While some hedge funders appear to be sticking by President Obama, mostly because he ate a fancy meal with them, others are still desperately searching for a viable Republican alternative who won't even occasionally use semi-mean language in public about the lords of high finance. That's why they're still trying to convince New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run, because he only says mean things about all middle class people, all the time.

Assless chaps."Full-on rager" partying. A Fire Department intervention. Peter Thiel's hedge fund might have cratered, but the objectivist Republican's private life is rocking.

Hedge fund owner Raj Rajaratnam was convicted this morning on 14 counts of insider trading, on account of the hours and hours of secretly recorded phone conversations federal prosecutors had of him saying stuff like, "Hey, let's do some insider trading!"

The top 25 hedge fund managers pulled in a combined $22 billion last year. Also, hedge funds on the whole performed worse that the S&P 500 index. But it's cool, they're taxed at a lower rate than you and me!

John Paulson, who runs his own hedge fund, made $4 billion in 2007, inspiring the book The Greatest Trade Ever. Time for another book. Last year, Paulson made $5 billion. To put that figure into perspective: that's insane. [WSJ]

Vincent McCrudden, a mad-as-hell hedge fund manager from Long Island, was arrested last night for threatening to kill 47 officials from the Securities and Exchange Commission, Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, and Commodity Futures Trading Commission.

Peter Thiel, Facebook's first outside investor, has had a bad year. His once lucrative hedge fund, Clarium Capital Management, lost money for a third straight year, bringing its assets down 90 percent since its peak. Now he's become a doomsayer.

Phil Falcone, the Harbinger hedge fund billionaire with the crazy wife and a stake in the New York Times, is under federal investigation for taking money out of his hedge fund to pay a personal tax bill. Ninety-nine problems, minimum.

Quadrangle Group, which was not long ago America's most prominent media-focused private equity firm, is folding (in its current form, at least). The reason for its downfall is the same man largely responsible for its success: Steven Rattner.

Paul Greenwood has fallen on hard times. Convicted of a $553 million fraud last year, the former hedge fund manager has no choice but to auction his $1.9 million collection of antique teddy bears at Christie's. [Bloomberg, NYMag]

The Way We Live Now: Drucken things up. Once you're already rich, why spend your life running a hedge fund, or something equally boring? Get out and live. Run a scam! Buy a decrepit town! Rule the world, for fun!

The new status symbol for hedge funders and corporate tycoons: feminine bracelets worn on their wrists next to their expensive watches. It's an "I'm so insanely rich, I get to break the rules" kinda thing, apparently.

Embattled hedge-fund manager Steve Cohen's ex-wife has pulled a do-over on her vengeful attempt to ruin him: After withdrawing a lawsuit accusing him of insider trading back in the 1980s, she's filed a new one seeking control of his company.

The top 25 hedge fund managers pulled in a total of $25 billion in 2009, according to Absolute Return+Alpha. That's a record. It's good to know that the economy has recovered and we're firing on all cylinders again.

Anil Kumar, the former McKinsey & Co. director accused of feeding info to hedge fund founder and alleged crook Raj Rajaratnam, has pleaded guilty to securities fraud and conspiracy and agreed to cooperate with prosecutors. [NYT]

Raj Rajaratnam, the hedge fund billionaire (and dwarf enthusiast) accused of insider trading, has even more legal trouble on his hands today. Prosecutors say they plan to tack on another bunch of charges to their original indictment, a move that could increase Rajaratnam's prison sentence to 15 years (or more) if he's ultimately convicted. Even more concerning: The Wall Street Journal unveiled a new illustration (or "hedcut") of Raj in the paper today, and his smile and casual, open-collared look has been replaced with one that makes him look much more defendant-y. That can't be a good sign, can it? [NYT, Dealbreaker, previously]

Hedge fund manager David Tepper is a rare breed. Not only did he earn $2.5 billion in 2009 while many of his peers just struggled to keep their heads above water, he still lives in the same New Jersey home he and his wife have occupied since 1990, he's yet to buy a vacation home, and he still sends his kids to public school. [BN]

Raj Rajaratnam, the hedge fund billionaire who stands accused of masterminding a massive insider trading ring, was incredibly competitive and a ruthless boss. Of course you sort of have to be if you're planning to claw your way up to the top of the hedge fund pyramid. But it turns out he was a pretty wacky boss, too, as today's Wall Street Journal illustrates.

That salacious lawsuit filed against SAC Capital by a former trader at the mega-hedge fund was just the tip of the iceberg. Steve A. Cohen, SAC's super-secretive founder, now has an even more embarrassing legal mess on his hands. Cohen's first wife, Patricia, whom he divorced in 1988, has filed a $300 million lawsuit against the billionaire, alleging he engaged in insider trading in the 1980s and later concealed millions of dollars of assets from her by setting up a racketeering scheme with his brother. [NYT]

One man's annual donation apparently made up 25% of the operating budget of the American Civil Liberties Union. And that guy, David Gelbaum, had a bad year. So... hope you didn't need to sue the government in 2010.