the Cain campaign? Do you really think that a Cain worker would get on TV and just make shit up?) "We've confirmed that he does indeed work at POLITICO and that's his mother, yes," Block says, apparently in reference to National Journal writer Josh Kraushaar. Who isn't Karen Kraushaar's son. And who, Politico insists, doesn't work for Politico. But they would say that, wouldn't they? [Politico]
Halfwit tabloid sex perv Andrea Peyser has a major Republican sex fetish. Yes, fine, that's a matter of record. But Andrea is, first and foremost, a professional sexxx journalist, and she takes that duty quite seriously. So it's alarming to learn that—in Andrea's unbiased opinion—Sharon Bialek (pictured), who yesterday accused Herman Cain of sexual assault, is a gold-digging slutty slutwhore bad mom welfare queen (and ugly).
