headlines

Exercises in Preemptive Headline Writing: Apple Store Edition

Jesse · 05/19/06 11:05AM

In anticipation of tonight's grand opening of the new Apple Store on Fifth Avenue, at which the company will give away one free MacBook an hour for 24 hours, and which it's rumored Steve Jobs himself might be in attendance, Gawker Media hanger-on and CBS Public Eyer Brian Montopoli passes along some headline ideas for tomorrow's coverage of the sure-to-be-imminent riots. His suggs:

'Time' 100 Is Most Newsworthy Event Ever

Jesse · 05/18/06 08:37AM


We're a little unclear on how the Time 100 is a sports story. Or, for that matter, why it's still top news two-and-a-half weeks after the issue came out. Guess when you shell out that kind of scratch for the party, you've got to amortize the cost over as much time — and as many TW properties — as possible.

Prisoner of Second Avenue Subway News

Jesse · 04/18/06 09:43AM

Now that they've finally broken ground — or "lifted rail," or whatever they've done — on the High Line, it seems we might never again see one of those delightfully repetitive "High Line Approved! For Now!" headlines. How to fill the void? With the perhaps-apocryphal Second Avenue Subway, of course. Let the "Second Avenue Subway Approved! For Now!" headlines begin. It's all you, Newsday.

CNN Entraps Its Readers

Jesse · 04/06/06 09:15AM


Oh we can try it for free the first time, can we? Sorry, CNN, but we're not falling for that. We totally saw this after-school special.