You know how, when you applied for college, you sent the same bromide "Why I want to go to _____ University" essay to every school, because all colleges are interchangeable anyway? Turns out John F. Kennedy thought so, too.

In anticipation of the 50th anniversary of JFK's inauguration, the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library is digitizing reams of JFK artifacts. Among them: The president's application to Harvard, including mediocre test scores and a refreshingly banal personal essay.

One year and two months after drunkenly torching a 9/11 memorial on Halloween, Harvard Law grad Brian Schroeder pleaded guilty to three charges. "I cannot explain why I acted the way I did," he explained. "I drank many alcoholic beverages."

24-year-old Adam Wheeler lied his way into Harvard. Wheeler just pleaded guilty to charges of larceny, identity theft and fraud and must now pay Harvard back for more than $45,000 in scholarships and serve 10 years probation.

Yesterday, Harvard said the mysterious case of 36 pee-soaked LGBT books had been demoted from "hate crime" to "accident" after a library employee copped to accidentally spilling an open bottle of urine. But the explanation doesn't sit easy with some.

Harvard University now claims that 36 pee-soaked LGBT books are not the work of a homophobic vandal, but a library employee who accidentally knocked over one of the many open containers of urine that apparently litter their campus. WTF?

A phantom pisser left his (or her) mark in a Harvard library this weekend, by dousing a selection of books about LGBT issues with human pee. The "vandalism by urine" will be investigated as a hate crime.

The Harvard Republican Club is mired in an election-fixing scandal of a deviousness not seen since the heyday of ACORN. The charge: a sinister plot by one candidate to lure voters away from the polls. The bait: McKinsey. Ooooo, Mckinsey!

Higher learning's most charming rivalry, between dusty old fart-factories Yale and Harvard, always heats up this time of year, but rarely this badly. In a timely response to Yale: The Musical, some Harvard kids made a parody. A bad one.

The single most popular class at Harvard this fall: "Science and Cooking: From Haute Cuisine to Soft Matter Science." Basically a cooking class! I know, right? I would have guessed "How to Get Laid for Dorks," LOL. [Boston Globe]

The Harvard Club, where Harvard alumni gather in the shadow of dead animal heads to control the world, wouldn't let Eliot Spitzer join. But NYPD commissioner Ray Kelly's not only a member—private donors pay all his fees.

35-year-old Somerville, MA resident Mitchell Heisman shot himself in Harvard Yard last Saturday in front of a tour group. Turns out he left a sprawling, deeply-researched suicide note, conveniently located at suicidenote.info

Barack Obama's top economic adviser, Larry Summers, will leave his post in November and return to Harvard.

Harvard was planning to let New Republic editor Marty Peretz speak at an upcoming 50th anniversary event for some social studies program. But then Peretz wrote racist nonsense on his blog, again! Harvard kids protested, and now Peretz won't speak.

Today we looked at a ridiculous study that declared Cambridge in England a better school than Harvard in the US. Bollocks! Utter bollocks. Or so we thought, until one commenter came and set us straight. Cambridge really is the best.

Harvard is no longer the world's best university, according to a British ranking system. Instead, Cambridge, in England, is the world's best university, according to these British people and their very British set of standards.

The Hollywood Reporter recently posted a photograph of a gawky boy in a grass skirt. Caption: "Is this a young Conan?" Today, Conan O'Brien confirmed with a tweet: "Yes, this is a photo of me at 18." Updated!

This is pretty amazing: researchers from Harvard and Northeastern universities took more than 300 million tweets over three years and analyzed them to create a graphic (and video) of America's mood at any given time and in any given place.

And by "beat up" we mean slapped at weakly and then called poor. A young Oregonian actually named Yale W. Fan has decided to attend Harvard over his namesake next year. The exciting story is here, you fucking nerds.