Just last year, Ben Bernanke was still serving as the head of the Federal Reserve—the most powerful central banking position in the world. Now, he's going to work for a hedge fund. Is it possible—just possible—that we have a systemic problem?

Why are hedge funds rushing to rebrand themselves as anything besides "hedge funds?" As one hedge fund manager explains, "Labels can create a lot of emotions."

Billionaire hedge fund manager Bill Ackman had a very good year last year. In fact, he ran the single best-performing hedge fund of 2014. He made a lot of money. Why is he such a crybaby?

Police are trying to find the son of a Manhattan hedge fund manager who allegedly shot his father to death inside a multimillion-dollar Sutton Place apartment Sunday.

A major investor's group has proposed that hedge funds generate "gains above market benchmarks before charging incentive fees"—in other words, that they be worth the fees that they charge. Outrageous!

"Hedge funds are shutting at a rate not seen since the financial crisis, as many managers post disappointing returns and an elite group of firms dominate money raising," Bloomberg reports. "Hedge funds, on average, have returned just 2 percent in 2014."

The business world is giddy and agog at the rip-roaring return of mergers and acquisitions. M&A is back! Just yesterday, two mega-deals worth $100 billion were announced. Some people are getting very, very rich. The deserving people, that is.

What do you get for the young man who's already got a safety net made of golden threads brocaded with itty bitty Mercedes-Benzes? His very own hedge fund, where he can play with millions of dollars like a real live bizness-man!

CALPERS is America's largest pension fund, with $300 billion in assets. It just announced that it is pulling all of its money out of hedge funds. Why? Because everyone knows that hedge funds are a ripoff.

Hedge fund are organizations designed to take money from wealthy investors and—through sophisticated financial wizardry—use that money to enrich hedge fund managers. Shockingly, many professional investors believe hedge fund managers are overpaid.

Yeshiva University poured more of its endowment into hedge funds than any other school of its size. Yeshiva University managed to lose more than a billion dollars. These two facts are related.

The prime achievement of Steve Fishman's new profile of Steven A. Cohen, the billionaire hedge fund titan tarnished by insider trading allegations, is this quote: "On vacation one year, he ran into a fellow hedge-fund manager: 'It's not fair,' he complained. 'Why me?'"

Hedge fund manager David Tepper warned yesterday that the stock market is "dangerous right now," and advised against betting on its rise. Today, the markets are down sharply. And that's how David Tepper made $3.5 billion last year.

Are you rich? No? Then the servicey aspect of this post this probably doesn't apply to you. But if you're rich, you probably want to know how you can be richer, right? Here's the secret: Do less work. And the work you do, do it worse. In other words, be a hedge fund manager!

Today Andrew "Weev" Auernheimer put on a (plaid?) suit and tie and got on CNBC to talk about his plan to form a hedge fund, TRO LLC. The fund, as we've told you before, will be devoted to shorting stocks in companies where Auernheimer detects a security breach.

Mark Gorton is a prominent financier and a respected entrepreneur. He founded the music sharing site Limewire, and he runs Tower Research, a famed high-frequency trading firm. Gorton also believes that the "ruthless" secret cabal that assassinated JFK and planned 9/11 could be coming to kill his family.

The big hedge fund SAC Capital has given itself a new name, which is something for it to talk about other than its massive insider trading scandal.

Last year, hedge fund founder George Soros made $4 billion. Five other hedge fund men made more than $1 billion. This, while hedge funds on the whole did much, much worse than a simple stock fund. Which brings us to the topic of socialism.

Hedge funds, sophisticated financial vehicles using strategies that can—whether the market is up or down—enrich hedge fund managers, are now allowed to advertise to the public. Problem: they suck at it. Can we help them?

Our condolences to all the high fee-paying hedge fund investors out there. Better luck next year.