We'd long assumed that the title of Most Powerful Man in Hollywood belonged to the velvet-hooded, anonymous potentate who presides over the monthly Gay Mafia induction ceremony held in the secret, well-fortified sub-basement of a certain Malibu compound, and who wordlessly orders the ritualistic removal of each new member's pinkie toe by pantomiming a scissor motion with two of his fingers. (The shaving, oiling, and branding pantomimes are far too involved and horrible to describe here.) The AP, however, informs us that the person who truly holds sway over the entertainment industry is superstar Hollywood fire inspector Robert Gladden, whose ability to cancel the Oscars—and, by extension, all of existence—by stepping into the green room and declaring, "If a spark from a cigarette lighter comes within a hundred yards of Harrison Ford, everyone in the Kodak Theatre will perish in the ensuing whiskey-fume fireball. We're shutting it down," makes him a figure of unparalleled local influence: