Speaking to evangelical leaders in Florida on Thursday, Donald Trump emphasized the importance of this year’s election to Christians in general and Donald Trump in particular, who, by his own account, must win in November or spend eternity in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone.
For 90 minutes this morning, Long Island Rail Road service was suspended coming into and going out of Penn Station due to “signal trouble.” For 90 minutes this morning, LIRR riders inundated the E, 7, and 2/3 subway lines, as the MTA cross-honored their LIRR fares. For 90 minutes this morning, Satan was released from his prison, deceiving the nations in the four corners of the earth—LIRR and MTA—to gather them for battle.
Yesterday in order to post a photo on Instagram you had to fit your dog, face, or palm tree into a decent and humble square. If you’re looking for that sort of order and play-by-the-rules civility in today’s world, well, keeping looking, buddy. You’re just gonna have to keep looking for that, my friend.
Two recent high-profile calls to Comcast customer service—one where a rep kept a couple stuck in a verbal loop for 20 minutes as they desperately tried to disconnect their service, and one where the company only reversed fraudulent fees because the customer recorded the call—have opened the floodgates of evidence that your only choice for cable service doesn't give a shit about you.
When you first step inside the Times Square Guitar Center, perhaps you hear the opening arpeggios of "Stairway to Heaven," floating across the sales floor like a spring breeze. Then, the "Crazy Train" solo adds a dissonant but not altogether unpleasant counterpoint, followed closely by the "Layla" chorus riff, as if in fugue. By the time "Enter Sandman" starts, slow and lumbering, things are starting to sound ugly.
Last week, creationist minister Ken Ham responded to a NASA astronomer's estimate that "in the next 20 years we will find out we are not alone in the universe" by declaring the search for extraterrestrials "pointless" because they're all going to hell anyway. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, astronomical badass, went on Real Time With Bill Maher Friday to offer a well-reasoned counterpoint.
As soon as the recording of this call to Comcast's customer service line begins, you understand how bad it's going to be. This is not a helpful, friendly staffer; this is the condescending, needy ex-boyfriend from hell, pitifully demanding to know why you're leaving him.
As demographic changes push America's suburbs into a new life as homes to the poor, one of the obvious infrastructural consequences— along with dead malls— is the potential for a plague empty and unwanted office parks. Ugh, nothing could be more depressing. Except for the solution to unwanted office parks.
