"Obama is straw that stirs the drink — bad." The only person who understands this headline is presumably employed as an editor at the New York Post.

So far, because there are only three of them, it's easy to feel reassured that those potentially and actually infected with Ebola in New York are in safe quarantine. Bellevue insists it had a biohazard protocol all ready and waiting; there is nothing to worry about.

"How you can profit from Ebola." USA Today's Matt Krantz has the scoop:

You may have noticed that the game recently changed, with respect to feminism. But how? When? Who? Aha: "Emma Watson Delivers Game-Changing Speech on Feminism for the U.N.,"a VanityFair.com headline reports.

"Electronic 'shock' collars might distress your dog." Nah...

With Last Week Tonight taking the week off, John Oliver filmed this web-only segment about two things he strongly dislikes: Inaccurate internet headlines and piñatas. Fuck piñatas.

"Boy Sentenced to Jail Because of Large Penis" is your headline of the day.

"Are female breadwinners a recipe for disaster?"

Today in Thought Catalog Headlines: "Dear Women, Please Stop. Just Really, Stop."

As another year comes to a close, we must determine how it will be remembered by all of the generations who will come after us. Will 2013 be commemorated, as we predicted last year, as the Year of Meh? Far from it. We found at least 61 better options.

"How This Syrian Situation Reminds Me of High School" is just a great Thought Catalog headline.

"Whoa! This sea creature looks just like Cookie Monster." It sure does.

For Shitty Conference, A Whole Website.

A Thought Catalog essay headlined "I Got Yelled At By An Inner City Kid At A YMCA Camp" begins, "I never went to public school. This is probably for the best because frankly I don’t think I would have survived." Must read!

A debate is raging here at Gawker Media: Should we, as a suite of web sites, maintain (with one exception) our current adherence to the grand American newspapering tradition of Headlines that Capitalize the First Letter of Each Significant Word? Or should we crumble before the creeping Europeanization of our culture and adopt the global norm of headlines that, casually, Capitalize only the first letter? What say you?

Paul Browne, the NYPD's longtime spokesman, is retiring. It is a well-established and irrefutable fact that Paul Browne is a liar. The New York Times knows this. They'll even write about it. They just can't come right out and say it.

Today in Important Headlines: "Is Interracial Marriage Still Scandalous?"

Headline of the day: Chubby Checker — 'I Don't Want People to Call Me a Penis'

Reader Kate S. sent in this headline from the Houston Chronicle — "Armstrong takes final leap."

New York Post headline: "Press pussies soft on O." The Post itself is rock hard.